Thursday, August 31, 2006

If They Could Only Photoshop Elisabeth Hasselbush Out Of This World

Rosie O'Donnell is about to start her little stint on 'The View' and it looks like they Katie Couric-ed her promo picture to make her less monster dyke/more daytime television. Rosie confirmed the Photoshopping in her R-blog (I think). Here is the passage -- *warning* you need a top secret spy decoder:

they retouched katie …yea….and they airbrush
everyone in everything we see on tv or in print EVERYTHINGi did a movie called beautiful girls an ensemble piece
by teddy demme
uma tin matt mira me
i saw the poster and said aloud
“i didn’t know courtney cox was in this film”
it wasn’t courtney - it was me i called my agent – laughing
she called harvey w
i was on the phone listening
he said
so what- she should thank me - she looks a lot better and that
my friends
is hollywood the suit i wore that day is a size 16
it was very expensive
which means it is really more like an 18 my a&f turtleesq cargo shorts
r size 36
all my t shirts r xxl
shoe size 9 i saw the view black suit photo on drudge
and i vote yes
it was photo-shopped
look at the amount of white space
between my arm and body
barbara and elisabeth seem to vanish
there in my underarm thinnest
yes i say

ARETHA!! Put That Shit Away!

At first glance, you might think the image above is in reference to Aretha Franklin's boobs - and you're not 100% wrong. In fact, my reaction to Aretha Franklin's boobs was pretty much the same, cept I got over super fast. A quick, "that's why I'm gay," for self-reassurance, and I was all set to go.

But seriously, two masterpieces by artist Edvard Munch have been recovered two years after they were stolen from an Oslo museum - one of them, The Scream, picture above, and Madonna were found in a police operation. "We are 100% certain they are the originals. The damage was much less than feared," police said. They had been missing since two armed men ripped them from the wall and threatened staff at the Munch Museum in the Norwegian capital in August 2004.

Police said no new arrests had been made and the two gunmen who stole the paintings in the first place remain at large. Much like Aretha Franklin's tits.


Charlotte Church Thinks Paris Is A Waste Too

Charlotte Church: I don't know if I love her or hate her. Love to hate her. Or hate to love her. Sometimes she's fantastically beautiful and then other times she looks like a giant heifer with decent eyebrows. She's a quite talented singer but sometimes she's rather annoyingly crude. She just gained popularity with me though after this quote about her debut television show:

"We asked Paris to be on the show. I thought it would be funny to make fun out of her because she's such an airhead but she wanted a ridiculous amount of money. Having her on would have cost us the price of a big house - £350,000. It's pathetic. It's not as if she would say anything earth changing." [source]

What's Cookin?

Missy Elliott and Ciara were no-shows at their own party Tuesday night, infuriating the event planners. Partygoers and paparazzi waited two hours for the duo to arrive at the "Dripping in Diamonds" party at Cipriani on 23rd Street, which they were supposed to host. They were "contractually obligated" to be there, fumed the event planners - who were only mildly mollified when Elliott and Ciara showed up at the after-party at Stereo but offered no excuse for being late.

Instead, I'll offer their excuse for them-- they were simply too busy eating out. What was for dinner? Clams. [source]


Poor Aretha Franklin! The Queen of Soul looks like she turned into the Queen of Soul and Chicken Fried Chicken. The straps on her dress appear to be one high note away from the most tragic nip slip of the century. They must be made out of steel...or superman's hair. Her areolas are probably the size of Jeremy Piven's head after he one that Emmy. Ick. I think it’s about time for Extreme Makeover: Diva Edition.

Mrs. Ritchie is Rich

Madonna lives in a material world and she has so much money she could probably buy it too. Madonna's Confessions tour grossed more than $80 million for 32 U.S. shows and is now doing well in Europe. She officially poops platinum.

What Would Your Leader, Tom Cruise, Say About This?

You can take the Scientology out of the fag, but you can't take the fag out of the Scientologist.
I dunno, that's what I heard anyway.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Hey Naomi, Ever Heard of This?!

Ever heard of the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship? It was held in Finland this weekend. I think I saw Naomi Campbell there.

