Friday, August 31, 2007


New Music: Britney Spears: Gimme More

Ryan Seacrest played an unidentified new song on his show today (it appears to be an unofficial leak and may not even be finished), and now it's streaming over at Perez Hilton. The verdict? Xine and I have decided that this is Britney's comeback song. Agreed?

NOTE FROM XINE: It's NOW available on Brit's myspace.

Stream:> Britney Spears: New Song

Guessing Game: Guess Her Age

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Who Would You Rather Have As Your Mom?

Britney Spears
Age: 25
Claim to fame: Multi-millionaire world-famous pop star
Net Worth: Possibly in excess of $100million
Baby Daddy: Kevin Federline – professional sperm donor/unemployed dancer
Parenting Skills:

  • Does not like to properly use safety seats/high chairs
  • Drops children
  • Wants to bleach her babies’ teeth
  • Being investigated for child abuse
  • Recently investigated for animal abuse
  • Recent trip to rehab
  • Flashes private parts
  • Car accident
  • Late night partying
  • Strange, revealing unmatching outfits
  • Apparently promiscuous
  • Started dating a man while he had a pregnant girlfriend
  • Reports of drug use including cocaine and ecstasy
  • Reports of excessive drinking and possibly some drinking while pregnant

Dina Lohan
Age: 44
Claim to fame: Pimping out her daughter to the movie industry
Net Worth: Whatever she makes off her daughter's dying career
Baby daddy: Michael Lohan – serial felon, substance abuser, now works for God
Parenting Skills:

  • Does not obey court order to allow father to see children
  • Daughter in rehab 3 times this year following 2 DUIs and cocaine possession
  • New boyfriend is a drunk and a rapist
  • Habitual liar and manipulator
  • Puts money before children’s welfare – daughter is cash cow
  • Uses cocaine
  • Had 6 DUIs
  • Crashed her car and left the scene
  • Was recently seen at Kobe club in a"really short dress and boots," A guy sitting next to Dina was "all over her." "Dina had a napkin in her lap and hiked up her dress," the source says. "The guy put his hand under her napkin . . . It went on for like five minutes."
  • Supposedly drinks and does drugs with her daughter.
  • Has been seen out partying with her underage daughter.
  • Lied about being a former Rockette
  • Speaks openly to the press about personal family items and often does not make sense and/or is in a serious state of denial

Or Perhaps You'd Like This Woman To Be Your Mom

Holly Schnobrich
Age: 24
Claim to fame: Let 5 year old drive
Net Worth: Judging from the story, white trash territory
Baby Daddy: unknown
Parenting Skills:

  • Allowed 5 year old son drive because she was too intoxicated
  • Abuses prescription medication including percocet and sleeping pills
  • 3 year old was also in the car, crawling around in the backseat
  • Neither child was in a safety seat
  • When approached a bystander asked Ma'am, are you OK? Do you need some help? Is this your toddler?' She replied, 'Yes, but he's a good driver.'"
  • Already pleaded guilty to an unrelated charge of operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
  • Charged with felony neglect and public intoxication
  • Son said he had a hard time driving because his legs were too short to reach the pedals
  • Children were placed into custody of Child Protective Services

Anna Nicole's Drama Still Haunting This World

No joke - I woke up this morning thinking "it's really nice that the Anna Nicole top tag has become smaller and smaller." It only took like a year for the drama to die down. Then immediately following that thought, the magical drama fairy swooped down from the sky and dropped the following Larry Birkhead/Howard K. Stern/Dannielynn story onto my lap:

In a stunning and expensive turnaround, OK! magazine yesterday dumped its Anna Nicole Smith poster boy, Larry Birkhead. The glossy was to have featured exclusive coverage of baby Dannielynn's first-birthday party as part of a $1.7 million access deal. But bombshell allegations in a book about Birkhead's custody fight with lawyer Howard K. Stern, set to be released next week, caused OK! to cut the relationship. "My biggest fear is that Larry and Howard may have tricked us all," editor Sarah Ivens said in a statement yesterday. It is strongly rumored that "Blonde Ambition," written by Rita Cosby, will indicate the two men, who both claimed to father the baby, struck a backroom deal. "The newly obtained allegations are detailed, shocking and potentially incriminating," the magazine's publicist said. "It makes it impossible for OK!, in good conscience, to promote this family's highly questionable relationship in our pages."

