Two Bodily Fluid Blind Vices

Randy Rubber has been a very bad boy. This Oscar-winning actor is, indeed, married, but somethin' tells me it ain't a happy union. 'Cause if it were, he wouldn't be trolling for tail on the side. I mean, Hollywood husbands (and wives!) are known for shtupping people in every hotel suite (and stall) from Bev Hills to friggin' Pasadena, but R.R. is just so damn obvious about it.

At a recent shindig, he told one gal that she looked like the first female he'd ever slept with. He went on to ask where she lived so he could come over and take a trip down mattress-memory lane. When said sistah revealed where her abode was located, he replied, "Good...that's far away from my wife!" Wonder if the spouse knows about his hideously horny hijinks? Is their whole relationship a front for their kids (and his rep), or somethin'? Methinks she's got her own badass sitch goin' down, as well.

And speaking of fakes, Blood E. Nostril, once known as one of America's little honeys, is, in my admittedly jaded eyes, no longer just that! The awkward teen turned bodacious babe seems to have a penchant for a little recreational fun on the side, if ya know what I mean. According to a very reliable source, during Blood's school days, she filled her nights with hard partyin' at the local pubs 'n' clubs, and her idea of a good time included the snortin' of illegal substances in the bathrooms and basements of bars.

You see, after growin' up playin' roles as the "good girl," Ms. Nostril wanted to let loose a little. So, she went out to be a regular girl and experience the college life, as sooo many a young starlet does—and fails at, usually quite miserably. Blood-babe began to take up with middle-aged married men—and I don't mean for humpin'. She was just usin' these clueless dudes for a little nose candy to fuel her already brain-cell-destroying ways. Nice. It Ain't: It could be: Randy Rubber = Cuba Gooding, Jr. I've seen him on the drunken prowl first-hand. Blood E. Nostril= this screams Mary-Kate Olsen minus the bodacious babe comment. He says "known as one of America's little honeys" and then lists Ashley as "it ain't" leading me to believe he's talking about the "other" one. Plus the other 1,321 relevant clues... Second guess = Claire Danes only because she dropped out of college and she was an awkwardish teen.