YOUR 15 MINUTES: Fire In My Pants (not talking about a yeast infection).

Ok. I suck at blogging lately. I promise I will return to my old non-stop-blogging self soon. Please forgive me because I have a story for you:

The new iPod Nano is hot. But one Douglasville man said his old Nano got even hotter -- hot enough to burst into flames. "So I look down and I see flames coming up to my chest," said Danny Williams. Williams said the burn hole from the pocket of his pants marks the spot of his 15 seconds of flame. He said he had an iPod Nano and an glossy piece of paper in his pocket. He believes the paper shielded him from being burned. "I'm still kind of freaked out that after only a year and a half my iPod caught fire in my pocket," said Williams. The iPod uses a lithium ion battery -- the same type of battery under recall for setting laptops on fire. Williams said the fact is iPod Nano burst into flames while he was at work was bad enough, where he works could have been another issue. He works at a kiosk in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. "If TSA had come by and seen me smoking, they could have honestly thought I was a terrorist," said Williams.

HOT POCKET!

iPod nano: the latest trend in IEDs. Ok IED's aren't funny but still...I wish my iPod would catch on fire at work so I could leave early. Totally an excuse I haven't used yet!

YOUR 15 MINUTES: The Bald Rogaine Bandit

Sometimes people make this blogging hobby really easy...like 42 year-old Mark Hoousendove from New York. Mark dropped off friends to visit an inmate at Sing Sing prison on Sunday. Assumedly after dropping off his friends, Mark was bored and realized he had no hair so he proceeded to drive to the local pharmacy to steal Rogaine. A nearby officer chased the bald Rogaine thief down the street and was able to catch him. Hoousendove was jailed in lieu of $3,000 bail and is due in court today. Rogaine costs about $50. This story is priceless.

YOUR YouTube FIX: Now THIS Is A Market MELTDOWN

PS. Erin Burnett is totally my current secret news-person crush!

Or Perhaps You'd Like This Woman To Be Your Mom

Holly Schnobrich
Age: 24
Claim to fame: Let 5 year old drive
Net Worth: Judging from the story, white trash territory
Baby Daddy: unknown
Parenting Skills:

• Allowed 5 year old son drive because she was too intoxicated
• Abuses prescription medication including percocet and sleeping pills
• 3 year old was also in the car, crawling around in the backseat
• Neither child was in a safety seat
• When approached a bystander asked Ma'am, are you OK? Do you need some help? Is this your toddler?' She replied, 'Yes, but he's a good driver.'"
• Already pleaded guilty to an unrelated charge of operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
• Charged with felony neglect and public intoxication
• Son said he had a hard time driving because his legs were too short to reach the pedals
• Children were placed into custody of Child Protective Services

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Another Stupid Lawsuit

A&P Grocery store chain is suing two brothers for over $1 million. The boys, who are in college, made a parody rap video for school set in the store's produce department. The video, which was made when customers were not in the store and does not include harming actual store veggies, was posted on YouTube where it set off a series of customer complaints leading to the lawsuit. The boys have already been fired from the produce department. They're currently looking for a lawyer.

Here is my favorite controversial produce video:

YOUR YouTube Fix: If You're Trying to Hide Your Gayness, Don't Say The Words "Nasty, Naughty, Bad Boy"

1/5 Of American's Can't Find America on a Map

Here's Miss South Carolina explaining why this occurs:

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Sexy Seniors

Ever wonder what your grandma and grandpa are doing in the bedroom? I know, me either but researchers decided to take a look at the sex lives of senior citizens and they came up with some interesting results:

Many older Americans routinely engage in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation, a landmark study into a long-taboo subject reported Wednesday. Sexual activity reported among the 3,005 men and women who participated in the survey did decrease with age, particularly among the oldest participants -- from 73 percent among those 57 to 64 years of age to 53 percent among those 65 to 74 years of age to 26 percent among those 75 to 85 years of age. Of those who were active, most said they had sex two to three times a month or more. Among those who said they were sexually active, about half of men and women reported at least one sexual problem that bothered them, including low desire (43 percent), difficulty with vaginal lubrication (39 percent) and inability to climax (34 percent).The most common problem reported by men was difficulty gaining or maintaining an erection (37 percent).About one in seven men (14 percent) said they were using drugs like Viagra to improve their performance. [source]Ok, there’s something wrong with life when a majority of the senior citizens and their wrinkled parts are getting more action than me. Maybe this is good news for my future though...

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Hollywood: Urine Trouble

I’m going to assume that working at a waste water treatment plant is a shitty job (pun intended) but researchers just found a way to make it a tad more interesting: giving an entire communities drug tests using just a teaspoon of wastewater from a city's sewer plant. Now don’t get your dirty cocaine-filled panties in a bunch, they won’t be able to single out drug users…as of now. Through this testing they will be able to give an overview of the community drug use - giving federal agents information about the spread and use of drugs. …and give some asshole politician the idea to just arrest a whole community. Hollywood better hold their breath….or pee. Diapers for everyone!

One of the early results of the new study showed big differences in methamphetamine use city to city. One urban area with a gambling industry had meth levels more than five times higher than other cities. Yet methamphetamine levels were virtually nonexistent in some smaller Midwestern locales. One fairly affluent community scored low for illicit drugs except for cocaine. Cocaine and ecstasy tended to peak on weekends and drop on weekdays, while methamphetamine and prescription drugs were steady throughout the week. Sounds like common sense really – I don’t know if you need to play with pee to come up with that. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Living History

Yone Minagawa, of Japan, kicked it on Monday at the age of 114 leaving Edna Parker, 114, of Shelbyville, Indiana to take over the reign as world's oldest person. At just 5 feet tall and 70 pounds, Parker is still able to walk. She is in good health and enjoys reciting poetry at the Heritage House Convalescent Center where she lives. God bless her. Isn't she the cutest thing?!?!

She was born on April 20, 1893. Weren't they still discovering continents back then? She grew up on a farm before becoming a teacher. She taught in a two-room school in Smithland for several years until she wed her childhood sweetheart and next-door neighbor, Earl Parker, in 1911.The same year, she graduated from Franklin College with a degree in education. But as was the tradition of that era, her teaching career ended with her marriage. She began the arduous life of a farm wife, preparing meals for as many as 12 men who worked on her husband's farm. Parker had two sons, both of whom she has outlived. Sadly, her husband died in 1938.

I called my 87 year old grandmother to tell her about this story and she said "She still walks?!? Amazing. But what's more amazing is the change she's been able to see in society." Reflective little one, isn't she? Anyway, just to put this into context - There were only 22 Presidents before she Edna born. Grover Cleveland took office for the second time the year she was born. Some other nifty things that happened in 1893:

• Thomas Edison finished construction of the first motion picture studio
• Ruldoph Diesel received a patent for the diesel engine
• First recorded college basketball game occurred in Beaver Falls, PA
• The Chicago World's Fair was opened to the public. It recognized the 400th anniversary of the discovery of the New World
• Panic of 1893: Crash on the New York Stock Exchange starts a depression
• Ghandi's first act of civil disobedience
  
• First car license plates are seen in Paris
• New Zealand becomes the first country in the world to grant women the right to vote

Congratulations to Edna! Here's your 15 minutes for your 114 years. I hope the Convalescent Center throws her a giant bash!

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Crazy Floats

Last weekend, Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair with some snacks -- and a parachute. Attached to his lawn chair were 105 large helium balloons. This dude traveled 193 miles - in a LAWN CHAIR attached to balloons. ARE YOU LISTENING?!

By the way, Kent is a gas station owner. I'm not sure what, if anything, you can infer from that, but I figured you should know.

"When you're a little kid and you're holding a helium balloon, it has to cross your mind," Couch told the Bend Bulletin.

Watch Couch make the shot of the day

[source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: This Is What Happens When Only Hot Women Are on The News

A Chicago television reporter, Amy Jacobson, left her job after she was caught on video in a swimsuit at the home of a man whose wife is missing. Amy was assigned to the story. Scandal!

Jacobson's attorney, Kathleen Zellner, said she was concerned the media would distort the contents of the tape. "She wasn't fired. There was no drinking. No one was sitting in a hot tub. She wasn't anywhere near him (Craig Stebic)," Zellner said. "(Stebic's) sister invited her to drop by." Jacobson was assigned to cover the disappearance of Stebic's wife, Lisa, who still lived with her husband while the two went through a divorce. No one has been charged in the case, which has generated high interest here since the young mother of two disappeared April 30. Stebic's husband was the last person to see her, but police have said he is not a suspect in the disappearance. On the day she disappeared, Lisa Stebic had mailed off a petition seeking to remove her husband from the home. In the divorce case, she accused him of being "unnecessarily relentless, cruel, inconsiderate, domineering and verbally abusive." Jacobson, leaves behind a staff that includes Marion Brooks, who had to testify last year about her four-year relationship with former Atlanta Mayor Bill Campbell that began when she was an anchor in that city.

The moral of the story: stay away from house of a guy who has an "estranged" wife who happen to be "missing" especially when you're a good-looking reporter who is assigned to the story and especially especially if you're in a halter bikini top. Meanwhile, in related news-scandal news:

In Los Angeles, at Spanish-language Telemundo station KVEA-TV—newscaster Mirthala Salinas was only placed on a leave of absence from her duties earlier this month pending review after it was revealed she had been having an affair with Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who separated in June from his wife of 20 years. Salinas has covered the mayor, including the news of his separation.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Kids These Days...

Dino and I often scan crazy news stories to find the best "YOUR 15 MINUTES." While some stories are strange (like chinese acrobats who were being held as slaves), they just shouldn't be entertainment. Then there are stories that shouldn't be entertaining but are...like this one:

Police who chased a car for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph said the driver was drunk, hardly a rarity in this resort town. But there was more: When they looked inside the flipped vehicle with guns drawn, they found an 11-year-old girl at the wheel. "You go up there thinking it's a felon you're dealing with," assistant police Chief Greg Duck said. The girl, who was slightly injured in the crash, is now charged with driving under the influence of alcohol, speeding, reckless endangerment and leaving the scene of an accident. Duck said she sideswiped another vehicle during the roughly 8-mile chase. The chase began around 10:30 p.m. Tuesday when a patrol officer near the Florida line saw the car speeding west along a beach highway, Duck said. When the officer flicked on his lights, the driver sped up. The girl rolled the car just inside the Gulf Shores city limit. Duck said the girl, whose name was not released because of her age, told police she was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert. Investigators found no alcohol in the car but believe the girl drank before getting behind the wheel of the car, which belongs to relatives. Duck declined to release the girl's blood alcohol level but said a blood test at the hospital showed it was higher than .02, the legal limit for minors. [source]

Damn girl!!! She is going to be a fun one when she gets to college. IF she gets to college. See parents, this is what happens when your young daughters idolize people like Paris Hilton.

YOUR (MY) 15 MINUTES: I Know I'm A Little Superficial But...

I'm a total yuppie. I admit it. I bought health insurance for my puppy and I don't care if it sounds ridiculous. In fact, once I overcame my limited personal feelings of ridiculousness, I began reading over the policy only to uncover more ridiculousness. In the part about excluded conditions, a few of them struck me as particularly humorous:No puppy nosejobs
No puppy braces
And when the puppy freaks out because she can't fix her crooked nose and teeth, you better come up with another way to deal with it because they aren't paying for that either.

Luckily Celebrity Hijinx mascot, Lucia, is picture perfect

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Happy Father’s Day

Carey Whitlow was taking a trip to the store and realized he forgot his cell phone. When he went back into the house, his 3 year-old daughter climbed on top of his truck. He drove for almost 5 miles, unaware his toddler daughter was hanging off the top of his camper. You know his Whitesnake tape was too loud. She eventually let go, fell off the truck and then got up and started running after the truck. A passing motorist saw her fall. Carey still had no idea that the daughter just fell off the top of the moving truck when his wife called saying their daughter was missing. They were reunited in her hospital room. The daughter is doing well. The parents should be fired. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Ms. Butts the Toilet Paper Caper

