One Foreboding Blind Vice

A skinny starlet previously in rehab is back on the blow? Say it ain't so! Suckin' up lines in front of dozens of clubgoers? Shocked! As if.

I mean, gals getting their fix of nose candy in the VIP area is nothing new in Hell-Ay. I've got some much juicier gossip about a supposedly squeaky-clean twosome...

Breaking up is so hard to do, and the aftermath is never pretty. There are so many unanswered questions. Who gets what? Who's to blame? Who will hook up with someone new first? Who will be named in a scandalous, kinky lawsuit? And finally, who cheated?As if divorces weren't ugly enough, things between Julep Jiggle and Driscoll Dreamboat are about get downright abysmal--even though their split occurred some time ago. You see, in the near future, someone's most likely going to file a lawsuit. And in that suit will be highly incriminating conversations about one partner's penchant for extramarital threesomes--so says balking babe with fancy lawyers. This is so exciting, I feel just like Tom Cruise in The Firm!

Now, I bet you've already pinned Julep as the obvious offender. After all, rumors were flying that J.J. hooked up with a slew of humpy high-rollers. People say she's self-centered and demanding. (By the way, who isn't in this damn town?) Yep, everyone felt très sorry for poor D2. He seemed like such a nice guy.

Until now. Since he married Julep, Dris has been gettin' more nasty nooky than ever, according to legal-filing chick. And, evidently, Driscoll's a multitasker. Not just around the house but in the bedroom, too. Three's never a crowd for this guy...the more, the merrier. As if that's not naughty enough, Driscoll hinted he might also be down for a threesome with a smokin' girl...and a very hot, semi-famous bud. Yes, buddy, as in a dude. Whatever, threesomes are the norm here in Blindville. But you know what's exciting about this one, gals? In like a few weeks, you're prolly gonna know exactly who I'm talkin' about. We'll talk then, 'kay?

This is where the column gets weird -- it's not: Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger; Lorenzo Lamas and Shauna Sands Lamas (like anyone would care about them); or Chad Lowe and Hillary Swank. In my opinion not one of those six people would make this a juicy piece of gossip.

Um... I'm going to have to go with the obvious here:

It's about time for some divorce proceedings and I'm waiting for him to take her ass to the bank since there was no pre-nup. Ted says we're going to hear about it and I think with these two it'll all come out with a little bit of time. Any thoughts?