Why Can't I Get Just One Kiss?

Dear Vanessa Minnillo,

Sweetheart, now I know it may be hard for you to keep your hands off your new BF Nick Lachey, but you look like a retard. If you want him to retain his athletic physique, then he's going to need to finish his protein-heavy lunch. And, I know, I know... you want your own protein-heavy lunch (cough), but you lovingly/annoyingly scratched his chin for nearly an entire 30 seconds. You both could chew and swallow your protein in that amount of time.

Vanessa, now I know you and Nick have been together for a while now. I done already seen the Making The Video for Nick's first single that never got any airtime cause it sucked. You two are super cute together, but when this video makes its way around the internet globe, you're going to be the laughing stock of MTV. Even the girls who watch TRL don't cling to their boyfriends like you do.

I really do like you. I just don't want everyone to make fun of you behind your back, even though I just did.

With tons of love and mild disgust,
Dino

click here to see Vanessa pining for a kiss. Bitch, you ain't gettin' none.

Oh, P.S. Don't think we're dumb either. We all know you two sat at a window seat on purpose. I also noticed you both looking outside to see what kind of reaction you were getting from passersby. GET A LIFE. START A BLOG, or something.