Old phones were supplied for contestants who were allowed to pick which kind of phone they wanted to throw. So, does it make more sense to frisbee a Razor or to chuck an old clunker? Maybe the Chevy Suburban of cell phones, the Motorola V600.

The men's winner threw his phone 292 feet. The women's winner tossed her phone 167 feet, a new world record according to the organizers. She said she has tossed a cell phone a time or two before.

Another contestant said several things were needed to compete: technical skills,mild retardation power, and a sense of humor.


Birthday ALARM

Actor Chris Tucker (Rush Hour ) is 34.

Singer Van Morrison is 61.
Actor/Gerbil Enthusiast Richard Gere is 57.
Singer Glenn Tilbrook of Squeeze is 49.
Guitarist Jeff Russo of Tonic is 37.
Singer/Washed-Up Nobody Deborah Gibson is 36.
Bassist Greg Richling of The Wallflowers is 36.
Singer Tamara of Trina and Tamara is 29.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

MC Skat Kat Was Her Imaginary Date

Who needs a limo? Paula Abdul took the crazy train to the Emmys. I can understand drinking a glass of wine or a cocktail to calm one's nerves before the ceremony but she clearly drank a bottle or three. And speaking of bottles, the bottles that hold your prescription medication specifically state "May Cause Drowsiness. Alcohol Will Intensify this Effect. Do Not Drink Alcohol While Taking This Medication." Guess what? They're right. Trust me, I've learned the hard way. What's most embarassing about this clip is that the interviewers act like Paula is the definition of rational. You're going to want to close your eyes after a few seconds:

Guessing Game...

Which recently separated couple liked to have another woman join them in the bedroom? Sadly for the husband, his wife liked the women more than him - and when he finally banned others from his bed, his wife realized she was no longer attracted to him at all.

Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson seem like that type.

Which TV star is doing a little too much cocaine? The actor recently went to the Soho Grand where he "did lines out in the open bar," and at the Emmys he "wore a dirty brown shirt and smelled of drugs."

I present you with Adrian Grenier and his dirty brown shirt. [source]

A Match Made In Queer Music Heaven

WOAH. I guess I forgot about John Mayer for a second and all the sudden, he's sorta fat. No?

Well, regardless, People magazine is reporting that John Mayer and Jessica Simpson are dating and it's some sort of big secret or something. Yawn. "She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source tells People. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."

Simpson is currently in New York promoting her new album, A Public Affair, which was released Tuesday – although a bruised vocal cord has quashed any planned performances. Similarly, Mayer had to cancel his Hartford, Conn., appearance with Crow on Saturday due to laryngitis. Isn't that cute? They're already sharing communicable diseases. I bet he put it in her butt.

I say she traded down.


Pirelli and the Elderly

Alright folks, a little over a month ago, my trusty partner in crime, Xine, brought you news of Sophia Loren's cameo appearance in the upcoming Pirelli calender.

Well, as it turns out, Fashion designer and uglier/fatter half of Dolce & Gabbana, Stefano Gabbana is less than impressed with screen goddess Sophia Loren's scantily clad pose for the new Pirelli calendar due out in November. The Dolce & Gabbana founder has no idea why the 71-year-old actress attracted such acclaim for the raunchy images, insisting she should have kept her dignity and refused the shoot. He says, "I don't think much of Sophia Loren posing for the recent Pirelli calendar. What was that all about? I mean, she is a beautiful woman but a beautiful elderly woman. "You need to know when to say enough is enough and make room for the next generation."
Stefano is a fine example of age-appropriateness. I mean, seriously, it's fine if Stefano is still trying to squeeze twenty-something year-old men into TEENIE WEENIE little-boy bathing suits for his runway shows. That's what old gay men are supposed to do.
The only room Stefano is making for the "next generation" is between his butt cheeks. Don't listen to him, Sophia... you show the world your milky-white-sagass-titties.

