One Squat-Ready Vice

Toothy Tile has some clandestine company these days, and I'm not just referring to those starry dudes who are dangling soclose to suddenly revealed homo-card territory. Not at all.
Ya see, Dubba Do-Me has been right out there, for years, walking that tightrope of pretend-hetero public infatuation, (mostly) stellar entertainment delivery and private-trainer poking, among other closely paid companions.

Yes, yes, yes, said trainers are boys, all boys. They're the ones who secretly visit D.D.-M. on his myriad film sets, where Dubba's trailers always resemble many homes on the Great Plains, size- and price-wise. But don't get me wrong here, sweetcakes--we're not talkin' alleged Michael Jackson stuff, uh-uh. Let's just say Mr. Do-Me prefers guys younger than him. Much. Is this all such a big deal? Not really. But I suspect it will be, as more and more (two this week alone, that I'm aware of) have started complaining so damn loudly about having to peddle Do-Me's false image that they're getting mucho restless. Especially now that D.'s bitchin' bod ain't exactly what it used to be. In other words, get ready for Emperor Do-Me's clothes to become transparent rather quickly.

And it's not:

This is not an easy one as Ted hasn't been too friendly with the clues this week. What I can get from this is DDM has been around for quite some time along with those pesky, lingering rumors about his sexuality. DDM used to be a hottie but has packed on a few, is this because of old age or bad diet? Ted says DDM had a myriad of film sets with huge, expensive trailers. He's a big star. Unfortunately Ted doesn't give us too much info about the personal life -- dating, married, divorced, children?

Usual suspects: it wouldn't be a "walkin' the tightrope" gay rumor without John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Matthew McConaughey as guesses. I would've guessed Eddie Murphy but he's ruled out. I just want to know what the hell are Kurt Russell and Frankie Muniz doing here? I never would've thought of them let alone need Ted to rule them out. Maybe they're connected to DDM! Six degrees of Kurt Russell and Frankie Muniz? Honestly, I'm stumped. Do you think Ted was out of juicy gossip and just made up this ambiguous gay post?