One Inflated Blind Vice

This one's too stupid for words—which means, of course, darlings, we have to blab 'bout it. So, put on your push-up bras, babes, and snap to! Board-Like Boring isn't really such a bad babe. She's sweet enough. Barely good-looking enough. She reads her lines with, oh, a fair amount of aplomb, I s'pose. But girlfriends, I daresay B.L.B.'s bosses at the big network gig where she does the 9-to-5 thang do not agree that Ms. B. has what it takes.

That's why her job was recently on the line—B.-doll came thisclose to being canned, and she heard about it. And the small-screen heavens above being what they are, Board-Like realized there was only so much she could do to improve her ho-hum prime-time performance—i.e., very little. Therefore, Ms. Boring did what many not exactly talented femmes do when they ultimately realize no amount of acting classes and TelePrompTer training will help: She got a boob job. And guess what?

It worked! The sex-on-their-noggins boss folk at the network changed their minds about Ms. B. (one of them just told me so directly), deciding that all the attention on B.L.B.'s impressive new cleavage would now be diverting viewers from Boring's otherwise nondescript delivery. Ah, Hollywood, predictable to the end. It ain't: It must be: someone news-y.