Sunday, March 19, 2006

One Rattling Blind Vice

Oh, Hussy Purr, every day I come a wee bit closer to understanding why you change moods more often than hairstyles. Sometimes, a story unfolds slowly. What we know is Hussy and her onetime perma-man-candy, Drinkel Manslut, may be no longer. And zillions of theories abound, citing everything from HP's unconventional love life to Drink's roving eyes, hands, etc.

Alas, while I'm sure neither Hussy nor Drinkel deserves to be canonized anytime soon, I've learned from excellent sources that it was her misbehavior that put them into "get away from me once and for all" land. And to top it off, I'm told Hussy put her man into a hissy overdrive with an announcement that's straight out of Jerry Springer: I'm pregnant. And you ain't the daddy.

I'm sure she put it more gently, of course, but whatev. Not that Hussy ever seemed much of a conniver, mind you. Were she not so famous, none of this scandalicious horror would seem so shocking. But Hussy is. And so is the father. So, don't expect to see any pics of her preggers in the tabs anytime soon. 'Cause you won't. Any guesses why?

And It Ain't: Kermit and Miss Piggy; Nicole Richie and DJ AM; Jude Law and Sienna Miller

My guess: Jess and Nick, of course. Nick was a onetime perma-man – they WERE married, you know. Their divorce story is unfolding ever-so-slowly. You know that Miss Piggy reference totally has something to do with Miss Piggy being the co-star of Jess’ super cheesy, Pizza Hut cheesy bites endorsement.

I’ll always have Paris as my fallback Blind Vice guess. Even if it's not her, she's so messed up and scandalous that Paris and her man of the week still fit the bill for almost all of these.

This computer has some major PMS so it keeps shutting down each time I try to upload pics. I'm in the middle of bumfuck PA and Eckerd closes at 5pm so I can't pick up any Mac Midol. I'll post pics when I return to civilization.

P.S. Ted had a picture of George Clooney on the first page of his column with the following "Who is Crisp Lisp? I ain't gonna tell. But we will discuss Teri's panty lines and George C.'s ego. Sexy, I know. It all makes me want to give y'all another Blind Vice to mull over." GC was our first guess for Crisp Lisp. Oh Ted, you're so sly.


dino said...

Mac Midol. u kill me xine. listen, i agree... i think it's nick and jess. i can picture her being all, "i'm preggars and it ain't urs" type shit. she's a little WT, u know?

Julia said...

Haha. I agree with Dino. It's Chestica. She been lookin' thick recently.

Julia said...

Oh, and I bet it's Joe Simpson's baby.

Anonymous said...

It's Johnny Knoxville's baby