Friday, September 29, 2006

I See London, I See France...

I can see what's in Matthew Fox's pants.

Friday Breakdance Dance Break

Birthday ALARM

Singer Jerry Lee Lewis is 71.

Jazz violinist Jean-Luc Ponty is 64.
Actress Patricia Hodge is 60.
Guitarist Mike Pinera of Iron Butterfly is 58.
TV personality Bryant Gumbel is 58.
Actress Jill Whelan (Love Boat ) is 40.
Singer Devante Swing of Jodeci is 37.
Actress Emily Lloyd is 36.
Actress Natasha Gregson Wagner is 36.
Actress Rachel Cronin (Ed ) is 35.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Martha, You Crazy Betch

As JoJo most eloquently sang once when she was 13, "Boy, you musta fell and bumped yo head." This Martha Stewart character (i get the magazine so i can't be too harsh) told the press that she'd like to invite Eminem to her show.
"We play his music during breaks to keep people very lively and they love him," Stewart told AP Radio in a recent interview. "I would really love to have Eminem on the show," the she said. "I don't think he knows that my demographic audience is so involved in Eminem music."
What the fuck is she talking about?
Martha does have a wild side I guess. She licked David Letterman's jelly covered finger when he pretended to cut himself during a cooking segment with her.
"I knew it was jelly because I looked really carefully before I licked his finger. And I think he was looking for a reaction and didn't know what I would do," she said. "I'm sure he was totally shocked that I would lick his finger, as were many, many, many other people," she said with a laugh.
Hmm... the real reaction happened somewhere below David's desk I bet. BOING

A Moment of Silence

The baby daughter of Rev. Run and his wife Justine died at birth. Run issued the following statement on Wednesday at MTV:

"On September 26, 2006, Victoria Anne Simmons for some unknown reason chose to come early and unfortunately did not survive. We must accept whatever is there and once you accept unconditionally, then everything is beautiful. Every pain has a purifying effect."

The baby was delivered Tuesday at Valley Hospital in Ridgewood, N.J., the Associated Press reports. Justine Simmons is fine.

Everybody Poops

For Dan

The Verdict is In

I guess I was wrong on this one. My first guess was obviously suicide. Then, my second guess would have been some sort of drug overdose. My third guess certainly wouldn't have been a lethal combination of methadone and two antidepressant drugs. I guess I just assume that doctors today know what the fuck their doing when they prescribe medication.

Toxicology tests showed Daniel Smith had methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro in his system when he died September 10th in his mom's hospital room in the Bahamas where Anna Nicole was recuperating from giving birth to her daughter.

"The fact that we have these drugs and the levels of the drugs overwhelmingly and most logically point to this being a tragic, accidental, drug-related death," Wecht, the U.S.-based pathologist who conducted a private autopsy, said.

Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's lawyer who was in the hospital room when Daniel died, told CNN's "Larry King Live" on Tuesday that he is the father of the 3-week-old baby girl, Dannie Lynn Hope. (click here to watch it go down on larry)

This onion has many layers.


Oh Fuck.

Bored at work? Maybe you've just eaten your breakfast and your stomach is slowly settling. That oatmeal just isn't sitting right today for some reason. And that corn you had last night for dinner is about to make it's way back into this world, and it doesn't look much different on the way out, if you know what I mean.

Well, whatever ails you this morning, it doesn't compare to the wrenching pain this video will inflict upon you. It's Screech-longdong-Diamond - doing something gross - in a hotel - with two girls - and it ends with a Dirty Sanchez.



Is That Toothpaste In Your Nose?

So, really, when it's all said and done with, what does your life amount to when the paparazzi get paid the big bucks to get pictures of the inside of your nosehole?

I'd like to pose two related but different questions here...
1) Would I be worse off being the person who's nosehole is being photographed because of a SERIOUS cocaine problem,
2) or would the person who's trying to photograph my nosehole be worse off cause that's how they got paid? Photographing noseholes.

Birthday ALARM

Actress Hilary Duff is 19.