Larry says OK! is just pissed that he and Dannielynn were on the cover of last week's US Weekly and OK! has been threatening him. I believe that. OK! seems to have a serious case of PMS lately. First they rip apart Britney, now Larry. Meow. On a side note, who didn't think that Larry and Howard had some sort of backroom deal? Not me. I'm sure it involves a lot of money and maybe a little toe tapping. These two are going to exploit that little darling to kingdom come.

Questionable Quotes: Ashton Kutcher

“Guys don't like to be told they look nice, pretty, or cute or that they clean up well. We want to feel dirty, rugged, and, most important, that you feel safe when you are in our company. So when your guy finally tries on something that you like, tell him that he looks like James Bond or Tony Montana”

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Another Stupid Lawsuit

A&P Grocery store chain is suing two brothers for over $1 million. The boys, who are in college, made a parody rap video for school set in the store's produce department. The video, which was made when customers were not in the store and does not include harming actual store veggies, was posted on YouTube where it set off a series of customer complaints leading to the lawsuit. The boys have already been fired from the produce department. They're currently looking for a lawyer.

Here is my favorite controversial produce video:

YOUR YouTube Fix: If You're Trying to Hide Your Gayness, Don't Say The Words "Nasty, Naughty, Bad Boy"

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

That's One RICH Poochie

Recently deceased Hotelier Leona Helmsley left her dog, Trouble, $12 Million. Leona's precious maltese dog was given a trust fund that was made public yesterday. Leon's brother, Alvin Rosenthal, was also given millions and named as Trouble's caretaker. Trouble will also be buried next to Leona in a luxurious mausoleum. The mausoleum must also be steam-cleaned once a year.

Leona left $5 Million each to 2 of her four grandchildren, but they must visit their father's grave site once a year or they don't get a dime. She didn't leave one penny to her other 2 grandchildren for "reasons they are aware of." Damn, I am all about dogs, but this shit is just crazy! I wonder if Trouble got a black AMEX?

Excuse me MISS, YOUR *** is Showing...

Ummmm, maybe someone should tell Miss Spears that it is great if you want to wear your favorite shirt out for a day filled with shopping, but maybe, just maybe include your shirt with some jeans...

President BUSH made of BUSH

After the Bush Library reportedly backed out of a portrait they had commissioned from British artist Jonathan Yeo, the 36-year-old artist went forward with one anyway, a collage created from fragments of 100 porn magazines. The work was unveiled yesterday at London's Lazarides Gallery in Soho.

According to the gallery, "Yeo was commissioned to undertake a portrait of US President George W Bush, but was later told his services were not required. He decided to continue the commission on his own, and Tuesday’s unveiling will reveal the fruit of his labours. In a few weeks time we will be releasing a limited edition screen print of the Bush collage." Oh man, I would hang this in my house any day!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Quote It!

YOUR YouTube FIX: Hipster Olympics

Hacker Wanted: Reward - A New Car

The teenage hacker who managed to unlock the iPhone so that it can be used with cellular networks other than AT&T will be trading his reworked gadget for a new car.

George Hotz, of Glen Rock, New Jersey, said he had reached the deal with CertiCell, a Louisville, Kentucky-based mobile phone repair company. Hotz posted on his blog that he traded his modified iPhone for "a sweet Nissan 350Z and 3 8GB iPhones." "This has been a great end to a great summer," Hotz wrote. The 17-year-old Hotz said he will be sending the three new iPhones to the three online collaborators who helped him divorce Apple Inc's popular product from AT&T's network. The job took 500 hours, or about 8 hours a day since the iPhone's June 29 launch. Hotz made the deal with Terry Daidone, co-founder of CertiCell, who also promised the teen a paid consulting job. "We do not have any plans on the table right now to commercialize Mr. Hotz' discovery," Daidone said in a statement. [source]

Lucky sonofabitch. I'll take apart my stupid pink razr if someone wants to give me a car and a new job. Hell, I'll do a lot more than just take apart a phone. In fact, I'd do just about anything to have someone just give me a new car. Bob Barker was probably my best bet. I guess I'll have to ask Drew Carey now....

