Jess' text message breakup and gossip from a parallel universe

Although my source is less credible than Weekly World News, I'm relaying gossip that Jessica Simpson was dumped via text message. A male friend of mine who doesn't even wear matching socks less than read celebrity gossip just text messaged me that Jessica Simpson was dumped by Maroon 5's Adam Levine through a text message. Adam's message to Jessica said "Really Busy. Need Space." The message on my phone said "Jessica Simpson was dumped by text message "Really Busy. Need Space." by Maroon 5. Those are all the details I have.

In other news, Weekly World News is reporting a parallel universe where Bill Clinton is a Celebate Priest has indeed been discovered. Using a Multi-Dimensional Revealer (MDR), a combination of sound and light at high frequencies directed through a prism at certain intervals, a small hole into the dimension that sits right beside our own on the universal roulette wheel can be opened revealing Earth B. I've been waiting my whole life for this. Among the discoveries on Earth B:

•Bill Clinton was a celibate priest.
• George Bush was a college professor.
•A balding Donald Trump worked as a cashier in a pet shop.
•Paris Hilton ran a soup kitchen in the Third World.
•Britney Spears was a singer.
•Marijuana was legal but coffee was not.
•Iraq was our 51st state.
•Mexico possessed weapons of mass destruction.
•Weekly World News was on every library shelf and quoted on evening news programs.

[WWN] [other source: verizon text message]