I'm Sorry Too

Shit.

I, like Xine and Cheray, have been avoiding the blog like the two $40 parking tickets I've been ignoring in my car. The only difference is that I've avoided that parking tickets for more than 21 days, which means they're probably worth a little more now. I wish my bank account did shit like that... you know, if you promise not to touch the money, in 21 days, it would double. Or sex... you know, if you abstain for 21 days, you'll have twice the amount sex.

I guess it's obvious that I'm broke and haven't had sex in a while.

Anyhow, I almost couldn't remember my password when I tried to log on. Forgive me, readers. I just started grad school and between Thirsty Thursdays and trying to get to know all the "just-add-two-beers-bisexual-party-starters" in my program, I haven't had time to blog.

Please accept this photograph of my boyfriend, Justin Timberlake as my sincerest apology.

*please note the bulging biceps, the well-defined abdomen, and maybe I'm dreaming this up, but I feel like I can see the outline of his wiener*

SO SORRY

I've been treating the blog like that credit card bill you don't want to open because you spent too much money last month and you're pretty sure it's overdue so if you leave it alone, it might just go away. I know I haven't been posting a lot and I thought that maybe if I just stayed away, nobody would notice and then I could just come back when my life is less busy and pick up where I left off. After receiving angry phone calls and emails about how everyone is bored at work, I realize that much like avoiding credit card bills, ignoring the blog is a very bad idea.

So to restart things, I'm posting this commercial that I've been obsessed with for about a month now. It's bizarrely sexy and almost completely irrelevant to what it's advertising. Behold, Korean Air's obscure approach to advertising that instantly makes me want to jump on a plane to Korea where I will be showered with champagne (poolside?), perfume and sexy blue shoes by some strangely-moving yet totally adorable Korean girl with a really, really sleek updo. ...because apparently that's what Korean Air is made of...

PS I swear I love our readers and I will never compare you to credit card bills again! :)

NOT SO Questionable QUOTE: Sally Fields

The BASTARDS, i mean Emmy telecast bleeped part of Sally Field’s acceptance speech for her best actress in a drama win. This is what she said:

“If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn’t be any god-damned wars in the first place.”

BEST Part of Last Nights EMMY Awards

YOUR 15 MINUTES: The Bald Rogaine Bandit

Sometimes people make this blogging hobby really easy...like 42 year-old Mark Hoousendove from New York. Mark dropped off friends to visit an inmate at Sing Sing prison on Sunday. Assumedly after dropping off his friends, Mark was bored and realized he had no hair so he proceeded to drive to the local pharmacy to steal Rogaine. A nearby officer chased the bald Rogaine thief down the street and was able to catch him. Hoousendove was jailed in lieu of $3,000 bail and is due in court today. Rogaine costs about $50. This story is priceless.

Mood Music: Camera Obscura Begs Us Not to Go

Camera Obscura treat their covers of soft-rockin' forgotten hits not as guilty pleasures, but as sources of warmth and comfort, like homemade chocolate chip cookies-- always the best, even if imperfect, because you grew up with them.

Camera Obscura have been covering mid-1960s hit "Baby Don't Go" for a while now. Campbell & co. recently performed this giggling rendition for Public Radio International's "Fair Game" program. What's most striking is the ease with which the light strums and tambourine splashes make the cutesy song one you could almost mistake for a Camera Obscura original. The beat goes on, and such. More cookies please. And make them double chocolate chip. You know I can't get me enough chocolate.

MP3:> Camera Obscura: "Baby Don't Go (Sonny & Cher cover)"

Whatchu Goin Do Wit All That Junk?

Rehab must be filled with buttered popcorn and old fashioned milkshakes, because LALA looks like she's put on 300 pounds. Which would bring her weight to a total of 310 pounds. If I were a powerful Hollywood producer and wanted to make a movie for black guys, I'd make a karate ghost movie with Lindsay Lohan. Because black guys love karate movies and girls with big asses and they’re hilariously afraid of ghosts. I’d call it "The Prize". Because Lindsay is the white mans prize and also the karate tournament would have a prize and maybe the black guy beats a white guy. The title has a double meaning, you see. And it all takes place on a haunted riverboat. Or something. I haven't worked out all the beats yet, I just know I'm gonna be rich.

Birthday ALARM (don't call it a comeback!)

Singer Fiona Apple is 30.