A Whole Bunch of Toe Tapping

I just don’t understand this: why do gay men deny the fact that they’re gay, become public figures that oppose homosexuality and then troll for men in the dredges of society? It makes no sense. Just get over it - accept you’re gay, find a nice gay man, move to South Beach, hold hands and fly a little rainbow flag on your front porch.

Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, has stepped down from his role in Mitt Romney's presidential campaign after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor charge stemming from his arrest at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Craig was apprehended June 11 by a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of lewd behavior in an airport men's room. The arresting officer noted: “At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area.” Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor. “It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper,” the arresting officer said in the report.

Ooooh, I like a little he said/he said situation early in the morning. Fun. I might actually attempt to believe the Senator if he wasn’t accused doing coke and having sex with mail congressional pages in 1982 and then accused of flirting with a man in Idaho. That's too much lifelong gay scandal for a straight man. PS.I know lots of gay men and I had no idea about this toe tapping thing until today. PPS. He's married with like 3 adopted kids.

Questionable Quotes: Gay Edition

Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho:

"Once again, I'm not gay, and I don't cruise, and I don't hit on men. I have no idea how he drew that conclusion. A smile? Here is one thing I do out in public: I make eye contact, I smile at people, they recognize me, they say, ‘Oh, hi, Senator.' Or, ‘Do I know you?' "I've been in this business 27 years in the public eye here. I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!"

Nope, apparently he just does it on Capitol Hill and a bathroom at the Minneapolis Airport.

Who doesn't love puppies?

I'm testing out this new video feature Blogger added with the most adorable video of my baby's first swim. Trust me, she's going to be a celebrity dog one day. I'm a huge stage dog-mom. She's already the most famous pup at the dog park.

Quote IT!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Next Time She Won't Have To Shave It. It Will Just Fall Out.

Someone is starting to look normal again! One time in college I went from brown hair to white blonde to black to brown to white blonde again in like a matter of weeks and then my hair fell out. Seriously, it broke off at about 3 or 4 inches. It was awful. In Brit's case, she probably doesn't even have 3-4 inches of the real stuff. Anyway, does anyone know if it's comeback season yet? I'm really getting impatient.

1/5 Of American's Can't Find America on a Map

Here's Miss South Carolina explaining why this occurs:

Thursday, August 23, 2007

BREAKING NEWS: Britney has a new song

Lately there has been a number of false leaks of shitty Brit demos but Ryan Seacrest played one this morning and it might be the real deal. I actually don't think it's horrific. I would probably listen to it at home at night with a glass of wine, possibly shave off my hair and then cry myself to sleep. Click here to listen.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Sexy Seniors

Ever wonder what your grandma and grandpa are doing in the bedroom? I know, me either but researchers decided to take a look at the sex lives of senior citizens and they came up with some interesting results:

Many older Americans routinely engage in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation, a landmark study into a long-taboo subject reported Wednesday. Sexual activity reported among the 3,005 men and women who participated in the survey did decrease with age, particularly among the oldest participants -- from 73 percent among those 57 to 64 years of age to 53 percent among those 65 to 74 years of age to 26 percent among those 75 to 85 years of age. Of those who were active, most said they had sex two to three times a month or more. Among those who said they were sexually active, about half of men and women reported at least one sexual problem that bothered them, including low desire (43 percent), difficulty with vaginal lubrication (39 percent) and inability to climax (34 percent).The most common problem reported by men was difficulty gaining or maintaining an erection (37 percent).About one in seven men (14 percent) said they were using drugs like Viagra to improve their performance. [source]Ok, there’s something wrong with life when a majority of the senior citizens and their wrinkled parts are getting more action than me. Maybe this is good news for my future though...

Questionable Quotes: Terrence Howard

In last month's Elle magazine Terrence Howard says "If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

Madonna Leaked


A track from Madonna's forthcoming album leaked onto the internet. Check out "The Beat Goes On" while you have the chance. [Towleroad]

Jessica Biel - My Boyfriend's Girlfriend

Looking kinda hot in a low-cut silk blouse, Jessica opens up about love, life and gay rights in an exclusive interview in the September issue of FHM, which took place during a recent trip to Paris. Honest to Pete - this girl has gotten more press since she started dating my boyfriend. WTF.

Jessica on bringing sexy back: To be sexy, sexy, sexy is not very interesting on a creative level.”