Actor William Windom (Murder, She Wrote ) is 83.
Blues singer Koko Taylor is 78.
Actress Brigitte Bardot is 72.
Singer Ben E. King is 68.
Actor Joel Higgins (Silver Spoons ) is 63.
Actress-comedian Janeane Garofalo is 42.
Actress Mira Sorvino is 39.
TV personality Moon Zappa is 39.
Actress Naomi Watts is 38.

Evangelical Christian Terrorist Training Camp

I always joke about it but here it is:
I believe this clip from yesterday. This morning there was a better, longer clip on ABC. (I'll look for it later - I'm at a conference). The bitch who runs Jesus Camp thinks children are exposed to witchcraft everyday through entertainment and that if Harry Potter was in the Old Testament he would be killed -- and she tells that to the children. Fantastic. There's seriously somthing wrong with having 6 year-olds crying about abortion. Hey... you heard 'em...they're bringin' Jesus back.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Tips on How To Waste Company Time

So, today is like the most BORING of all news days - either that or I'm busy doing other shit... like making paper celebrity dolls. Good use of company time, if you ask me.
I came up with some funny shit, but I can't get the freaking pictures to load... so I'm showing you the one's I found on Mollygood.

Saved by the Smell

I'm not joking. That's actually the working title for Dustin Diamond's (aka Screech) sex tape. We've discussed his financial troubles in the past, and also his gigantic dong. I guess he found a way to leverage one for the other.

And there's apparently a Dirty Sanchez involved. Ew.



I love love love the Neverending Story and robot chicken is what some of us in the ENTERTAIMENT world would refer to as, "hot."

This should get things off to a good start today. En-muthafuckin-joy.

Birthday ALARM

Rapper Lil' Wayne is 24.

Actor Wilford Brimley is 72.
Actress Liz Torres is 59.
Singer Meat Loaf is 55.
Singer-actor-director Shaun Cassidy is 48.
Actor Patrick Muldoon (Melrose Place ) is 38.
Singer Mark Calderon of Color Me Badd is 36.
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is 34.
Singer Brad Arnold of 3 Doors Down is 28.
Singer Avril Lavigne is 22.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

FASHION FIX: Raver Spice

Introducing the new Spice Girl -- Vintage 1997 Retro Butch Raver Spice. Not-So-Posh Spice looks like she's on her way to 1997 for a rave. She forgot to accessorize...all this outfit is missing is a glowstick, some beads, something shiny, sparkley and/or bright...and maybe a whistle.
Seriously though, she might be able to rock these pants with some hot heels and a different shirt. You know they're totally a size 0 and she's just so skinny they look HUUUGE.

FASHION FIX: Fashion's No 1 stylist, or just a great big zero?

Here's a lil article about "celebrity stylist" Rachel Zoe. It's quite long but I thought it was a fun read for all you little fashionistas:

Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe swept into London last week to find a city poised to loathe every inch of her infamous size 0 frame. The great weight debate had rumbled through fashion week and was reaching a climax just as Zoe — an American fashionista the Los Angeles Times once claimed was “single-handedly bringing anorexia back” — hit town. It couldn’t have been more awkward if Glenn Hoddle had turned up at the Paralympics. Zoe — her name rhymes with faux — put a brave face on things. “I love London so much,” she simpered to guests at designer Julien Macdonald’s pre-show bash at the Sanderson hotel on Wednesday. “I’d move here if it weren’t for the weather. I’m the palest I’ve been in ages.” Being pale simply doesn’t cut it with the former fashion journalist. Neither do baggy jeans, trainers, small sunglasses or, God forbid, body fat. Zoe, 34 (unkind fashion types insist she looks 10 years older) is a stylist and for the past 18 months the look she has devised for her long list of celebrity clients — pin thin, orange tan, tousled mane; think Brigitte Bardot on crack — has come to define modern beauty. For those not up to speed, being a stylist means Zoe helps famous people (mostly young actresses such as Cameron Diaz and Kate Beckinsale) choose what to wear to red carpet events, photo shoots or sometimes just to their local Starbucks. She charges $6,000 a day for this privilege (with that kind of money, she should be able to fix her face). No wonder the closets of her Beverly Hills home boast more than 400 coats and “literally countless” pairs of shoes. Though not a designer, photographer or magazine editor, Zoe has become one of the most powerful women in fashion. The ensembles she chooses for “my girls” fill the pages of magazines such as OK! or Heat and add millions to the profits of her designer friends, who adore her. But her most devoted clients, such as Nicole Richie, Keira Knightley and wild child actress Lindsay Lohan, are decidedly scrawny and all battle speculation about their weight. Known as the Zoe-bots, they have matching toothpick arms and sunken faces barely able to support the fashionably enormous sunglasses their svengali encourages them to wear. To her detractors Zoe — who weighs no more than a kitten herself — has therefore replaced Kate Moss as the number one culprit for society’s collective eating disorder. Some say she is the architect of size 0 mania — a fad for super skinniness that is spreading from Zoe’s home town of LA around the world. After a model died from heart failure brought on by fasting at a fashion show in Madrid two weeks ago, the Spanish capital banned size 0 (equivalent to a British size 4) models from catwalks. Last week there was much debate over whether Britain should follow suit, with designers Sir Paul Smith and Allegra Hicks calling for the industry to stop using girls with a body mass index below 18 (officially unhealthy). And Zoe’s view? “There’s a small grey area between being too skinny and being a thin person,” she has said. Though she also thinks “an eating disorder is a very sad thing — it kills people. I would never in a million years tell a client they had to lose weight. There’s a size for everybody”, adding in her defence, “People don’t realise that I’ve worked with people who are size 8 and 10.” Huge, fat, disgusting size 8-10 COWS.

Though many will agree that there is indeed a “size for everybody” some find it mystifying that a “stylist” has become so famous in the first place. But Zoe is part of a new guard of celebrity valets starting to become as well known as their charges. Phillip Bloch (who chooses Halle Berry’s Oscar gowns) and Patricia Field (who styled the girls on Sex and the City) are household names in America, and Mick Jagger’s girlfriend L’Wren Scott (Nicole Kidman’s stylist) has become a celeb in her own right. In a business where nothing sells like celebrity, Hollywood stylists are the new emperors of fashion. “Stylists are now critical to the fashion market and Rachel is incredibly important in the industry,” said Amy Astley, editor of Teen Vogue. “She has kick-started many of the trends you see today. She, and others like her, have opened up the fashion industry so it’s not just for insiders. Now everyone knows about labels because they read about their celebrities wearing them.”

Born Rachel Zoe Rosenzweig in New York, she was raised in a wealthy New Jersey suburb by art collector parents. Though the house was filled with Frank Stellas and Barbara Krugers, Zoe was only interested in her mother’s closet. “It was like a candy store,” she has said of the racks of vintage Dior and Balmain. At 13 her mother took her to Paris. “I had saved every dime and dollar, and I walked right into Louis Vuitton and bought a bag.” It now lives with hundreds of others in a “foyer” in her walk-in wardrobe. Later she studied sociology and psychology at George Washington University where she met her husband, Roger Berman, an investment banker. They don’t have children, just a California mansion decorated in Missoni prints, Christmas holidays in St Barts and summers in St Tropez. Zoe says Roger “keeps her sane”, but he refuses to speak to her during Oscar season. After college she moved to New York to worked at YM and Gotham magazines, before breaking into celebrity styling. Her first clients were pop singers such as Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys — famous, but terminally unchic. Then she moved to LA and dropped the Rosenzweig on the advice of an agent. In early 2004 Zoe got a job working for Nicole Richie, daughter of the soul singer Lionel, and Paris Hilton’s sidekick on the reality TV show The Simple Life. “Nicole showed up to meet me in an airport wearing a sweatsuit,” she once recalled, “with a leopard-print neck pillow tied around her neck and an ‘I Love LA’ cap and her hair in pig tails. I think she was doing it to torture me.”

