Thursday, June 22, 2006

Wednesday Reruns

Due to a breakdown in communication, we did not realize someone would not be available to post on the blog yesterday. It’s basically the equivalent of Dino and I leaving little Izzy at daycare because both of us thought the other one was going to pick her up and then both going to the gym and turning our cell phones off. So I went to an all-day meeting yesterday and missed out on this:

Brittany Murphy does this to her face: You think that’s scary? Just in case dirty, unfashionable celebrity wannabes with huge chins, neck hair and a poor grammar turn you on, someone made a vibrator and named it after Perez Hilton. I already have a hard enough time getting off and now you want to throw him into the picture? No thank you. I cannot even imagine the embarrassment of someone naming a sex toy after you and it’s smaller than your chin. Bravo apparently told Katie Lee Joel to “pack up her knives and go home.” Billy Joel’s wife can go back to her original occupation, professional wrinkly dick sucker. She will not be joining Bravo for a second season as the personality-less host of Top Chef. Hopefully her replacement will have more zest and less clothing because after one episode, Top Chef made me want to unpack my knives and stab myself. Don’t you just hate it when it’s time to wipe and you have to be extra careful to make sure none of it gets on your fingers, you are at the club and there’s no toilet paper in your stall or you don’t have access to the restroom so you have to pee in a cab? Well don’t worry any longer. Presenting the new Paris Hilton ass-wipe glove. A glove made of soft cotton fabric that will be gentle on your bottom while protecting your fingers from unwanted excrement. She unveiled her newest product at the T-Mobile Sidekick 3 party.
[source source and source]

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

this might also be helpful when picking ones nose.

OldWiseOne said...

Thank God it was just a miscommunication - I was a little concerned when I couldn't get my daily dose of Hijinx. Glad to hear you are all ok.

Perhaps the itty-bitty blue vibrators come with their own set of finger gloves - you could wear them while administering the antidote to the nasty std that surely comes with a tool named after a tool named after a whore.

xine said...

Aw! It's nice to know someone missed us! :)

I like you idea for the glove to go with the vibrator. Although if the vibrator is being used on either one of them I'll settle for no less than a Haz-mat suit.

Maybe Paris can stop using her cell phone as a "defensive tool" and replace it with a tool named after a tool named after the whore. :) Paris Hilton walking around with a blue vibrator against her face would be too appropriate. That's hot.

hellocolleenie said...

Those gloves look like the part of the glove that someone cut off of the 'fingerless' gloves.