Katie, Maybe CBS Is Trying To Tell You Something

The left photo is the official first-pic-of-Katie released by CBS. (TVNewser posted it in May.) The right photo is an edited version of the same photo, from the September issue of Watch! magazine, which is owned by CBS - cause even they think she's ugly (Here's the PDF of the magazine.)
Couric appears on the cover in a striped business suit. The touched-up photo appears inside. The publication is distributed at CBS stations and on American Airlines flights.
CBS News President Sean McManus said he was "obviously surprised and disappointed when I heard about it." Katie, who's 49 years-old, said she hadn't known about the digitally reworked version until she saw the issue. The former NBC "Today" show host told the Daily News, "I liked the first picture better because there's more of me to love."
Thing is, I can't seem to find even one thing to love, let alone more of it. I personally like the photoshopped version better. They somehow lifted that really beautiful orange glow, and less of Katie is always more in my book.

Birthday ALARM

Actress/Boyfriend-Stealer Cameron Diaz is 34.

Actor Bill Daily (I Dream of Jeannie) is 78.
Comedian Lewis Black (The Daily Show ) is 58.
Actor Michael Chiklis (The Shield) is 43.
Country singer Sherrie Austin is 35.
TV personality Lisa Ling (The View ) is 33.
Singer Rich Cronin of LF0 is 31.
Singer-guitarist Aaron Barrett of Reel Big Fish is 26.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What Would Jesus Drink?

Multimillionaire televangelist, former presidential candidate and fraud, Pat Robertson added "health-food promoter" to his wide-ranging résumé when he introduced "Pat's Age-Defying Shake" to viewers in August 2001. Seems his "age-defying" diet shake isn't just a philanthropic endeavor anymore. The televangelist is looking to turn a profit from it. After four years of touting the benefits of his weight-loss shake via his nonprofit Christian Broadcasting Network and sending the recipe to any viewer who asked for it, Robertson has licensed the shake for national distribution by General Nutrition Corp., a Pittsburgh-based health-food chain. Phil Busch had dreamed of inspiring millions of Robertson's viewers to lose weight drinking the evangelist's shake, just as Jared Fogle did for Subway sandwiches. Busch says he lost 198 pounds in 15 months drinking Robertson's concoction, leading to an on-camera interview with the Virginia Beach-based broadcaster on the daily TV show "The 700 Club" last month.
But Busch's hopes have been dashed by the crosscurrents of commerce. The man commercially hawking Robertson's shake is Pittsburgh bodybuilder Dave Hawk, who's affiliated with GNC.
Now Busch is hopping mad -- all 210 muscular pounds of him -- and the recriminations are flying. Busch says Robertson played him for a sucker, using him to hype his product when it was a nonprofit venture, then dropping him like a hot, carb-filled potato when he went commercial. Robertson and Hawk say they've been publicly maligned by Busch and have threatened legal action. Hell hath no fury like a Christian scorned. The commercialization of Robertson's shake drew fire from the Trinity Foundation, a Dallas-based religious media watchdog organization. Trinity has been critical of past Robertson business ventures, such as his African gold and diamond mines and Kalo-Vita, a multilevel marketing company that sold vitamins and cosmetics. Ole Anthony, Trinity's president, said Robertson improperly used his tax-exempt, nonprofit ministry to create a market for his shake. Um...duh.
Why not make big bucks off the fatass Bible thumpers who spend money on his crap? All in the name of Jesus, kids. Speaking of...I think I'm going to pour myself a big glass of Jesus Juice. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Delete "Quickie Wedding" From Your Vocabulary NOW

Not only are you now banned from sleeping next to urine and feces in Las Vegas, you also won't be allowed to get your marriage license 24 hours a day on weekends. The Las Vegas government just won't stop ruining my plans for this weekend. County officials approved a new 8am-midnight schedule elimiating the 24-hour marriage license services on Fridays, Saturdays and holidays. The counter did not offer after-midnight service Monday through Thursday. Booooring. Seriously, what's with this? Do they have some staunch Republicans taking over? What's next -- no hookers? Jesus, at this rate you might as well just plan a trip to DC. Yawn. Isn't the 24 hour marriage license thing like 1/4 of the reason to go to Vegas (of course the other 3/4 being aforementioned hookers, gambling and Elvis impersonators)? ...or in my case: the Forum shops, the Forum shops, Pure and some poolside cabanas but that’s not relevant. I should have the right to a spontaneous wedding that I'll regret in the morning if I want one…that's why liquor and Vegas were created. [source AP]

In Case You Didn't Know By Now

Old Blind Item: Which newlywed husband of a TV personality dropped her off at an award show, then went on a tour of gay bars in L.A.? What he didn't realize was that the limo driver had to keep a list of every stop and that when network execs got the limo bill, the list "looked like a Yellow Page ad of gay bars..." My Answer with New Gossip: Star Jones and hubby Gay Al Reynolds were back from their European vacation for only a couple of hours last week when Reynolds left his wife at home to hit the clubs with the guys. He arrived at Lotus with three young men "in tight pants" and a woman and partied for a few hours before going home to Jones. But a pal of Reynolds says he may have just been trying to help his underemployed spouse get a job, telling us: "Al went out with the new female host of '106th and Park' and a group of executives from BET." ...executives from the new young, gay, black porn division of BET maybe. [source]

IKEA - Swedish for BIG DICK

IKEA Canada said a photo in its new catalogue that appears to show a well-endowed male greyhound has not been tampered with and that the appendage in question is in fact the dog's leg that "has an unfortunate resemblance to a HUGE DICK something else."
"It is an uncanny likeness," conceded IKEA Canada public relations manager Madeleine Frick.
Rumours that the dog's appearance was the handiwork of a disgruntled IKEA employee using a computer program such as Photoshop to alter the image are not true, Ms. Frick said.
"Our intent is not to offend anybody. There is a resemblance to something else, but it is in fact the dog's leg," she said.
Um, a dog's leg or a baby's arm holding a ripe prune?
This is xine. I'm hijacking Dino's post to bring you yet another case of "unfortunate resemblance." I present to you...a BIG, CIRCUMCISED PENIS ON A BUN:

So do they want us to eat it or fuck it? You would assume these advertising agencies have some sort of person in charge of proofing photos for phallic and yonic imagery… or maybe they just have a sense of humor. Bon Appétit. [source]

Fall Down. Go Boom.

Normally I would come up with a witty bit about Nicole falling...except I wiped out hardcore today on my way to a a skirt. Oh, and some fabulous heels...except they didn't look so fabulous when they were spread out over the concrete. When you have a homeless man making fun of you, it kind of detracts from your desire to make fun of celebrities. Alas, I go home with just a scraped knee and a bruised ego.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Can I Perform This Exorcism with my Wireless Connection?

Father Gabriele Amorth, Pope Benedict XVI's "caster out of demons" told Vatican Radio that Adolf Hitler and Stalin were possessed by the Devil.
"I am convinced that the Nazis were all possessed. All you have to do is think about what Hitler - and Stalin did. Almost certainly they were possessed by the Devil."

"You can tell by their behaviour and their actions, from the horrors they committed and the atrocities that were committed on their orders. That's why we need to defend society from demons."
I'll be goddamned to fuckery. That explains it all.
According to secret Vatican documents recently released wartime pontiff Pope Pius XII attempted a "long dime distance" exorcism of Hitler which failed to have any effect. Father Amorth said: "It's very rare that praying and attempting to carry out an exorcism from distance works." "Of course you can pray for someone from a distance but in this case it would not have any effect."
Um, my friend works for Apple, and that sounds like you might have a problem with your wireless router cause I can do exorcisms wirelessly with my laptop, no problem. It's super easy.
Oh, and P.S. - I love the Catholic Church.

Breaking News: Stars Are Blind, Not Deaf

Don't expect Paris' CD to outsell her porn video anytime soon. The wannabe pop star's new record (which received reviews like this: Paris is a collection of uninspired, self-indulgent techno dance tracks that are insulting to nearly everyone....This is an obvious reference to the fact that Paris has next to no singing talent, but will make producers a mint by her selling power and open-legged cover art alone....“Stars Are Blind” has the distinction of being the best track on the album, but remains plagued by Hilton’s voice...Musically, Paris is on par with a train wreck) only sold 75,000 copies during the opening week. Projected sales for next week are said to be a measly 30,000, which is a larger than normal second week drop. "Paris" is languishing at the bottom of Billboard's Hot 100 - so Hilton's label rushed out her second single, "Turn It Up," which isn't doing very well either. "The international outlook is not much better for her," one industry source told Page Six. "The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can't back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can't sing live." The source added that Hilton was advised a year ago to train her voice, work with choreographers and learn an instrument to prepare for a limited tour, but "obviously she didn't listen." For comparison purposes, Christina Aguilera's first-week sales was 320,000. Paris' deaf-blind rep, Elliot Mintz says, "To me, [the album] sounds huge. For a newcomer, this is incredibly impressive." To you, Elliot. To you.

In related news, Cher's son Elijah Blue Allman, told Howard Stern that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous - but he got nervous right afterward that he might have picked up a sexually transmitted disease from her. Instead of using a condom, he just ran downstairs quickly after sex and washed his love stick with Tilex. Brilliant. Can you imagine what kind of a skanktastic impression she gave him during their sex session that would make him want to immediately dump chemicals onto his manhood? [source]

Birthday ALARM

ActorJohn Alieneyes Hensley (Nip/Tuck ) is 29.

Actor Elliott Gould is 68.
Super Count Fagola Robin Leach (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous ) is 65.
Singer Michael Jackson is 48.
Actress Rebecca DeMornay is 44.
Bassist-lesbianic singer Me'Shell NdegeOcello is 37.
Actress Carla Gugino is 35.

Monday, August 28, 2006


I was always obsessed with the cat on Mr. Rogers and my boyfriend will attest to the fact that I sing the Meow Mix commercial at least 3 times every day since that commercial came out a million years ago. I have this strange fascination with fake cats on TV. I don't like cats in real life -- just on TV. I'm giving rap cat he's much-deserved 15 minutes of fame. This made my day:

He's going to be HUGE someday.

Hmmm... Cheeky

Yeah. That's Heather Locklear wearing NO PANTIES and some see-thru skirt. I mean, she's what, like 50 now? I think she's got a great body for a woman her age. And maybe she's had a little work done, but I guess it's not easy being "that woman" in Hollywood... U know, the one all the ugly bitches can't wait to see finally begin aging. She's looked 27 for the past 15 years for fucksake.
I say, let the aging begin.


My Eyes Are Burning

I'm pretty much all set with seeing Janet Jackson's boobs and spray-on abs.
It's like, dude, we know you were fat a couple months ago - all wearing baseball caps and sweatshirts trying to hide your face and shit. And we all know you're 40 now, and you've been dating what's-his-name... um, Jermaine I'm-shorter-than-my-girlfriend Dupri for a long time, and the two of you love having sex. AWESOME. Thing is, your new song sucks, your albums will most likely flop, and you look more and more like a photoshopped version of Michael + Latoya. Moving on.


Melts in Your Mouth and Cums in Your Hand

Eminem apparently mistreated one of Hugh Hefner's bimbonic blond girlfriends at an L.A. music video shoot last week. Kendra Wilkinson, one of Heff's sluts girlfriends featured in the new E!show, "Girls Next Door," was doused with water by the rapper on the set of "Smack That Ass," Eminem's duet with singer Akon.
"Smack That Ass." Hmm. Ok, I'll go along for the ride I guess. Who am I to pass judgement? I'm sure it's a really great song, and I bet it's really meant to "empower" women. I'm sure the name of the song is just meant to provoke people... to get their attention.
"Eminem came out of his trailer and threw water on her and was really disrespectful," Wilkerson's agent Jonathan Baram told Page Six. "He flipped out on her. She's a tough girl. She didn't take it, and they went at it - not physically but verbally." Um, you sure they didn't physically "go at it" a little earlier that day? I know, bitches be goin crazy after shovin' a little m&m inside that shit.
Wilkerson played Eminem's "love interest" in the video, Baram says. Eminem PR dude, Dennis Dennehy says the rapper feels "horrible" about his behavior and sent flowers to the Playboy Mansion to make up. It seems to have worked. "Now that I think about it, he was probably just playing a joke," Kendra said. "I don't want there to be any controversy between me and Eminem."
Kendra, you're a real stand-up kinda girl - cept, you're mostly lying down, kneeling down, and goin down. Ya heard.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Jason Priestley (Beverly Hills, 90210 ) is 37.

Actor Ken Jenkins (Scrubs ) is 66.
Actor Daniel Stern is 49.
Actress Emma Samms is 46.
Country singer Shania Twain is 41.
Actor Billy Boyd (Lord of the Rings ) is 38.
Actor-singer Jack Black of Tenacious D is 37.
Actor J. August Richards (Angel ) is 33.
Country singer Leann Rimes is 24.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Celebrity Clone: Turning Gay Men Into Lesbians One Kidney At A Time

Poor Steven Cojocaru! His polycystic kidney disease turned him into Chastity Bono. I hope he feels better than he looks!
This is what the bitch looked like pre-kidney drama: Remember those "I Want A Famous Face" twins on MTV. They were actually just on the Tyra Show the other day (I think it was Tyra). Anyway, they wanted faces like Brad Pitt and I would always laugh because they ended up with a famous face alright-- Steven Cojocaru's. Too bad they didn't get his personality.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Smells Like Teen Shark Jump

Sometime this season on CSI expect Grissom to be on water skis investigating a drowning on a lake when he encounters a new, rare breed of Nevada lake sharks. How do I know this? I can smell a hit show jumping the shark a mile away... it's not hard when they cast KEVIN FEDERLINE in the show. No, he's not playing a corpse -- he actually has a SPEAKING part!

Federline tells PEOPLE while on the set of the CBS show, "This is pretty much my first time acting. It's the first time I've actually had a speaking role." He adds that the offer came about quickly. "I was doing stuff for the Teen Choice Awards," he says, "and got the call while we were rehearsing and I pissed in my pants! I was excited right off the bat. It's the only show that I really, really watch." Federline, 28, started shooting his part in Los Angeles on Thursday night. He will play a menacing, arrogant teen who harasses investigators Nick Stokes and Warrick Brown on a job. But to take on CSI, Federline will rely on his instincts. "I just read the script," he says. "They told me they wanted it to be more of a natural thing that comes to me." Oh, I get it now -- he doesn't really have to act. He's playing a menacing, arrogant teen -- that's right about on-track considering he's menacing, arrogant and lives the unemployed life of a teen. K-Fed just done gone ruined my favorite show. The fact that he had an offer for a speaking role makes me want to vomit all over his socks with sandals. No wait, false alarm....that was just the socks and sandlas that made me want to vomit. [source]

Smoking Is Bad But So Is Your Hair

"I can't stand smoking. I hate everything about it. If the most gorgeous woman in the world were to light up a cigarette, all of a sudden I wouldn't think she's very sexy anymore" says Donald Trump. That's funny because with that combover and those crazy-long eyebrows I bet she wouldn't find you very sexy either. [source]

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Blast From The Past

A Louisiana school district suspended a white bus driver while it investigates complaints that she ordered nine black children to sit at the back of the bus. When I was young, children used to fight over who would get the back seats -- they were like the MOST coveted seats ever. Two mothers, both black, sparked the investigation with a complaint on Monday that their children and the other black children had been ordered to sit in two rows of seats in the rear of the bus. "In all these years, I've never had a problem like this," said Janice Williams, whose four children ride public school buses. One of her children, Jarvonica Williams, 16, said the bus driver allowed many white students to have seats all to themselves while some blacks were forced to stand or sit in others' laps. Iva Richmond, whose 14- and 15-year-old children were on the bus, said Thursday that they previously had a black bus driver, but their bus assignment changed this year. When school started this month, the white driver told them she had assigned them seats, with the black children at the back of the bus. Does somebody miss their black bus driver? Wait, why the hell is school started already? It's still summer. They shouldn't be complaining about sitting at the back of the bus, they should be complaining about going to school in the middle of August. Richmond said she complained to a local principal, who told the driver that if any children were assigned to seats, all would have to be. Early last week, the driver assigned black students to two seats in the back of the bus, Richmond said."All nine children were assigned to two seats in the back of the bus and the older ones had to hold the smaller ones in their laps," she said. The women said their complaints to parish school officials were not immediately addressed. The driver has since been suspended without pay, and she would announce the results of the district's investigation at a school board meeting on Sept. 5. Sending blacks to the back of the bus is SO retro. That's totally a fall trend I didn't predict. [souce]

Birthday ALARM

Macaulay Culkin's days as a child star are long gone; he turns 26 today.
Tommy Mottola's wife, Thalia, is sure to have a fabulous 34th birthday party today.
Shirley Manson is celebrating the big 4-0. I don't think she's really done anything since the big 3-0.

Friday, August 25, 2006

William H. I'll Kick Your Tardy Ass

First Lindsay was blasted in a scathing letter from her Georgie Rule boss, now actor William H. Macy, who costars with Lohan in the upcoming drama Bobby, is blasting the actress for her lack of punctuality on the set of the film. “She was pretty late,” he admitted Thursday at a press conference for his new film Everyone’s Hero. But Macy, 56, has a solution for actors who don’t take their responsibilities seriously: “Fire ‘em!” Macy’s wife, Felicity Huffman, costars with Lohan, 20-year-old in Georgia Rule. SLAP. “Felicity says she’s a huge talent. That girl can act. But you can’t show up late. It’s very, very disrespectful.” “I think what an actor has to realize, when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you,” he continues. “There is not an apology big enough in the world to make 150 people scramble. It’s inexcusable. It’s nothing but disrespect. " That sucks. When I show up for work late (every day), nobody even notices.

And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they’re God’s gift to the film and it’s inexcusable. They should have their asses kicked." articulate up until that quote. He adds: “I worry about these young kids – 15, 18, 20 years old – who in the span of one year become millionaires and powerhouses. It’s too much power for a kid that age to handle.” You know he added that whole "Felicity says she's a huge talent" so he didn't get HIS ass kicked. Kick her ass, Bill! She better slap some powder on those new thunder thigs or she's going to have some painful chafing. [source]

One Hypocritical Blind Vice

Oh, like that's an unusual adjective in this town, huh? People who want it both ways? I swear, Hollywood playahs are just like men sometimes--they want their headlines but don't want to be eaten by them, too. So far, Bitchy Snitchy is getting that double-standard request. See, while B.S. (nice initials, huh?) is busy blasting away 'bout biz that bothers him so much, let's just say his personal life is just as offensive as what he's currently decrying in the media. The nasty nerve! Hmmm, can I be more specific? Possibly. I'll try:

Bitchy, a dude who's long rumored to have a--how shall I say?--very democratic, very generous and very secretive love life, is right now, as we cyber-goss, busy schtupping somebody outside of his well-known love match. Regularly, too. Most regularly--and not all that discreetly, either, interestingly enough. Doncha love it? Guys. So predictable. As is the notion that whenever you hear somebody squawk the loudest, take a second (very close) to look at what they're screamin' 'bout. Oftentimes, it pales in comparison to what they're up to themselves.

It's not:

So Bill is cheatin' on Hillary again?

Candle in the Wiz-ind

Elton John done lost his mind. His old, gay ass wants to rap. "I want to bring my songs and melodies to hip hop beats -- a bit like 'No Diggity' by Blackstreet," Elton said in excerpts of an interview posted on Rolling Stone's Web site Friday. Because "No Diggity" was so profound. Elton told the music magazine he would like to work with producer Dr. Dre and a variety of artists, although he had yet to to contact them. "I want to work with Pharrell, Timbaland, Snoop, Kanye, Eminem and just see what happens. It may be a disaster, it could be fantastic, but you don't know until you try," he said. Disaster fo shizzle. I can't wait for the 'Your Song,' 'Rocket Man' and 'Candle in the Wind' remix . Great...Elton John performs with the homophobic hip hop star in the universe (Eminem) ONCE five years ago and just because he didn't get tied to the back of a truck with a stick up his butt and booed off stage, he wants to "do" hip hop. House music would be a fun midlife music crisis for Elton John. He can do a little clubby "Don't Let The Sun Go Down on Me" remix. He's gay...he probably already did that. [source]

Birthday ALARM!