Richie, according to mean-spirited gossip mags, was in a “chunky” phase. Not for long. As her clothes became more stylish (Zoe described her as “my little Barbie doll”) her body began to shrink. She took to wearing a red bracelet which people assumed signalled she was part of a group called the “friends of Ana”, and therefore anorexic. Richie said she wore it for religious reasons, but it still drew attention to her freakishly thin wrists. “The smallest on any human being over the age of 12,” Zoe has said. Zoe’s other clients were beginning to disappear too. Jessica Simpson, the pop singer, and Mischa Barton, star of television hit The OC, looked merely willowy in Zoe’s trademark skinny jeans and floaty, disco-inspired cocktail dresses — but shockingly thin in their bikinis. “That girl Rachel Zoe definitely has something to do with (the skinny trend),” said one gossip mag journalist. “I’ve seen her eat — and she doesn’t. It’s the classic ‘living for clothes, dying for fashion’.” Another stylist claimed: “I’ve worked with Rachel all day on a shoot, and basically, she drank a giant latte and smoked a bunch of cigarettes.” Zoe finds such criticism grating. “I don’t think it’s fair to say that I’m responsible because I’m a thin person, that because I’m influencing their style I’m influencing what they eat. There was this crazy rumour that I was getting diet pills from Mexico and distributing them. I was like, ‘Okay, I’ve never even tried cocaine. I don’t do drugs — I’m too much of a control freak’.” Nevertheless, a picture of 19-year-old Lohan seemed to show most of her ribs were visible on her back. And yet perhaps we should have been worried for her wallet as much her waistline. Lohan took Zoe with her to Europe to promote her film Herbie: Fully Loaded in 2005. For the two-week trip they brought 10 trunks of clothes, with Lohan changing outfits three or more times a day. No surprise then to learn that, according to the American magazine Life & Style Weekly, the actress spent more than $1m on clothes and accessories last year. “Her closets are overflowing with things like $8,000 Prada dresses and $2,000 Balenciaga bags,” Zoe confessed. “She has so many clothes she never even wears some of them.” Though Women’s Wear Daily recently called the Zoe look “tired”, she came to London to style Macdonald’s catwalk show. The worry is that, by working with one of Britain’s leading designers, Zoe will bring her scary-thin LA aesthetic to bear on the Brits. “Oh no, we’re much too sensible for that,” says a celebrity photographer, “and Rachel is actually very down to earth, especially for the fashion industry. Yes she’s thin, but she’s not telling anyone else to be.” A nice theory, but next May Warner Books will publish Style: A to Zoe, in which the stylist and her famous friends such as Tom Ford and Naomi Campbell will offer tips on how to look fabulous — ie, impossibly thin. Then Zoe has said she wants to start her own fashion label. The well-covered women of Britain might prefer she do so in California. [source]

Breaking News: Baby Daddy

Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's lawyer, is the father of Anna Nicole's baby girl!!!!! Apparently they've been in a secret relationship for some time. Howard K. Stern just revealed this information on Larry King Live about two minutes ago so you heard it here first - unless, of course, you're watching the show too. The baby's name is Dani (or Danny)-Lynn Hope. Her son, Daniel, did not know Howard was the father before he passed away. Howard claims he and Anna will marry at some point but right now they're trying to get through the loss of her son.

Donna Martin Procreates!!!

Either Tori Spelling got some post-marriage junk in her trunk and is wearing a veeeeeeery unflattering outfit or she's knocked up. At least someone will be getting some of Aaron's $$$ (his grandkids automatically get millions...Tori is the only one who's worth nothing in Spelling dollars). Out of curiosity, can they do neonatal nose jobs yet? I haven't seen one yet on Dr. 90210 but I'm sure Dr. Rey would give it a shot for the right price.

Feck You, BETCH


"Um, this style runs smaaaall... I don't think you're gonna feeeht... I mean you feet are kinda beehg!"

You should all bow at Kelly's feet. She is fuckin' rad. You can totally myspace her too, and make sure to listen to Let Me Borrow That Top.

Do it. Don't be a betch.

Because I Can, BETCH

Photos from a the new Bon magazine photoshoot.
No news here - just sit back and enjoy the landscape. nice. very, very nice.

thanks diggita dara.

Birthday ALARM

Singer Olivia Newton-John is 58.