Jessica on gay marriage: “I do not believe anyone has the right to judge you because you like such or such person. Gay marriage should be legal everywhere.”

YOUR YouTube FIX: Flea Market Rapper

Birthday ALARM

Actor Jay Mohr is 37.

Actress Vera Miles is 77.
Satirist Mark Russell is 75.
Actress Barbara Eden is 73.
Actor Richard Sanders (WKRP In Cincinnati) is 67.
Country singer Rex Allen Jr. is 60.
Singer Linda Thompson is 60.
Actress Shelley Long is 58.
Singer-actor Rick Springfield is 58.
Actor-producer Mark Hudson is 56.
Singer Julian Casablancas of The Strokes is 29.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1966 - Lunar Orbiter 1 took the first photograph of Earth from orbit around the Moon.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Why BEERS and BEARS Don't MIX...

CNN is reporting a 23-year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival. The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it. "There's a good chance he was drunk or drugged. Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage," zoo director Vuk Bojovic told Reuters. Local media reported that police found several mobile phones inside the cage, as well as bricks, stones and beer cans. Dammmmnn, Me thinks Winnie the Pooh likes more than just honey.

Wednesday Hoff

We used to have a "Friday Hoff" column a year or two ago and today it's making its Wednesday comeback because Hoff decided to go on America's Got Talent last night and sing show tunes. How gay is that? I need a cocktail. Anyway, here's Germany's top vocalist singing "This is the Moment."

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Hollywood: Urine Trouble

I’m going to assume that working at a waste water treatment plant is a shitty job (pun intended) but researchers just found a way to make it a tad more interesting: giving an entire communities drug tests using just a teaspoon of wastewater from a city's sewer plant. Now don’t get your dirty cocaine-filled panties in a bunch, they won’t be able to single out drug users…as of now. Through this testing they will be able to give an overview of the community drug use - giving federal agents information about the spread and use of drugs. …and give some asshole politician the idea to just arrest a whole community. Hollywood better hold their breath….or pee. Diapers for everyone!

One of the early results of the new study showed big differences in methamphetamine use city to city. One urban area with a gambling industry had meth levels more than five times higher than other cities. Yet methamphetamine levels were virtually nonexistent in some smaller Midwestern locales. One fairly affluent community scored low for illicit drugs except for cocaine. Cocaine and ecstasy tended to peak on weekends and drop on weekdays, while methamphetamine and prescription drugs were steady throughout the week. Sounds like common sense really – I don’t know if you need to play with pee to come up with that. [source]

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Questionable Quotes: Hayden Panettierre

“I find it funny to watch people patronise me or think I’m dumb because I’m blonde and young. “I know I have a higher IQ than 99% of the brunettes out there. It gives me more of a sense of accomplishment when I achieve things after people have underestimated me.”

Monday, August 20, 2007

Mood Music: If you can't beat 'em, sing along

I haven't been able to get this song out of my head since I heard it while I was shopping this weekend. Now I'm going to make everyone feel the pain. Enjoy.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Couture du Jour: Mommy and Me - 2007?

A long, long time ago when I was a little girl, mommy and me clothes we generally hideous plaid jumpers from the JC Penney catalog. Fortunately my mom never bought into that crap. Since my childhood, children's fashion has advanced giving the next generations of girls the opportunities to not always look like a 47 year-old sunday school teacher from Missouri. On the flipside, girls now have endless opportunities to look like 12 year old American prostitutes.Paris Hilton, America's favorite coochie-flashing, jailbird, pornstar, socialite heiress, decided to design a woman's line for Kitson...and she has a mini-her in the same dress. I think she just found the only market she hasn't tapped yet. I mean really, the only places that dress would be appropriate for a child is in a tap dance recital or a dress-up box. After looking at Kitson's pictures of the collection, the kid is not only wearing the dress...she's also apparently sewing them herself in a back alley LA sweatshop. Truly hideous clothing. It doesn't even photograph well. Seriously, they should've Photoshopped the whole collection. This shirt reminds me of a windsock I made in middle school home ec. class. I bet they sell better quality stuff at Fashion Bug. Paris is donating some of the proceeds to LA's Children's Hospital. She's no Paul Newman thought...only 10% of the proceeds from the $70 poly-blend shirts will be going to the hospital.

