Monday, June 05, 2006

"I was a reject in high school" story of the day

In a hilarious display of displaced daddy issues, Perez Hilton (and what I can only imagine is the other personality inside his head that comprises the proverbial “we” he’s always speaking of) lashed out at Jessica Coen and Jesse Oxfeld, the editors of Gawker.com. Apparently some of Paris Hilton's delusions of grandeur dripped off her during a table-dancing, coke-induced sweat and permeated the energizer bunny costume Perez wore to Cannes. Here are some key highlights of his mini-tirade:

We feel sad for Jessica Coen and Jesse Oxfeld, the editors of Gawker.com, a media website that occasionally dabbles in gossip and gets gets less than half the traffic of PerezHilton.com. Unable to have any sources of their own or ever break any stories that matter, Jessica and Jesse picked up this story from a website that anyone would hardly describe as credible. Normally we'd let Gawker wallow in their own shit, but when they try to scare away potential sources we must shine a light on their stupidity.

Here’s Gawker's story titled "How to Lose Sources and Alienate Tipsters."

On the media shuttle bus over to Saturday night's MTV Movie Awards in Los Angeles, another journalist (and ANIMAL's source for the story) congratulated Perez on being the first to report Page Six editor Richard Johnson's DUI arrest. Perez accepted the compliment, then boastfully told our mole that Chris Wilson, Page Six's hangover-happy foot soldier, was who he received the tip from just a few hours after Johnson was released from the drunk tank.

Here’s his excuse:

We were in the media shuttle bus on Saturday with our friends from Teen People and Us Weekly when a reporter asked us how we got the story of Richard Johnson being arrested. Obviously that's a shit journalist because a true reporter would never ask someone to reveal their sources. We joked that "Richard Johnson phoned us the item himself," and then hoped he would shut up. But when he persisted, we joked that "Okay, fine. It was Chris Wilson [a reporter for Page Six]." We laughed and then turned away from the line of the imbecile's questioning. Unlike Gawker, who eat their own - ask Elizabeth Spiers - we would never burn our sources. Nice try though, guys!

So basically he’s admitting he said it. It’s like the episode of the Sopranos where the mobsters see Vito Spatafore dressed in leather biker regalia, grinding on a gay man in a gay bar. When they confront him he says “it’s just a joke.” Perez only wishes his site was as smart as Gawker. Perez is like a GED failure competing in an essay contest with doctoral candidates. Meglomania with a side of middle school maturity.

7 comments:

adrienne said...

wow, that was complicated.

Julia said...

I hear from a credible source that he's broke-ass (no car in LA? What?), he has terrible BO, and eats like a pig. And yes, I'm that juvenile.

OldWiseOne said...

I stopped reading his site a week or two ago because I could feel my IQ drop a couple of points with each visit and almost missed a chance to mock the pink elephant!

Christ on a bike that guy is so high school. Yes Perez you do have many more 14 year olds visiting your site and leaving juvenile comments on any given day than Gawker, but does that make you better?

Someone should pass him a note after gym class and let him know that stories about how he received an atomic wedgie from one of the blog-jocks are even less interesting than the *stories* about him fighting with Nicole Richie's hairstylist.

LĂ­ney said...

That guy is the biggest retard ever!! I was partying with rose Mcgowan and Quentin Tarantino on new years and happened to take a few photos of them together. i posted them on my blog site and a few weeks later, i found that perez had stolen them and stamped his ugly initials all over them. ARRRG... hes such a pathetic loser!

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