I pledge allegiance to the fag of the United States of America
Who is this man? 
He's not Ashton Kutcher's twin brother. He's not a recent Harvard law graduate. 
It's....Kevin Federline. Looking more K-fag than K-Fed.
He showered off most of the skank and did a photo shoot for Item magazine (out on June ). Here are some clips from the interview:
On the public: "I should just put a bulls-eye on my back. If I stay home and take care of my wife and my kids, then I'm a loafer, not a good father. If I try to have a career, nobody thinks I am caring for my family. I can't win." He's right. He can't win. He can't win because he's just a loser.
On rumors: "You'll never see that guy they say cheats or goes partying all the time. If I'm there and I'm out at a club, I am there for a reason. I am not there to mingle with women. All that shit is done to me. I did that when I was 21." I'm pretty sure you did it when you were about 26 too. Remember, you had a pregnant girlfriend and then you cheated on her and "mingled" with Britney.
On his kids: "It's completely unfair when a child is brought into this world an now he's already looked at like a prince. My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period....My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit." Does Kevin Federline even know what a real job is like? He danced once for like 5 seconds and has been living off Britney ever since. I think if his kids are lucky they'll end up at Taco Bell- they could just turn out to be unemployed baby machines like him.
On his image: "I wish people would ask me about my career. Usually it's, 'How's the wife and kids?' Not that I mind; that's my pride and joy. But it would be nice for people to look at me like an artist. The day they judge me as an artist, a CEO, as somebody, not Britney Spears' husband, that's the day I am looking forward to." What career? I wonder if it ever crossed his mind that people might ask about his career if he had one.
On his media conspiracy theory: "The same day Dick Cheney shoots someone, they've got me on the cover of MSN [Web site]. It's life they're diverting attention from what's really going on." I laughed out loud on this one. The White House is now using Kevin Federline as a way to divert attention away from our Vice President. Like people care about Kevin Federline. Most people over the age of 30 don’t know about or care about Kevin Federline. Next up on Fox News -- who cares about the war in Iraq, Kevin Federline is having another baby. Wigga please! [source]
Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen these pics but Paris somehow managed to perform a nip slip in a bathing suit that belongs in the Golden Girls. Acutally, it's so bad it belongs in the Golden Girls spin-off "The Golden Palace." Anyone remember that? It's where the girls minus Dorothy bought a cheesy hotel in Miami and they had Cheech (of Cheech and Chong, of course!) as the cook and Don Cheadle as the front desk guy... Why does she even bother wearing pasties under that?
Angelina and Brad's baby was born. The world is still turning. The sun still rose and set. Life goes on. It's a girl. Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt was born at the Welwitschia Clinic in Walvis Bay on Satuday. Mother and daughter are reportedly doing well. Namibians are supposedly contemplating a national holiday celebrating the birth of the child. I've never seen a country so desperate to come up with a reason to have a holiday. Ridiculous!
She'll also grab your crotch while you're eating lunch. Lucky man.
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The grey-haired man is Taylor Hicks and he does not belong in this jacket. EVER. TMZ is reporting that Taylor went to the LA store Traffic with his stylist (yes, he has a stylist for whatever reason), tried on this jacket, said “ok, I feel it” and instantly bought the Dolce & Gabbana number for $1,648. He paid $1,647.99 too much. The stylist should be bound, gagged and forced to watch American Idol reruns for a month straight. Prince wouldn’t even look good in this jacket. Barney the dinosaur wouldn’t even look good in this jacket.
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Ginger's explanation for the name: " Scarlett was another name I loved, as Scarlett O'Hara was my fictional heroine. But as I walked round the park in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I seemed to see bluebells everywhere. But what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare - it's a precious flower, which seems just right for my daughter. " The baby is precious -- Geri says she's already a little "diva." 
A Church of England spokesman is quoted on Britain's BBC website as saying: "Why would someone with so much talent seem to feel the need to promote herself by offending so many people?"
These two are like complete opposites: high school dropout vs college graduate, appalling vs. appealing, etc. I think the only thing they had in common: crazy eyes. Matt was born cross-eyed and Paris has the oh-so-famous wonky eye. The difference between the two is that Matt actually spent some money to have his fixed. 
You can often times tell whether or not a person has true friends by the outfits they wear. It's a fun little fashion equation…the importance of the event multiplied by the craziness of the outfit plus or minus the level of social acceptability of the outfit equals the amount of true friendship in the outfit-wearer's life. It looks something like this:
Just as Perez was about to leave the room at his hostel, he realized someone stole his shoes. He beat down the first celebrity he saw for their celebrity footwear. Unfortunately that celebrity was Avril Lavigne. She just happened to be wearing her old, “comfortable” sneakers on her way to the Cannes festivities. It worked out well because she also had her new, fancy, 4 inch stilettos with her to put on before her arrival so she can continue to attempt to impress Karl Lagerfeld. Then, in an even more catastrophic turn of events, he forced his way in front of the paparazzi who weren’t trying to take pictures of him, the picture ended up on the internet because Paris Hilton is in it, I caught a glimpse of the picture and I now have some neurological damage and an appointment for a PET scan for tomorrow morning.
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There's just one thing that always bothered me about Brittany and I'm not talking about her questionable acting skills. There's something wrong with her eyes. It's pretty apparent in some pictures while other pictures it's not as obvious. They seem to be extremely not symmetrically oriented on her face. Here's a little demonstration...I drew a straight line from one eye to the other eye. Her right eye is like 10 feet higher than the left eye. 
I've discovered an interesting conundrum here: when I was like 12 years old I read an article in Reader's Digest that said women with more symmetrical faces are supposed to be more attractive and have more sex appeal. Brittany has less symmetry than most women I know but I still think she’s attractive and sexy. Here's another picture of her looking lovely and a little more symmetrical:
