Hilton: Synonymous With Cheap

The Hiltons never let me down. They showed up to this past weekend's Halloween festivities lacking originality and wearing their Sunday best. Their two-dollar cop-and-maid-hooker costumes were obviously sewn in a sweatshop specializing in twenty cent, sub-quality costumes. For heiresses, you'd think they could afford something a less polyester. In the theme of "same old-same old," PageSix reports the Hilton sisters showed up to a Playboy party and acted like drunk whores:

Paris did her usual routine, dancing on a table and lip-syncing as her single, "Stars Are Blind," played. "The reaction is now always the same - her posse of sycophants surrounds her, cheering her, as most people groan," said our witness. "This is really getting old." Nicky provided her own show on the dance floor, "being bent over backwards against the stage by a height-challenged young man as she wrapped a leg around his hip and they played tonsil hockey. She later spent an hour crawling under the tables (apparently) looking for a lost purse. When upright, she was stumbling all over . . . as she was fondled everywhere but the bottoms of her feet by the little 'dance' partner . . . She is handling her breakup with Kevin Connelly in a very mature and sophisticated manner - not!"

Nicky loves the midgets! In related Halloween news, their buddy Brandon Davis is apparently still stuck on that "firecrotch" incident: I want to say that it would've been funnier if he attached that wig to his crotch. But it wouldn't have. Unless of course I was drunk. Then it would probably be mildly amusing for like .3 seconds. He looks surprisingly dry and clean in this photo. Can someone please slip them some hits of creativity?