Mimi emancipated herself right into portliness

Poor Mariah. It looks like she spent about 45 minutes sucking in her stomach while pulling on the zipper (with a hanger) to squeeze into that thing that she considers a mini dress but most people would refer to as lingerie. What she really needs is someone to enroll her ass in Bally's 30-day fitness challenge (STAT) and find herself a nice, gay friend who will tell her that her ass looks like a big, old, lumpy bowl of cottage cheese. Then she needs to fire her Jack Russell terrier as her stylist and hire someone who will put her in a burkha or muumuu or something to that effect until she can shape up enough to once again wear lingerie out in public.