Friends Don't Call Friends Firecrotch

I promised no more Firecrotch but I lied. There's one more story to this hopefully short-lived saga. Firecrotch isn't happy with the "apology" Brandon Davis supposedly issued shortly after his seemingly-drunken tirade of 4th grader vulgarity. What apology? The one that Joe "Girls Gone Wild" Francis was talking about or the statement PageSix released? Just because a guy who made his money off girls pulling up their shirts and yelling "wooo wooo" into a camcorder and a gossip column said there was an apology, doesn't really mean he really apologized. I wouldn't accept:

"My behavior on May 16 was inexcusable. What started out as a joke got completely carried away and I am horrified at the words that came out of my mouth. I consider Lindsay a friend and I hope she accepts my sincere apology for my reprehensible actions last week."

Friends don't call friends FIRECROTCH.

... if the brunt of the joke was my 7 foot long clitoris and vaginal freckles. Of course, I don't have either of those physical anomalies …I’m speaking hypothetically here.
In Touch is now reporting that Lohan's lawyers have sent the oil heir a letter warning that the actress may sue him if he doesn't make a $250,000 charitable donation and release a videotaped apology to TV. Lindsay's lawyers should also send a letter to Lindsay warning her that cokeheads may sue her for making them look bad unless she buys $250,000 worth of pure cocaine and rents out a room in the Fantasy Tower at the Palms for a week long binge. [source]