Paris NOT In Line for Supreme Court Nomination

This is when we wipe the sweat off our forehead and let out a big sigh of relief that while Paris Hilton has somewhat conquered parties, porn, tabloids, television, movies, car crashes, boyfriends, modeling, perfume, hiring a ghost writer to pen a book or two and showing the world her lady parts on a weekly basis, she will not be taking over the American justice system anytime soon.

In the $10 million defamation lawsuit filed against Paris by Zeta Graff, Paris has shown us why staying in school is such a fabulous idea. I present Exhibit A and Exhibit B to the jury. In this episode of the trial, Paris said these lovely tidbits about Zeta:

• she's as old as Paris' mom;
• she should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people;
• And while testifying in a defamation lawsuit what else did Paris say? Just that Zeta is not cute at all.

Kathy Hilton has now been subpoenaed to declare her real age in public, since Paris made false claims that Zeta was 'old' and her 'mother's age.' Zeta is 37 while Ms. Kathy is supposedly 46. See Paris, I'd be ok with all of this if:

1. you were never ever going to age, giving you the right to talk about old people
2. there was some sort of federal law in place banning mothers from ever entering the premises of a nightclub
3. you looked at yourself in the mirror and realized you have a hook nose and a lazy eye...which is not cute; and
4. if your mom didn't go out to clubs all the time. To prove my point I dug photos out of my recent archive showing your mom at a club looking like this:

and this...

and this...

So not only do I rule in favor of Gaff for $10 million but I fine Kathy Hilton an extra $2 million for showing us those two old lady nips!

I hope that in her next brainless move, Paris turns on her mother for being old and wearing a see through lace tank top leading her mom to sue Paris for everything she's got. Then the only place we'd see Paris' face is on a crusty, cardboard VHS cover in some dirty, redneck porn store where she belongs. ...and since I don't hang out in dirty, redneck porn stores I would never have to see Paris again.

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