It was David Hasselhoff in the locker room with the chandelier!This is like the time Lindsay Lohan was preparing breakfast with eggs and everything that she was going up the stairs carrying a ceramic teacup. She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on and she completely slipped on the stairs since it was slippery. The teacup went flying, it shattered and one of the pieces cut Lindsay forcing her to go to the ER. Remember that?
I read the Hoff story to my father and he said, "That story isn't true." So I asked him what he thought happened and he said, "I think he was in the locker room with George Michael..." Not a bad response for a 54 year-old straight guy. He secretly watches E! at night. Anyway, the gossip blogger in me wants to say that something more happened because the story is just plain crazy. Here's why the human in me (yes, there's human in me) believes this could happen…drumroll: I accidentally superglued my eye shut trying to fix an acrylic nail while talking on the phone. They had to cut off my eyelashes and slice my eye back open then scrape the contact off my eye because it was superglued to my eye. The crazy glue went crazy and just squirted in my eye (think of the almost-empty ketchup bottle effect). I ended up spending the night in the hospital on morphine and had to wear an eye patch for a few weeks. That story never gets old. The words "freak accident" and "David Hasselhoff" in the same sentence makes me laugh hysterically. Out loud. Non-stop. I never knew that until now.
Because the only activities she has to occupy time are eat, shop and lose weight, she decided that is was absolutely imperative to lose 6 pounds before traveling to Germany to watch her husband play in the World Cup. She went on a strict diet of only sushi and pineapple. That's like my dream diet. You know she totally lost the weight to be skinner than the broad on the left in the cheap red belt, see-through white shirt and white strapless bra. Nude-colored undergarments always work better under white. Someone should ring her up on the telly and let her know. Six pounds on her is like a whole arm. Maybe next time she should try that -- lop off an arm. The amputee diet. I should patent that. She's still the hottest thing ever!
She might’ve been a professional “lotion applicator” but she is not a professional eyebrow applicator. From the advertisements customers expected thin, slanty eyes not thin, slanty eyebrows. The good news is that she's been arrested so she won't be fucking your husband during his lunch break anytime soon. [
Absolutely nothing which is why I'm posting this picture. Did she lose part of a limb in some unreported accident? And could his shorts possibly get ANY bigger? All that leftover fabric could be used to feed starving kids in Africa. He's so selfish. [
I jokingly said she was "trying to be Angelina" but I think she's actually trying to look like a different mom-- her own. For the love of all that's good, please tell me that is NOT a scrunchie in Lynn's hair. I hope it's an illusion created by someone wearing a hat off in the far distance. 
VS.
Everyone is trying to rip her a new asshole, in the series of new assholes being ripped; this time for dying her hair while she's pregnant. Personally, I'm glad she dyed her hair. The fetus was created from Kevin Federline's sperm which is fifteen times more toxic than hair dye. It’s been scientifically proven in a double-blind study done by two leading labs (led by me, of course). The baby is already going to come out glowing neon green so why not do something about that weave? 
"Ok. That's definitely half of a glove. Now what?"
(to self: "Self, maybe if like, I just like stand here and try to like be sexy and wrap half of my hand around the door they won't notice that like half of my glove is missing and the world will love me (giggles)." Then in a moment of sheer embarrassment she tries to strike a sexy pose but ends up looking like an uncoordinated fool as usual.
Please tell me she doesn't have these in red. Or yellow. Or any other color. I sadly expect this to be at the local cheap-ass whore store in the mall soon. Aside from wiping your ass, the only other thing the glove MIGHT be good for is protecting others from Paris' nastiness. What does she do? She touches her friend (who is dressed in a nightgown) with the non-protected fingers...possibly proving my theory that she does wear the half glove to wipe her ass. She still looks like an ass-wipe. 
Whoa. Apparently Paris' friend criteria includes: must be able to wear nightgown to dance club, must have wonky eyes and must have a less symmetrical face than Paris. Paris would prefer if friend didn't speak English...or any other language. Paris would prefer if friend didn't speak. 
Nicole's adopted daughter, Isabella (left), is pictured in a car with Nicole's sister, Antonia and an unidentified flower girl. This is the first time I've ever seen Isabella smile. I'm sure she's happy to have briefly escaped the clutches of Scientology and is on her way to a real church. 
This is where the magic happened. 