Kanye - Just SHUT UP

Kanye West continues to address his heterosexuality, in an interview with the UK's Manchester Evening News:

Kanye_west_2"Speaking out against hip-hop homophobia, some people were like 'Oh, Kanye must be gay! Look at the way he's dressing! And why would he speak about it? He's a gay rapper'," he notes. "And my whole point is, I wouldn't have spoke on that if I was gay or if I was in the closet. I would have stayed so far away from it. And I'm still homophobic myself to certain extent. You know, I wouldn't go to a gay parade and feel comfortable. I wouldn't ever to a gay club or something and just be chillin' and grab a drink. It's being in the entertainment world, I meet so many different gay people who are actually nice people. Where I came from, Chicago, being black and being a hip-hop artist, we used to really disrespect gay people. And the thing is, we can't get close to them with a 10-foot pole. And I realised, 'wow, how ignorant has this been?'"

Kanye West: The Big Interview [manchester evening news]


Starlotta Comes Clean

It’s been almost four years since Star Jones Reynolds walked into a hospital and had gastric bypass surgery performed. But after all that time, the defunct ‘View’ co-host is still unclear why she kept it a secret.

“I had always been this girl out there who said I would die fat and happy,” she told ABC’s Diane Sawyer on ‘Good Morning America.’ “What a lie.”

And despite being a bold and often outspoken personality on screen, Star said she needed extensive therapy to start talking openly about her weight loss surgery.

“I wish I could explain what emotionally crippling control is,” she said. “It took me a long time in therapy to be honest with you, to open up.”

Watch part two of the interview with Star on ‘Good Morning America’ Friday.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Sean Penn is 47.

Actor Robert Joy (CSI: NY ) is 56.
Singer Belinda Carlisle is 49.
Guitarist Gilby Clarke (Guns N' Roses) is 45.
Singer Maria McKee is 43.
Drummer Steve Gorman of the Black Crowes is 42
Singer-bassist Jill Cunniff (Luscious Jackson) is 41.
Actor David Conrad (Relativity ) is 40.
Rapper Posdnuos of Del La Soul is 38.
Singer Donnie Wahlberg of New Kids on the Block is 38.
Actor Bryton McClure (Family Matters ) is 21.
Actor Brady Corbet (24 ) is 19.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1998, Monica Lewinsky scandal: US President Bill Clinton admitted in taped testimony that he had an "improper physical relationship" with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. On the same day he admitted before the nation that he "misled people" about his relationship. Ah, the good ol'days!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Middle School Art Project



Age: 3 in dog years
Weight: Anorexic
Eyed: Dilated
Coat: Spotted/Freckled
Breed: Freckle-Bellied Cokewhore Terrier

My dog was last seen on the morning of July 24, 2007 chasing cars in Santa Monica. She will answer to the call of: Lilo, L Squared, Lo Hoe and Dime Bags, 2 for 10 dollars. She was also last seen carrying her favorite boys: a little white bag we call her “doggy bag” ad her favorite black ankle bracelet. Please come home!


If you have any information, please call. All the change in my couch will be offered for the information leading to the safe return of my dog.

Coat Hangers are for Closets

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Duck Tales

I know I compared Jenna Jameson to Daisy Duck in a previous post but I really have to revisit the issue. While Jenna is falling on the skinnier side of the spectrum, she's not hideously skinny. In fact, I think she might've gained a few....ounces. Now I believe she's trying to blow a kiss in this picture but it appears to just not be working for her. Which is a shame, really, because she's a porn star and that's pretty much a huge part of the job.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Living History

Yone Minagawa, of Japan, kicked it on Monday at the age of 114 leaving Edna Parker, 114, of Shelbyville, Indiana to take over the reign as world's oldest person. At just 5 feet tall and 70 pounds, Parker is still able to walk. She is in good health and enjoys reciting poetry at the Heritage House Convalescent Center where she lives. God bless her. Isn't she the cutest thing?!?!

She was born on April 20, 1893. Weren't they still discovering continents back then? She grew up on a farm before becoming a teacher. She taught in a two-room school in Smithland for several years until she wed her childhood sweetheart and next-door neighbor, Earl Parker, in 1911.The same year, she graduated from Franklin College with a degree in education. But as was the tradition of that era, her teaching career ended with her marriage. She began the arduous life of a farm wife, preparing meals for as many as 12 men who worked on her husband's farm. Parker had two sons, both of whom she has outlived. Sadly, her husband died in 1938.