OC cutie Rachel Bilson is 25.
Claudia Schiffer is only 36. I thought she was older.
Actor Cameron Mathison is 37.
Host/wannbe chef Rachel Ray is still annoying at 38.
Actor Blair Underwood is 42.
Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Heart turns 45 todayl
Tim Burton is 48 years old. This is a public service annuoncement letting you know that your goth phase should be over by this age.
Elvis Costello is still singin' at 52.
Gene Simmons is coverin' up his 57 year-old wrinkles with makeup.
Regis Philbin is still hosting at 75. Retire already, Reg.
Sean Connery is a hunky 76!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pucker Up

Was Jessica Simpson totally drunk at Sunday's Teen Choice Awards? Why would I surmise such a thing?

Because Lil'Miss Jess approached Britney Spears and asked to kiss Brit's VERY pregnant belly. Why would anyone want to do a thing like that? Her prego belly is way too close to Kevin Federline's penis for any decent woman's liking.

An always-classy Britney Spears replied with "Hell, no!" Pregnancy is a bitch. [source]

Birthday ALARM

Actor Stephen Fry is 49.
Actor Steve Guttenberg is 48.
TV Host Craig Kilborn is 44.
Actress Marlee Matlin is 41.
Crazy Comedian Dave Chapelle is 33.
Cheating husband and teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray is 25.
HarryPotter nerd Rupert Grint is 18.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

YOUR 15 MINUTES: ...of hate

Let me introduce you to fourteen year-old twins Lamb and Lynx Gaede. They have two albums, music videos, a DVD and devoted fans. They kind of remind you of the Olsen twins when they were cute, young and made lots of money off their young, wholesome image, right?Wrong. Let me introduce you to the twins' "Happy Hitler" shirts. Their fans are not your typical teeny boppers — they're white nationalists. The twins are also white nationalists and use their 'talents' to preach a message of hate. Known as Prussian Blue, a nod to their German heritage and bright blue eyes, the girls from Bakersfield, Calif., have been performing songs about white nationalism before all-white crowds since they were 9. "We're proud of being white, we want to keep being white," said Lynx. "We want our people to stay white. … We don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race." Lamb and Lynx have been nurtured on racist beliefs by their mother, April, since the day they were born. "They need to have the background to understand why certain things are happening," said April, a stay-at-home mom who no longer lives with the twins' father. "I'm going to give them, give them my opinion just like any, any parent would."

No one claims to be more outraged than the girls' estranged father, Kris Lingelser. "Do they know how many people out there will look at [them] and just go — I mean I get angry, just angry," Lingelser says. "And they don't deserve that anger. They don't deserve that hate. That's not them." Lingelser says he never taught his daughters these ideas and claims he didn't even know how radical their beliefs were until he turned on ABC News' "Primetime" and saw former Ku Klux Klan wizard David Duke with his daughters...and that's why Lingelser went back to court to try to regain custody, which he lost when he and April first divorced because, he admits, he had a problem with drugs. Ted Shaw, a civil rights advocate and president of the NAACP's legal defense fund, says he believes the girls did not come up with their ideas on their own. "It really breaks my heart to see those two young girls spewing out that kind of garbage," Shaw says. "Obviously, they're being taught. Their minds are being poisoned by somebody. I know nothing about their parents, but I'd start looking there." Lingelser, who says he is not a racist, also points the finger at the girls' mother. ABC News played him the girls' responses to interview questions, including the girls' statement that Adolf Hitler was "a great man" who "had a lot of good ideas." "It's just horrible," Lingelser says. "How do I feel? I want it to stop. I want them to not say 'Heil Hitler.'"

I mean seriously, who doesn’t have a drug problem? I’d rather see these adorable little girls with a guy smoking crack out of a light bulb while making meth in the garage than with their “heil Hitler” white trash mother. Someone needs to smack this Lynx bitch upside the head with a metal pipe and tell her she’s white…pure white…pure white trash! You know after all this, when these girls are 18, they’re going to be completely jaded and sitting on the receiving end of a big black cock. Only four more years ‘till their porn debut. In fact, this might be a fun, little short-term investment. The one on the right could be pretty a few years of course. [source]