Actress Eileen Fulton (As The World Turns) is 74.
Singer Peter Cetera (Chicago) is 63.
Actress Jacqueline Bisset is 63.
Singer Randy Jones of the Village People is 55.
Actress Geri Jewell (The Facts of Life,Deadwood) is 51.
Singer-guitarist Dave Mustaine of Megadeth is 46.
Radio and TV personality Tavis Smiley is 43.
Actor Louis Mandylor (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) is 41.
Drummer Steve Perkins of Porno for Pyros and Jane's Addiction is 40.
Actress Louise Lombard (CSI) is 37.
Guitarist Hector Cervantes of Casting Crowns is 27.
Actor Ben Savage (Boy Meets World ) is 27.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1985, Super Mario Bros., the best selling video game of all time, was released.

Questionable QUOTES: Jessica Alba

“I don’t have a MySpace thingy. I don’t know how to work a computer that well.”

YOUR YouTube FIX: Now THIS Is A Market MELTDOWN

PS. Erin Burnett is totally my current secret news-person crush!

Give Us More. As In Like Effort.

Couture du Jour: The Double White Purse

Big, white purses are hot. While they're not the most durable, practical choice in the world (unless you're a celebrity and can afford a new one everyday) they're still fashionable. Not wearing white after Labor Day died a while ago. Angelina decided to show off her new white purse by buying daughter Zahara a mommy-n-me version while supposed comeback queen Britney just decided to carry two matching ones. Ok..ok...Britney actually bough one for her and one for Alli but that's basically just as weird as carrying two at the same time.

You Mean Suing People Isn't a Job?

Life must be hard when you don’t have an actual job and/or classes to report to on a daily basis. I mean, really, there actually is somewhat of a limit on the amount of time any given person can spend: shopping, tanning, talking shit on people, getting hair extensions, eating, drinking, doing drugs, laying out by the pool, adopting animals, going on vacation, taking pictures, dancing and having sex. What else is left to do on the rest of your free time? According to Paris Hilton, sue people. When one lawsuit finishes she starts up another. Now that she has to pay Zeta Graff a reported $2 million in a defamation case, she’s decided to sue Hallmark to recoup some cash. You didn’t think she’d actually use her own stinky perfume money to pay Zeta, did you? I man Paris DID just buy a new $6 million mansion…give her a little break.

Paris Hilton has filed a federal lawsuit over a $2.49 Hallmark greeting card that uses a photo of the heiress and her trademarked phrase "That's Hot." In a complaint filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, Hilton alleges that Hallmark has, among other transgressions, misappropriated her image and invaded her privacy with the card. According to the lawsuit, the greeting card, which purports to show Hilton's "first day as a waitress," was first distributed earlier this year and remains on sale. Hilton is seeking at least $500,000 in actual damages and a permanent injunction barring Hallmark from further exploitation of her name and likeness. The "waitress" card is one of three recent Hallmark offerings that have featured Hilton. [source]

I still think it's hilarious that she trademarked "that's hot" - like it's some brilliant linguistic algorithm that nobody in the whole world has ever thought of before.

Quote It!

YOUR YouTube Fix: Amy Winehouse

I know she is a crackhead and all, but bitch sounds goood!

Questionable Quotes: Paris Hilton

Miss Hilton recently told Elle U.K. “I wanna have like a family and a guy. Y’know, it just upsets me because I'm not anything like what people say about me, and this cartoon character that they've made of me is just completely false. It makes me mad that I'm such a good person and I'm treated like that by some people, I just don't get it.”

Celebrity Clone: Keira Knightley vs. The Mummy

YOUR YouTube Fix: A Bad Reaction To Fergie's New BEATS

I did the same thing the first time I heard Fergie's new single, except my lipstick is more of a shade of 80's pink...

Britneypalooza

Well, it's been a week defined by leakage, so say the very least. "Gimme More," which you can listen to by clicking here, was the first Britney Spears song to leak, and now there are THREE MORE. Who knows if these songs will even make it on the actual album, but fuck, might as well use them to judge the potential quality of her upcoming cd.







Let me know what chu think.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Wes Bentley (American Beauty ) is 29.

Actress Jennifer Salt (Soap ) is 63.
Bassist Ronald LaPread (the Commodores) is 57.
Actress Judith Ivey is 56.
Drummer Martin Chambers of the Pretenders is 56.
Actress Khandi Alexander (ER,NewsRadio ) is 50.
Actor-comedian Damon Wayans is 47.
Guitarist Kim Thayil (Soundgarden) is 47.
Actress Ione Skye is 36.
Singer Beyonce Knowles (Destiny's Child) is 26.
Actor Trevor Gagnon (The New Adventures of Old Christine ) is 12.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1972, thieves stole 18 paintings from the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts in what was at the time the largest art theft in North America.