"They said they seem to go through a lot of toilet paper at the courthouse," said Police Chief Lon Walker. Police said one of the employees caught Suzanne Marie Butts, of Marshalltown, Iowa, taking the two-ply from the women's bathroom and called police. The courthouse parking lot attendant said he knew about toilet paper going missing. "I've heard they call it the toilet paper caper," said parking lot attendant Gene Seim. Police said they caught up with Butts outside the courthouse Friday, and she was hiding the toilet paper in her shirt. Butts told NewsChannel 8 that it was the first time she had stolen toilet paper and that her attorney said not talk. The courthouse workers told police they suspected something was up. "She's facing three years incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Walker said. "Normally, that would be a simple misdemeanor," Walker said. Police said that on Friday, Butts was arrested on charges of stealing $30 from a family member.That makes four theft charges against her. A judge will decide what punishment fits this crime. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: MySpace and Murder

Eeeeeeeveryone has a MySpace these days, darling, everyone. Last year, someone uncovered the creepy MySpace profile of Tom Stephens aka "The Bishop", a suspect in the murders of five women in England. Now someone has uncovered the possible MySpace of Edwin Hall, the 26 year-old man accused of kidnapping 18-year-old Kelsey Smith at a Target and killing her. Only the name "Jack," which Hall is known by to neighbors, is used on the MySpace page, and the picture posted strongly resembles the 26-year-old who is married with a 4 year-old son. The person on the MySpace page also uses the same age and location as Hall, and a person with the same name as his wife, Aletha, has a page linked to "Jack's." ...and apparently he likes to eat small children. Both profiles have been deleted. Alas, I have the text from his profile: Leave it to the good, old internet - someone has copies of his site here , his wife's site here and a blog here. “Sweet Troubled Soul”
Male 26 years
CITY, MISSOURI
United States

Jack’s Interests

General: eating small children and harming small animals, or maby ua reaing and ua painting photography is cool, want to own my own company someday
Music: Lacuna Coil, H.I.M, And a lot of trendy EMO bands, (No not really)
Movies: anything that pushes the envalope, A clockwork Orange, Srangeland and lets not forget horror movies!!!! yea scary (or cheesy)like both
Television: Lost Dead like me and eureka is cool
Books: House of leaves- daniel Z. The Dark Tower Series- Kingand also Koontz , Lovecraft all the greats. o yea also the telaphone book, (its a page turner!!!)
Heroes: Batman, and my dad (The bastard)

Jack’s Blurbs

About me:
Its never what it seems untill you look inside the book, and those people you look up to are not as cool as they think. I love reading and to paint though I dont have enough time for either. fast cars are nice and hope to own one someday( a fast one Im not a looser I have a car)

Who I’d like to meet:
Gandi why, well to seem interesting and “with it” cause we all know its all aboutwhat others think right?

Last Login: 6/6/2007

Jack’s Details
Status: Married
Here for: Networking, Friends
Orientation: Straight
Hometown: Emporia
Body type: 5′ 9″ / Athletic
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Zodiac Sign: Libra
Smoke / Drink: No / No
Children: Proud parent
Education: High school
Occupation: Millwork Specialist

Another interesting development with this case is that another young girl, 17 year old Kara Kopetsky, went missing in early May only about 6 miles from where Kelsey's body was found. Im not sure if we didn't hear about it because she's not All-American enough or something... At this time, some police are saying the events are unrelated and some police are saying they're investigating the possible connections. On May 4th, Kopetesky went missing. "There's been no contact she hasn't called there's been no bank activity," her mother, Rhonda Beckford said. The Beckford's are following Kelsey's case, hoping it will lead to answers in Kopetsky's investigation. "It's almost one month to the day that Kara came up missing that Kelsey came up missing," her stepfather James Beckford said. "They said it was abnormal for that to happen. They said she has no reason to leave or runaway. Kara had no reason to leave or runaway," Rhonda Beckford said. When her mother walked into Kara's bedroom, nothing was missing."Her dresser is full," Rhonda Beckford said Thursday as she opened one of her daughter's dresser drawers. None of her clothes are gone, and her iPod and phone charger are on a bedroom table, something the 17-year-old's mother said Kara would never leave behind. "If this was planned, she would have taken clothes and she didn't," Beckford said while holding a missing poster of her daughter. "If she had to buy clothes, she would have had to use her debit card, and she didn't." [source]

Again, this is a friendly PSA from CH to think about the potential ramifications of MySpace. Your MySpace could be used against/for you if you're a victim/suspect/criminal. It can be used to paint whatever kind of picture the press wants to paint. ...aaaaaaaaaaand your friends could be people you really don't want to be friends with...like accused killers and stuff. Really kids, pay attention..I say this because I love our readers, not because I'm turning into a paranoid old lady! I'm not. Really. I promise.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: The Mayor or Jesus