I called my 87 year old grandmother to tell her about this story and she said "She still walks?!? Amazing. But what's more amazing is the change she's been able to see in society." Reflective little one, isn't she? Anyway, just to put this into context - There were only 22 Presidents before she Edna born. Grover Cleveland took office for the second time the year she was born. Some other nifty things that happened in 1893:

  • Thomas Edison finished construction of the first motion picture studio
  • Ruldoph Diesel received a patent for the diesel engine
  • First recorded college basketball game occurred in Beaver Falls, PA
  • The Chicago World's Fair was opened to the public. It recognized the 400th anniversary of the discovery of the New World
  • Panic of 1893: Crash on the New York Stock Exchange starts a depression
  • Ghandi's first act of civil disobedience
  • First car license plates are seen in Paris
  • New Zealand becomes the first country in the world to grant women the right to vote
Congratulations to Edna! Here's your 15 minutes for your 114 years. I hope the Convalescent Center throws her a giant bash!

Nancy Grace and Britney Spears = BFF

Questionable Quotes on Anorexia Chronicles by Courtney Love

Courtney Love on her recent extreme body makeover in Harper's Bazaar:

“I’ve lost a lot of weight, and I have done it through being quite disciplined… Some people think it’s about weight loss, but it’s about detoxing. I hate reading magazines where the actresses are saying 'broccoli and fish, broccoli and fish.’ You liars. You bulimic liars.”Another reason to love Courtney Love. She's such a straight-talker that Courtney. Although really, broccoli and fish is a decent way to lose weight. I'm not lying.

A Mouth Only A Heroin Smoker Could Love.

So last week Amy Winehouse went on a binge that uncovered the mysterious ingredients of a hospitalization for "exhaustion." They are as follows: smoking heroin + cocaine + ecstasy + ketamine (animal tranquillizers) + vodka/whiskey x 3 days = exhaustion. Confirming the code name for overdose.On Friday night, just days after her OD, Amy and her husband were caught by her best friend Juliette Ashby smoking heroin in a hotel suite. After a huge blow-up with their family, the relatives continued to try to make her go to rehab and she finally said "OK ALREADY!!" Amy and Blake will apparently be detoxing from heroin and cocaine addiction. I can't imagine the bill on the therapy for that mess. She used to look so much hotter! Seriously. I hope she goes back to the "before" look where she had curves, normal-looking hair, teeth - so she can move on with her insane talent. [source]

Friday, August 10, 2007

Raise Your Hand if You're Fat and Gay

Looks like all those nights spent in front of the web cam eating oreos while jerkin' it are having an effect on America's favorite closet case. ‘American Idol’ reject Clay Aiken was recently photographed looking a little more like bloated Perez Hilton during the Soft Rock & Hard Place Tour in Los Angeles.


Birthday ALARM

Actor Antonio Banderas is 47.

Actress Kate O'Mara ("Dynasty") is 68.
Actor James Reynolds ("Days of Our Lives") is 61.
Singer Patti Austin is 59.
Actress Rosanna Arquette is 48.
Drummer Jon Farriss of INXS is 46.
Singer Neneh Cherry is 43.
Singer Aaron Hall is 43.
Guitarist Todd Nichols (Toad the Wet Sprocket) is 40.
Singer Michael Bivins (Bell Biv Devoe) is 39.
Actress Angie Harmon ("Law and Order") is 35.
Country singer Jennifer Hanson is 34.
Singer Nikki Bratcher of Divine is 27.

FUN FACT: On this day in 2000, World Population reached 6 billion according to world population tracker.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Glad I'm Not Her. Really.

The other day Dino covered Lindsay Lohan's upcoming article in Elle where she talks about how she's super responsible and stuff and would never drink and drive. Now there's a video of her interview where you can hear the coke drip down the back of her throat while she's trying to conjure up some big words to describe how she would love to design bags. Coke baggies, maybe. Handbags - I think not.
That Lindsay Lohan. So eclectic and evolving. Like OMG. Her new movie is super duper totally scary. You know what else is scary? Her parents.

