One Porn-Addicted Blind Vice

There's an A-list star. Said luminary is addicted to smut. Oh, aren't we all? Well, yes and no. I mean, I like the nekkid boys 'n' girls on the Internet as much as the next voyeur (man, did I have to turn the volume down on that last Colin Farrell skin flick I clicked into, boy sure knows how to make 'em scream!), but let's face it: The real McCoy copulation beats the kind you watch any day of the horny week. Right?

Wrong, says Mona Streamline, who, like, lives to watch X-rated raunch on her fancy-schmancy computers, wherever she happens to be traveling. And since M.S. is majorly in demand, movies-wise, as of late, that be a whole lotta looky-loo lovin' the girl's been up to recently! Now, like a lotta addicts--me, I'm recovering from the booze, dope and ciggies, one day at a time--things weren't always like this for Ms. S., who's married to a fine guy. In fact, the couple both looked at sex stuff on the VCR long before the Internet made such naughty activities so commonplace.

But then M.S. found herself in myriad trailers and hotel rooms round the world, so she began packing those little VHS cassettes for her own use. Makes sense, I 'spose. Just not to the extent where Ms. S. eventually found that she preferred the prerecorded thang (certainly once the online opportunity blew up right smack into her slightly surgeried face), as opposed to the genuine salami Mona swapped vows with all those years ago. Now, the old hitched couple is in counseling to see if there's anything that can possibly be done to return Streamline to her original, real-life lovemaking ways. So sad. Hey, isn't this usually a dude prob, though? Rad, man!

It's not:
Kate Beckinsale?