...and keep it shut!

I wish Eva Longoria would stop talking…forever. She's only good for 'looking at,' not 'listening to.' Here are three MORE reasons why I wish this upon her:

Reason 1. In a recent interview for Allure magazine, Eva verbally castrated her boyfriend:
Tony's only been with one other person in his life. He's very sweet. I'm the experienced one. I'm the teacher, especially about love. He's always telling me he's never met anyone who loves the way I do - wholly, freely and unconditionally. Since I grew up in Texas, I'm like the people he's gotten used to around San Antonio instead of being a Hollywood actress who's selfish and arrogant and full of herself... and screamy.

Translation: He sucks in bed but it's ok because I'm a big whore so I've been showing him how to get it done. His last girlfriend, the only other girl he's been with, was a total dead fish in the sack so I'm a whole new bag of tricks. I've been using my Texas charm on him so he totally doesn't see me as the selfish, screamy, arrogant Hollywood actress that I am.

Reason 2. Eva thinks that her boyfriend, Tony Parker, is more sophisticated than your average black NBA player because of his foreign upbringing. The dude is from France so according to Eva, French people don’t like “bling and hos.” I bet her school never had a foreign exchange student so she’s probably never actually met someone from a country other than Mexico…which might almost explain why Tony is more worldly than anyone she’s met in the states:
The Spurs are such straight arrows compared to the rest of the National Basketball Association (NBA). "Seven of the 13 Spurs are foreign, so they don't have that American thing of the bling and the cars and the MTV CRIBS and yes, the hos." He's [Tony's] way more worldly than anyone I've met in the States.

What a tragic love story -- a wordly, sophisticated, gentlemanly NBA player falls madly in love with a uncultured, unrefined, unsophisticated American actress who always seems to be talking about sex and dildos.

Reason 3. Eva was going to give her grandmother a calendar featuring a picture of her black boyfriend but her Mexican family is a bunch of racists so she came up with the master plan:
When her mom reminded her that she couldn’t give her grandma a calendar because she doesn’t know Tony’s black, Eva fired back with 'We'll just tell her he's French.”

Yes Eva, because “French” disguises “Black” really well. Brilliant. His English must be TERRIBLE because I can't think of another reason why he would still be with her.