One Wigged-Out Blind Vice

Snort a million lines of Bolivian marching powder. Have threesomes and group sex, so much so that the Oriental rugs need to be thrown off the balcony 'cause they'd never get clean. Hey, I ain't judging.

But here's where I draw the moral line: the hair.

Because without good hair, whether it's dyed or natural, curly or ironed, where the hell would we be?Panicking like crazy alongside Musty Mayhem, it would seem. It's like this: The skinny ninny is not eating. And given her predilection for preposterously skanky clothes, that's no shocker. M2 doesn't look like she sucks on much sustenance, anyhow. I mean, she's been teensy for a long-ass time--even back when Lindsay Lohan was originally voluptuous. Can you remember that? Barely, I know.

And now things have gotten bad. "She has alopecia," whispers an M.M. associate. "Her hair is falling out, and she is devastated." Now, kittens, it's a horrible thing, scalp disease. But we all know that anorexia makes the follicles angry. And Musty knows it, too. Still, she won't eat! She will not fork anything into that prissy mouth of hers.Indeed, I very much hope she does. This babe is such a fashionista, and we all know what the worst accessory in the world is...

Dead head!

Okay, this Blind's gonna give me nightmares, so I'll stop now.

and it's not:

I would've guessed Nicole Richie because her hair really looks like it's thinning. Since he ruled her out, here are my top choices:

Paris Hiton because she's a fashionista who dresses skanky.

Lara Flynn Boyle because she's old (musty) and has been too skinny for YEARS.

Kate Moss because she started the whole anorexia thing and he references snorting lines and having threesomes (which also might be applicable to Paris -- or Lara in her younger years).

[Blind Vice]