Fitness (s)expert Jack LaLanne is 92.
Actor Philip Bosco is 76.
The Weakest Link lesbian host Anne Robinson is 62.
Actress Linda Hamilton is 50.
Singer Tracy Thorn of Everything But The Girl is 44.
Actor Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ ) is 38.
Singer Shawn Stockman of Boyz II Men is 34.
Singer Christina Milian is 25.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Celebrity Clone: Incest Edition

I feel like if the post-plastic surgery Simpson sisters got together with the Olsen twins and somehow through the marvels of modern biology they had a hermaphroditic, incestuous love child it would look like this in about 40 years:

YOUR 15 MINUTES: The Muslims Are Not Fond of The Jihad

A car commercial proclaiming a jihad on the U.S. auto market and offering "Fatwa Fridays" with free swords for the kids is offensive and should not be aired, Muslim leaders said on Sunday. The radio advertisement for the Dennis Mitsubishi car dealership in Columbus, Ohio, has "a whole jihad theme," said Adnan Mirza, director of the Columbus office of the Council on American-Islamic Relations. "They are planning on launching a jihad on the automotive market and their representatives would be wearing burqas ... ," Mirza said. "They mentioned the pope in there and also about giving rubber swords out to the kiddies -- really just reprehensible-type comments." Details of the radio ad, which has not yet been broadcast, have been reported in the local media, but officials at the dealership declined to comment about the content of the radio spot.

Two employees at the dealership said they had been deluged with calls about the commercial. "The ad has has never been released, it is not out for public listening," said one employee who declined to give his name. Mirza said several local radio stations had already rejected the ad and he hoped the controversy would convince the dealership to rethink its sales strategy. "We've made it clear to this dealer that this campaign runs contrary to our company values and we strongly urged him not to run the campaign," Mitsubishi Motors North America said in a company statement released Monday afternoon. "The dealer has agreed not to run it." Mirza said the Council on American-Islamic Relations would likely contact the dealer to "offer some kind of cultural or sensitivity awareness training." [source]

Cultural sensitivity training is bullshit...I think maybe we should just ship Dennis Mitsubishi and their burqua-wearing representatives over to the middle east with a few mitsubishis and their rubber swords and put them to work. In the meantime I'm going to do some market research to find out why black people aren't offended by the ghetto ass car commercials that air in the DC metro area:

Colonel Sanders Said It Best

Wait, so is this movie about the plight of the black man in a post-segregationist, but still racist white hegemony?

get down on your knees. thanks little markeeereesh.

Do You Hate Ann Coulter?

Chances are you're going to answer that question with a "yes." Well now you can pre-order the new book "I Hate Ann Coulter" on Amazon. Apparently some Ann-haters are sick of hearing Ann spew her uber-right wing, psychotic outlooks and are answering back with the anonymously authored book "I Hate Ann Coulter." The authors are remaining unanimously anonymous because none of them want their “real names in the hands of gun-toting, abortion clinic-bombing, self-proclaimed 'wing nuts,' who follow Coulter.” …not to mention the fact that Ann could kill them with just the vibrations of her giant Adam’s apple. I think having an anonymous book published about someone hating you is pretty much the rock-bottom equivalent of waking up in a gutter in Thailand, smelling of booze and roofies, no memories of the night before, dressed in an American flag with some gauze wrapped around your genital area and a li'l miss trannysurprise waiting to be discovered. Unfortunately for Ann, it seems as if she’salready experienced both in this lifetime.

Guess Who's Back...Back Again

Yes, that's Audrey Hepburn dancing across your TV screen in the latest Gap ad. The actress, whose Funny Face character stylishly grooves to AC/DC's Back in Black, is not only the retailer's marketing focus but also its muse. We wanted to do something really special to re-launch our skinny black pants and thought, who better to showcase them?" says Trey Laird, creative director of Gap. More like “what’s cheaper and easier than using a famous actress who’s been dead for 13 years to promote our pants.” You don't have to worry about "diva" when they're dead. Please please please whatever you do just don’t wear these pants with a black turtleneck, socks and loafers, k? Michael Jackson tried it and look how far it got him. The actress' son Sean Ferrer, chairman of the Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund, approved the campaign as "a perfect representation of her." "Sure, she was the little black dress," he says, "but she also was the black cigarette pant." Audrey isn't just dancing these days:

  • The iconic black Givenchy dress that Hepburn wore in 1961's Breakfast at Tiffany's goes on display at Christie's in New York City Oct. 6-13. The auction house will sell the dress Dec. 5 in London, and proceeds will go to City of Joy Aid, which raises money for India's poor. Pre-auction estimate: $94,000-$132,000.
  • New this month: The biography Enchantment: The Life of Audrey Hepburn (Harmony, $25.95) by Donald Spoto.
  • Nicole Richie channels Hepburn in father Lionel's video for I Call It Love, re-enacting the opening scene and other memorable moments from Breakfast at Tiffany's. …are you sure she’s not channeling Audrey during the time the Nazis confiscated the Dutch people's food supply for themselves causing Audrey to suffer from malnutrition before UNICEF could save her? …because if I was Lionel, I’d be calling in UNICEF about now.
  • Breakfast at Tiffany's was recently voted the film that has had the most influence on fashion by designers and style editors in a list compiled by American Express Red (how do I get this Red American Express. I had the blue, then the white one…I guess if I got the red my credit would be quite patriotic) Participating designers included Vivienne Westwood and Marc Jacobs. Another Hepburn film, My Fair Lady, came in sixth.
  • The image of Hepburn as Holly Golightly is finding a home in people's homes: Pjatteryd negative print on canvas can be found for $79.99 at; the Audrey wall clock is $49.95 at
  • Paramount released the 45th anniversary edition DVD of Breakfast at Tiffany's (Paramount, $20) this year. Audiophiles can tune into to Music From the Films of Audrey Hepburn CD, $17.98 at [source]

Birthday ALARM

Rapper T.I. is 26.

Singer Ian Tyson of Ian and Sylvia is 73.
Actor Michael Douglas is 62.
Model Cheryl Tiegs is 59.
Actor Anson Williams (Happy Days ) is 57.
Actor Mark Hamill is 55.
Actress Heather Locklear is 45.
Actress Aida Turturro (The Sopranos ) is 44.
Actor Tate Donovan (The O.C. ) is 43.
Actor-singer Will Smith is 38.
Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones is 37.
Actress Bridgette Wilson (I Know What You Did Last Summer ) is 33.
Actor Lee Norris (One Tree Hill ) is 25.
Singer Diana Ortiz of Dream is 21.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Celebrity Clone: New Girlfriend/Old Girlfriend

Chris Klein and Katie Holmes were together for the 5 years that preceded her superquick engagement to Tom Cruise. Since then, Katie’s gone to Kate, overcome one hell of a cold sore, popped out a kid and turned Scientology on our ass. What’s a guy to do? Well instead of bad-mouthing her in the press, he went for the other option: find a replacement. Chris has found an almost-exact replica in actress Ginnifer Goodwin. The new couple is reportedly getting PRETTY serious although I wouldn't hold my breath for couch jumping anytime soon!

Need A Reason To Look Forward to 2007?

At first my boyfriend thought I was looking at gay porn again but I wasn' was just pictures of French rugby players posing for the new 2007 Dieux Du Stade calendar. Mass-market appeal? I think they've covered the girls and the gays but I don't expect too many straight male rugby fans to be countin' the days away with this calendar. Full frontals? Please!

Birthday ALARM

I was excited to do the "Birthday ALARM" until I realized that basically every famous person who was born today is already dead...except for Nia Vardalos....and her career is basically dead so she's at least halfway there at 44.

Other notables include: Linda McCartney, Phil Hartman, Jim Henson, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Quote It

Perez Hilton's consistently absent fashion sense, puffy-pink cheeks and brassy hair have me too nauseous to do another Fashion Fix. Here's your chance to write what YOU want about Perez Hilton and his latest fashion monstrosity:

Birthday ALARM

Erik Estrada, from the boy-band O-Town, not the Puerto Rican from CHiPs, turns 27 today.
Jason Alexander, the guy from Seinfeld, not Britney's 55 hour ex-husband, turns 47 today. He should invest in a hair transplant because I thought it was at least 10 years older.
Bruce Springsteen was born in the USA 57 years ago today.
Enrique Iglesias' dad, Julio, turns 63 today.
Ray Charles is dead. He would've been 76 today.
Mickey Rooney is still alive. He's 86 today.