Lohan's former bodyguard of three years, Tony Almeida, says neither Dina nor Michael Lohan provided any structure for Lindsay when she was growing up and that both were wild, abusive, neglectful partiers who needed to keep their "cash cow" daughter working to pay their bills. Almeida, who worked for Lindsay from 2002 to 2005, told the new issue of In Touch, "From a young age, she dealt with her father's physical, emotional and drug abuses as well as her mother's drinking."

Once, when Lindsay was 16, Michael flew into a rage while driving and "slammed on the brakes and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut. This was on the Long Island Expressway! I got in the middle of it and pulled him off." Meanwhile, Dina often "let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working . . . [At her 16th birthday party] Lindsay drank whatever she wanted - I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes [without Dina's intervention]."As Lindsay's manager, Dina - who was desperate to become a star herself - received 10 percent of her income. "Lindsay was the family cash cow - and she resented it," Almeida claims. "They counted on her to pay their bills . . . I saw Lindsay exhausted, begging her mother for some time off."

Young Lindsay's parents looked the other way as she began a life of boozing, boys and drugs. When she was 15, they allowed her to share a room with her then-14-year-old boyfriend, Aaron Carter, at Loews in Miami Beach. Almeida relates, "They knew Lindsay was sleeping in Aaron's room. But they seemed happy she had chosen somebody who could benefit her singing career. By age 18, Lindsay had moved on to harder substances. Almeida recalls walking in on her and another celebrity in a closet at a club one night as they sniffed white powder. The ex-bodyguard also claims Lindsay cried out for help for years by cutting herself and threatening suicide.

Isn't that rich? Really though, just because your parents let you sleep with a guy to advance your music career then pull you out of a car on the highway to call you a slut and then get you totally boozed up and let you move out as long as you're paying their bills doesn't give you a free pass to drunk drive your way into crackheadland.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Birthday ALARM

Singer J.C. Chasez is 31.

Producer Dino De Laurentiis is 88.
Actor Dustin Hoffman is 70.
Actress Connie Stevens is 69.
Actor Larry Wilcox (CHiPS ) is 60.
News anchor Deborah Norville is 49.
Guitarist The Edge of U2 is 46.
Rapper Kool Moe Dee is 45.
Singer Scott Stapp is 34.
Singer Drew Lachey of 98 Degrees is 31.
Singer Marsha Ambrosius of Floetry is 30.
Actress Countess Vaughn (The Parkers,Moesha ) is 29.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1974, Watergate scandal: U.S. President Richard Nixon announced his resignation, effective the next day.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


This is John Mayer response to Tay Zonday's (The Weird YOUTube kid's) Chocolate Rain! Hysterical...

DUDE Looks Like A LADY

I'm just saying them brows are mannnnnish.

Britney's Fender-Bender

You read all about it yesterday.

Now it’s time to view video Britney Spears’ tragic car accident with a parked car yesterday. Hey, how’d that get there?!

Perhaps if Brit Brit avoided driving with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand holding her puppy, such needless smash and dash incidents would not occur.

Hey, Matt. How's IT Hanging?

Apparently to the left!

It's apparently gay-day here on Celebrity Hijinx, but I'm not going to apologize. You like seeing this shit as much as I do. DON'T LIE!

Here is big screen hunk Matthew McConaughey as he snacks on an apple and lets the twig and berries hang during a recent outing with friends in Malibu.

UM, for the love of god. Can an overzealous paparazzi get a nude pic of this dude or WHAT already?!

Holy Bulge, Spiderman!

Yes, please. Toby is a mean machine when he's not fat, right?

Mood Music: 50 Cent, Timbaland, and My Boyfriend, JT

Here's the new 50 Cent video that features my bf, JT. Check it out. There's a girl that's girating in a car during a few shots, and I think she looks strikingly like Beyonce. It's not her, but she sho do look like Beyoncetron 5000.

YOUR YouTube FIX: Hooookay... SO

In light of the fact that the internet debuted 16 years ago today, I felt it was suitable to play this little flash vignette: The End of the World. Enjoy.

Birthday ALARM

Actress Charlize Theron is 32.

