One Call-a-Cab Blind Vice
Sorry kids! I'm a little late on this one! I was out of town:
What do Spoona Moon and Barker Kumeselot have in common?
Neither of these talented, tumultuous hotties can just say no when it comes to danger...er, fun!Last week, Spoona's stylist hit up a ridiculously trendy boutique. The stylist seemed freakin' fed up with everything, but for a damn good reason."None of these clothes fit her right now," she sniffed, loud enuff for other shoppers to hear. "She's not eating at all, just doing coke."Oh, Spoona, come on. I thought you had some new good-influence friends? Sigh.Well, at least--as far as I know--she's not putting her wrecked head behind the wheel of a car.
That's what Barker did last week, when he arrived at a high profile event seeming, well, high on life! (Booze, actually.) Anyway, Barker scared the Agent Provocateur panties and Hugo Boss briefs off some fancy-ass folks."He showed up hammered and drove up on the sidewalk," whispers my stunned source. "And a cop had to take him out of his car."Miraculously, Barker did manage to make his way through the bash, which was very la-dee-dah--as in, no peeing in the planters, no chatter about network reality shows. But you won't see his puffy punum on the WireImage party page. He didn't--or perhaps couldn't--walk the carpet.
Hmmm, maybe Spoona and Barker will head to Promises rehab together and embark on a gloriously codependent journey to love?Nah. They'd just wind up fighting over who's more seductive. 
I'd love to say that Spoona Moon is Ashlee Simpson because her mother fired her stylist very recently. Rumors were spreading that Ashlee and her stylist, Jessica Pastor, were doing drugs together. Ashlee has become a bit skinner but I don't think she's at the point where she would have clothes-fitting issues. Lindsay Lohan would be another great guess because I'm sure she does drugs with her stylist, Rachel Zoe (have you looked at those two lately? Haggard R' Us) and she is pretty known for putting her wrecked head behind the wheel hence that clue. Lindsay just really doesn't look that skinny at this point either (picture below is old and for comparison only). I did hear a story a while ago about Nicole Richie having a problem where she's below a size zero but that was ages ago. Unfortunately the post mentions that this person has talent so that basically rules out Ashlee, Nicole Richie and most of the other people we've come to know as "celebrities." I'm not sure if Ted just overestimates talent. Anyway, here's a little visual aid:
Skinny enough to not fit into boutique clothes
Not quite skinny enough to NOT fit into boutique clothes 
The male version of my guess would be Jeremy Piven. He has that whole "I'll drive over the sidewalk at a snooty party because I'm drunk" look to him. [source] 
4 comments:
I thought throwing Sharon Stone into the ain'ts maybe is a hint that Spoona is a little longer in the tooth than the usual coked-up BI suspects. Maybe Teri Hatcher? She's thin enough to play a concentration camp victim.
Definitely has to be Piven for Kumselot, Ted had another BI with this name before that fit Piven to a 't'.
You're so wise! :) For a split second I was actually thinking someone a little older too but I got sidetracked by the usual suspects, the whole stylist/friend thing and dissected it to the point of no return.
You and I were on the same page with the Piven thing. I hope if they ever make a Blind Vice outta me I'm Xine Kumselot.
The problem is that those "usual suspects" seem to fit almost all the BI's in some way or another. Hooked on coke? Lohan! Sleeping around? Lohan! Crashing her car? Lohan! Anorexia? Lohan!
I agree. The "usual suspects" are also the stars that people want to hear the stories about. Everyone wants to hear about Nicole Richie's latest antics...Nicolette Sheridan, not so much.
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