There must be some crazy drugs going around in Rosemont, Illinois because the town is starting to hallucinate. Some say they see the dead mayor’s face in a tree…others say it’s Jesus. The mysterious bark apparition was noticed less than two months after the town’s mayor died. Donald Stephens was mayor for almost 50 years. The tree, outside a health club, was twice slated to be torn down. It was saved each time because Stephens intervened. YAY! Now, it is guarded by a barricade, and a single candle placed by well-wishers stands nearby.I think it looks like Orville Redenbacher or maybe Charles Manson..or perhaps BARK. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Oops!

Some parents are up in arms over photos and captions in this year's Conifer High School (Colorado) yearbook that depict underage drinking and illegal drug use.

There were at least five pages that parents found objectionable. Two pages, labeled "Health - addicted to addictions," included photos showing students holding a bong, drinking from a hose and funnel and exhaling smoke. Alongside the photos were quotes from students, some named, some anonymous, about their drug use. "It makes me feel good," an unnamed senior is quoted as saying about marijuana. "It brings people together. If you smoke with someone, you're chill with them." In another section labeled "Regrets and mistakes" there is a photo of three female students - all identified - holding minor- in-possession tickets they were given by police for underage drinking. The photo caption quoted one of the girls saying, "I wish I wouldn't have told the cops the truth when they asked who had been drinking because they made it sound like they would be easier on us, but they let everyone else walk out the door."

Some parents talked to the yearbook adviser, Amy McTague, last week about her concerns and was disappointed in McTague's response. "She went on about it was the students' First Amendment right to freedom of speech, and we disagreed about that," a parent said. "She has betrayed the trust of this community." McTague, who also teaches junior English, could not be reached for comment Monday, but she sent a letter apologizing to parents. "It wasn't my intent or my students' intent to portray such a negative tone in their attempt to cover all aspects of a students' life and some of the very difficult choices they face," she wrote. "Intent, however, is irrelevant at this point; I understand that," she continued. "My editor and I have discussed at length and have agreed that there was no balance on the pages that are of concern and that some elements are completely inappropriate. These issues detract from the many wonderful things that are included in this book." Interim Principal Pat Termin agreed that mistakes were made. "There were some things . . . that I don't feel that I can defend," she said. "There were some pictures and quotes that I do believe have crossed the line." Students can return their yearbook to get a refund or to have the offending text covered with stickers featuring new captions and quotes. The "Health - addicted to addictions" pages will be glued together. [source] Cute solution. Just hope they don't sniff the glue!

Time for an afternoon lesson on the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Unfortunately for Amy McTague, the first amendment only provides her the right to express herself without interference or constraint by the government. It does not give her (or anyone else) the right to say or print whatever the hell they want in a high school yearbook. The first amendment does not afford members of the media any special rights or privileges not afforded to citizens in general. While there may not be governmental boundaries with freedom of speech/press (except when engaging in and/or promoting illegal activities), there are societal boundaries, like the responsibility of her job and/or protecting minors from obscene/questionable material. It's a sticky situation. I mean seriously, what the hell was she thinking? The ramifications of one of these pictures could be life- altering. For example, suppose one of those students wants to run for office. That's obviously not something you think about while posing next to a bong in a high school yearbook but it might come back to kick you in the ass during your campaign - at age 30! So next time you want to pull out the first amendment in a questionable situation, contact your attorney or you might end up without your pension.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Toka-Cola

Kenneth Affolter just can’t catch a break. First he was sentenced to more than five years in prison for making pot-laced treats and soft drinks with names such as Stoney Rancher, Rasta Reese's and Keef Kat. Now he’s being sued by Hershey because the names, while witty, can also be categorized under trademark infringement, trademark dilution and unfair competition. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, each came in packaging similar to Hershey's Jolly Rancher, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kat candies. The company is seeking $100,000 in damages. Papers were served on Affolter on Tuesday while he was in a county jail awaiting transfer to state prison. Affolter's lawyer, David M. Michael, said he was negotiating with Hershey. [source]