All Nose and Hose

The other day Julia told you about Dustin Diamond aka Screech from Saved by the Bell and his 10 inch flaccid penis with the visual aid of a man holding a giant, fake pickle. Well what wasn't mentioned in the post is that in typical child star fashion, Dustin Diamond has fallen on some hard times in his adult years. Apparently the stand-up act isn’t bringing in the bucks and although Saved by the Bell is still on every morning, those funds have dried up as well. Screech has bad credit and is about to loose his house in Wisconsin! So, what does someone do when they’re about to lose their house? Go on Howard Stern, talk about their 10 inch flaccid penis and sell t-shirts online! I’m definitely promoting this. He needs to come up with $250,000 STAT and for $15 you can make a contribution and get a shirt with a picture of him on the front and “I paid $15 to save Screech’s House” on the back. For just five dollars more, he’ll autograph the shirt. You can buy a shirt here…if anything, it’s a great novelty purchase. While I think all of this is adorable, Dustin is overlooking another lucrative market – porn. When you combine a 10 inch flaccid ding dong, a child star has-been and porn, it’ll sell. ..providing the 10 inches-soft story is true and not a plot to sell t-shirts. You know, since penis size and t-shirt sales are inextricably linked. Now I know some of you are probably screaming at your computers to remind me that Screech was the geek and nobody wants to see geeks in porn. Let me remind you all that Ron Jeremy is a porn star and if Ron Jeremy can be a porn star, Dustin Diamond can be a porn star. I can guarantee once his thing is up and ready to go, you won’t even see the geek behind it. It would be even better if we could get Tiffani-Amber Thiessen to be the female star. Oh, and we could get Tiffani and Jessie Spano to do a lesbian scene. I don’t think Elizabeth Berkley has been up to much since Showgirls. I bet she could use some money. [thanks Colleen!]