FASHION FIX: Towels and White Armpits Aren't "IN"

Seriously people, what is this?

Ok...I know literally this picture is made-up Lindsay Lohan in some sort of weird, drape-y tan dress with little Chanel earrings, a big, gold bracelet and little white purse.

What I see though is a young, overrated, trying-too-hard, not-that-pretty, not-that-talented (puhleeze all you haters, did you see her on SNL?) cokewhore, dressed in a strategically positioned and draped beige towel, with a fake tan, white armpits, an ugly purse and a hell of a lot more money than a combined 18 blog readers will probably earn in their lifetimes. I just gave you at least 9 good reasons to be at least $10 richer by not speding your money on A Prairie Home Companion or Just My Luck and 5+ good reasons not to dress like this. ...and no, I don't hate Lindsay Lohan so all you Lindsay fans chill out...I think she's just sadly displaced.