Gluttony Purchases Guilt For $600 Million

Jenny Craig has apparently taken some classes at the Heather Mills McCartney school of whoring oneself to foreign businessmen. In one of the most ironic business deals ever, Nestle (the Swiss chocolate company) has purchased Jenny Craig (the weight loss company) in an effort to take complete financial control of America’s obesity problem. The price of total diet domination: $600 million (no word on whether Kirstie Alley's fat, Scientologist ass was included in the deal). The only thing missing in their business plan: a nationwide chain of surgeons specializing in liposuction.[source]