If you can't beat 'em, sue 'em...

In case you’re feeling extra homophobic and hateful this beautiful Monday morning, you can join a group filing a formal complaint with the Federal Trade Commission over the promotional practices of Clay Aiken’s record label including charges of false advertising and misrepresentation after Clay’s image was promoted as “not gay” and he now allegedly boned some military man. A spokesman for the group, which is probably made up of three hostile, money-hungry, hypocritical, Christian extremists from the Midwest, said, "As consumers, we feel ripped off. It is obvious now that the private Clay is very different from the manufactured, packaged public Clay who was marketed to us."

I’m just wondering what apparition they were seeing because ever since Clay Aiken came in second place during the second season of American Idol, I’ve been seeing a nerdy, red-headed gay boy who probably likes bottom (although his lover now says he’s a top) and sings about being invisible and watching you in your room (last time I checked those are the words of a stalker). I learn something new everyday though because up until today I didn’t realize the Bible said that a record label needs to advertise sexual orientation of their singers and that Jesus wants the Christians to file class action lawsuits against people who are maybe-gay and have a private life different than their public life.

It's like these people have never seen a maybe-gay person before and they don't know what to do with it:

One day the Clay Aiken record came to a screeching halt as rumors of Clay Aiken being gay came through the hate filter on their Christian computer. Since they couldn't find Clay to tar and feather him and burning his two cds, tour t-shirt and Christmas video in the backyard didn't make much of a statement, they figured "why not profit from our intolerance? Maybe we can get a new mini-van." They decided to gather thy hateful neighbor and sue his record company for not telling them he might be gay.

I wonder if they realize he's not the first American entertainer to possibly be gay and not tell the public. Maybe this group can start retroactively suing all of the rumored gay entertainers of the past putting into motion one of the largest entertainment lawsuits in American history. Then the lawyers' fees would dry up their hate-monger funds and keep them out of their secret-fundamentalist-Christian-terrorist training...oops...I mean "extremist church camp" making the world a little less hateful. [source]