Friday, September 22, 2006

One Badass-Babe Blind Vice

Traceless Turncoat is either getting sloppy or impressively gutsy, maybe a bit of both--as is often the case with very popular career gals 'n' guys. T2, 'course, helps host a fairly popular TV offering. She has other correspondents who help her with her bubbly duties, but there's one talking head in particular who helps T.T. share and hone her hosting requirements in front of the camera.

Let's say this quasi-attractive head is, oh, Dorky Dingleberry--name's not really important. The vital thing to understand here is how much Trace-babe despises D.D. See, Traceless abhors the PR D. receives (on a not so regular basis, so you really can see how outta control Ms. T. happens to be), and she feels the producers of her little boob-tube offering pay way too much time to the D.D.-ster.

So, remember when I told you in our last Turncoat installment about how the TelePrompTer princess was peddling items on her myriad guests to gossip columns? Sometimes for cash?
Well, now Traceless is really upping the ante: She's including tacky little tidbits about her almost homely nemesis/colleague in the wares she offers. Damn, bitch, you somethin'! It's not...(ted's ruled out all these people so far...maybe more)..

My guess: What I DO know is Trace is young and pretty. I don't think Kelly Ripa has been ruled out but she doesn't totally fit the bill. What do you think?

And They Said It Would Never Last..

After just a few months, some marriage rumors, a few cooter slips, some extra large condoms, a lost and found Hermes bag full of $1 million in jewelry, an almost-firing, couples tatoos, a public spat with mom and a broken arm, Harry Morton has kicked Lindsay Lohans trashed ass to the curb.

"Harry broke up with Lindsay yesterday at Chateau Marmont after they had dinner on the courtyard patio," a source tells PEOPLE. "Nothing happened at dinner, but shortly afterward, he broke up with her." Why the split? "She was too much drama," says the source. "Lindsay did cut down on the partying, but with her it's all relative. Harry is sober. It wasn't the partying that broke them up. She's young and a little bit immature. Harry's more low-key and not into the same stuff she's into." Yeah, like he's into stability and she's not. However, a source close to Lohan says, "No one 'dumped' anyone. You don't dump people when you're 20 and 25. You have a mature relationship, and you take a break and you see what happens. Everyone does that." In other words, her ass was DUMPED!

Lohan's rep could not immediately be reached for comment. A rep for Morton said, "I do not comment on his personal life." Indeed, Lohan, 20, was spotted at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont on Thursday, running onto the patio where four of her friends were sitting – and weeping, a wad of tissues on one hand, her cell phone in the other. "She ran in, sat with her group, put down her cell phone and cried to her pals," an observer tells PEOPLE. "The group looked very concerned and listened intently to what she was saying." After the Chateau, Lohan went to Hyde Lounge, where she arrived around 12:30 a.m. and stayed until the hot spot closed at 2 a.m. She mingled with friends and didn't appear to be distraught: "She was having a blast," says one patron, "even with a broken hand."

Jacko Barbie

I feel like if Michael Jackson liked women, this would be his dream woman. Except he likes kids ...and this is his sister, LaToya. (more like LaToy-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH)

This picture is supposedly for her new Australian Malt Liquor ad campaign. Based on the bad wig, the cheap lingerie, the fake stallion and the state of La Toya Jackson's face, I’m going to jump to conclusions here and say this stuff can be only be found Down Under and comes in two flavors: Old Spice Champagne Fizz and Musty Musk Cooler. [source]

You Drive Me Crazy

TMZ captured this video of Lindsay Lohan doing a solo dance in a parking lot outside at The Lot. They seem to think it's "bizarre" behavior. Personally, I think this behavior makes perfect sense for a girl who has a semi-crazy, former Rockette mother and a jailed, former coke-addict father.