These Are The Days of Anna Nicole's Life

Yesterday I went home for lunch and watched the top 10 Most Shocking Maury DNA tests. Anna Nicole deserves an honorable mention now that she has two guys fighting over the title of “baby daddy.” This story has more twists than a Law and Order: SVU marathon weekend on TBS. There's a new bombshell in the battle for Anna Nicole Smith’s newborn baby: Photojournalist Larry Birtkhead has hired celebrity attorney Debra Opri, who filed court papers on his behalf in L.A. Superior Court on Monday to establish paternity and custody of the child.

Court papers reportedly claim that Anna Nicole was hospitalized to detox from a drug addiction. Sources tell ET that Anna Nicole has allegedly been addicted to methadone -- the same drug that was found in her son Daniel's system when he died -- for nearly three years. Danny must’ve been hitting up mommas stash… That's just one of the jaw-dropping claims being made today.

Birkhead also reportedly claims in the court papers that this pregnancy was not the first time Anna Nicole was pregnant with his child. Sources say the former lovers got pregnant, but that she miscarried in February of 2005. In court papers, Birkhead reportedly says his former girlfriend fled to the Bahamas after he suggested the baby be tested for drugs. "There's absolutely no way that [Anna's attorney] Howard K. Stern is the father of this child," he said. "He knows it, I know it, and that's all there is to it." Birkhead wants not only legal custody, but also physical custody of the baby he claims is his.He also reportedly claims in the court papers that "Anna Nicole previously tried to get another man to claim the baby was his," but that that plan fell through because that mystery man had already had a vasectomy.

The documents filed request that the court orders Anna Nicole to "to submit to paternity testing immediately, the child returned to the State of California and that drug testing be conducted on mother and child." According to Opri, Birkhead is filing the documents because "he believes beyond any doubt that he is the father and seeks a presence in this child's life." "I went to ultrasounds," Birkhead told ET in an exclusive interview last week. "What's so funny is she stamped her handprint as the mom in the baby book, and I stamped it as the dad. And Howard was standing in the room, too. It was kind of uncomfortable, and she said, 'Howard, come here, stamp your hand,' and she wrote, 'Uncle Howard.' So why would Uncle Howard be Daddy Howard?"

That’s a good question, Larry. Why would “Uncle Howard” be “Daddy Howard?” …and since we’re asking questions, why would a strung-out looking Howard go on Larry King Live and claim to be the father if he wasn’t? I have a sneaking suspicion the answer to this mystery lies in the methadone.

In related news:

Anna Nicole and Howard were united last Thursday in a commitment ceremony in the Bahamas "to be each other's strength during this difficult time," according to a TRIMSPA publicist. I Although the ceremony was reportedly officiated, it was not a wedding and no marriage certificate was issued, according to the release. The date of the union was chosen to be that day because Anna Nicole reportedly said she wanted to honor the date that her late son, Daniel, chose. The ceremony took place during "a clandestine sail to recapture simple pleasures -- fresh salt air on the face, a sunrise on the ocean, and wind in their hair," but was ultimately interrupted by mid-morning when "helicopters flew overhead, speed boats approached, and camera-equipped scuba divers invaded what had been an otherwise perfect moment of peace, solitude, and hope," according to the statement.

I always thought there was something sweet and desperate about Howard. The un-scandalous part of me is happy for them and wants them to live happily ever after! The rest of me thinks it's never going to happen. [source]