Friday, April 13, 2007

One Missed Missy Blind Vice

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when (repeatedly) we homos deceive. Guess what? I’ve got a same-sex Blind Vice comin’ atcha in...seconds! Such the surprise from moi, I know. There’s a very, very famous fruit in town. But, oh bro, is he evuh talented at making his myriad fans think he prefers the femmes. This Vice ain’t ‘bout the boy, though, it’s about the poor woman this guy utilized for his nefarious, i.e., press-release, purposes.

Virginal Vamp is a doll—and I mean that in the least plastic way possible. V2’s the best at conjuring up sexy little do-me thoughts while wearing the cutest little proper lacy things in her flicks, which, for the most part, are always on the classy side. She’s the het man’s dream fantasy: somebody he can take home to mama but boff in the broom closet while the hors d’oeuvres are being fetched. Therefore, it was hardly a surprise when folks working for an infamous fruit who has often appeared in this very missive rang up V.V. for the most exciting role of her lifetime: to play said fagola’s real-life girlfriend! Done deal if she wanted, V. was told. Just call us back to seal the whispered doings, she was told eagerly. Virginal was so excited, she actually thought about it for...22 seconds.

But, alas, Miz Vee was leaning against it and, just as she was about to ring back and probably decline to those who had parlayed the pooftah plan, word spread in electronic and old-fashioned scandal sheets alike. Seems another actress besides Virginal had decided to take the job (for her own desultory reasons). Count your blessings, Virg! ‘Cause the only thing worse than going out with a guy who does ya and then ignores ya is going out with a guy who doesn’t do ya and ignores ya!

It aint: Here's something interesting to chew on - when I checked the blind vice last night, it said It ain't: Jennifer Garner, Jessice Biel and Scarlett Johansson. This morning, it's clearly Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. I believe this BV is about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. My first guess was Scarlett Johansson and she's been eliminated from the competition. Jennifer Garner would fit the bill except that by the time she TomKat started, she was already rather involved with Ben Affleck. I think we're looking for someone sweet and sexy like Jessica Alba-ish.

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