Actress Verna Bloom (Animal House ) is 68.
Humorist Garrison Keillor is 65. Singer B.J. Thomas is 65.
Actor John Glover is 63.
Actor David Rasche is 63.
Country singer Rodney Crowell is 57.
Actor Wayne Knight (Seinfeld ) is 52.
Singer Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden is 49.
Actor David Duchovny (The X-Files ) is 47.
Country singer Raul Malo of The Mavericks is 42.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1991, World Wide Web debuted as a publicly available service on the Internet. Minutes later, I began downloading gay porn. I'm just sayin'.

Friday, August 03, 2007

LaLa Spoke To Soon

Lindsay Lohan's words are eerie.

Honestly, like 45 seconds before her arrest, she opened up about her first rehab stint, Calum Best (some model dude), caretakers and idols in Elle magazine's September issue. The interview took place 36 hours before her arrest in May on suspicion of driving under the influence.

After that arrest, Lohan, who turned 21 on July 2, entered Malibu's Promises rehab center, which she left July 13 after completing a 45-day program. She was arrested July 24 and booked on suspicion of felony cocaine possession, misdemeanor DUI and driving with a suspended license. Lohan's lawyer, Blair Berk, says the actress is getting treatment. Some highlights from Elle:

•Her January rehab stint. "I was glad I went, because I needed to get away from everyone. … And I learned a lot there."

•Saying "I'll never do …" "You're setting yourself up for a disaster. I never say never."

•Who takes care of her. "Jenni (Munro, one of her assistants), my mom and Leslie (Sloane-Zelnick, her publicist)."

•Relationship with British model Calum Best. "He's me in male form. We're very similar. Stubborn, rebellious, very smart, coy, a little bit narcissistic."

•Whom she relates to in Hollywood. "Ann-Margret. Marilyn Monroe. … Marilyn exudes sex appeal. She was such an innocent sort. … That was the tragic side of it."

Now, if she could only get pregnant, all her problems would melt away. Just ask Nicole.


Elton John on Shutting Down the Internet In The Name of Music

Elton John has some advice on how to deal with what he sees as a dearth of good music today: shut down the internet!

Eltonjohn"The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff. Instead they sit at home and make their own records, which is sometimes OK but it doesn’t bode well for long-term artistic vision. It’s just a means to an end. We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet. I mean, get out there — communicate. Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet. Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging. I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span. There’s too much technology available. I’m sure, as far as music goes, it would be much more interesting than it is today. In the early Seventies there were at least ten albums released every week that were fantastic. Now you’re lucky to find ten albums a year of that quality. And there are more albums released each week now than there were then."

Can anyone reading this post even think of one person that's purchased an Elton John album in the last five years??



Birthday ALARM

Actress Evangeline Lilly (Lost ) is 28.

Singer Tony Bennett is 81.
Actor Martin Sheen is 67.
Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart is 66.
Movie director John Landis is 57.
Actress JoMarie Payton (Family Matters ) is 57.
Actor Jay North (Dennis the Menace ) is 56.
Actor John C. McGinley (Scrubs ) is 48.
Singer-guitarist James Hetfield of Metallica is 44.
Singer Ed Roland of Collective Soul is 44.
Actor Isaiah Washington (Grey's Anatomy,Soul Food ) is 44.
Musician Spinderella of Salt-N-Pepa is 36.

FUN FACT: On this day in 2004, the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty reopened after being closed since the September 11, 2001 attacks.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Questionable QUOTES: Kanye West

"Only white people and older black people say 'bling' now. If a white person uses slang too early, then that makes them look like a wigger. But if black people use slang too late, then it makes them look like a wigger."


Birthday ALARM

Actress Mary-Louise Parker is 43.

Director Wes Craven is 68.
Singer Kathy Lennon of The Lennon Sisters is 64.
Actor Max Wright (Alf,Norm ) is 64.
Actress Joanna Cassidy is 62.
Actress Kathryn Harrold is 57.
Singer Andrew Gold is 56.
Actor Butch Patrick (The Munsters ) is 54.
Singer Mojo Nixon is 50.
Actress Victoria Jackson is 48.
Actress Cynthia Stevenson (Men In Trees,Hope and Gloria ) is 45.
Director-actor Kevin Smith (Clerks,Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ) is 37.
Actor Edward Furlong is 30.
Drummer Devon Glenn of Buckcherry is 27.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1937, the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937 was passed in America, essentially rendering marijuana and all its by-products illegal.