Friday, June 02, 2006

One Homo-Helper Blind Vice

Oh gosh, Wiggly Jiggle-Poof is too cute. America loves her. I mean, him. Or do I?

Oh, let's back up, shall we? And that's an appropriate segue if there ever was one, because Wiggly--a desperate eager type from Blandsville, Anywhere--got more than just a foot in the door, know what I mean, my jaded jellybeans?

Let me be more clear (not exactly my strong suit, I know): Wiggly was helped enormously with his glitzy 'n' glam gig by a certain in-the-closet major Biz player by the name of Burp Behemoth. Yes, sexual favors were included in exchange for W.'s 9-to-5 rise. Just as long as W.J.P. remained available for Burp's pleasures, when he so chose, which actually turned out to be not that often.

So, was it all that bad, in the end?

Certainly not for Mr. Jiggle. That is, unless more and more boob-tube devotees discover the little deal J.P. made with the Tinseltown devil--with whom many of us are so often tempted to do bidness.

And it ain't:

Ugh. It's too early on a Friday for me to even attempt to figure this out. Basically we're looking for a higher-up in the entertainment industry who isn't out of the closet and an adorable TV star who had a quick-ish rise to fame courtesy of a few blow jobs and a drive down the Hershey highway or something. I can rule out a few more usual suspects: I don’t think it’s Ryan Seacrest (just don’t think it’s him), Anderson Cooper (famous mom, story doesn’t match) or Jesse Metcalf (used to be on TV much more than he is now).

Ok, after warming up my brain a little I have two guesses: 1. Chad Michael Murray because he just seems like one of those guys who would do this and I love to call him gay for some reason. 2. Ashton Kutcher because I remember reading something about network exec's asking him to read for parts and he got "That's 70's Show" on his first audition -- or something to that effect. Neither one of them have particularly "glitz and glam" gigs although you might be able to consider Ashton's marriage a "glitzy and glam gig." These aren't the best guesses in the world but that's what I'm workin' with right now!

11 comments:

OldWiseOne said...

Why don't you think it's Ryan Seacrest? He was my first guess. I seem to remember a story about Ryan and Merv Griffin from a few years back. Ewww...ok, must go erase that mental image now.

xine said...

I didn't think it was Ryan Seacrest because he now works at E! and I thought Ted would come up with something better than this. I was just going with a gut feeling. After your comment I started thinking about it and this could quite possibly be the beginning of a new character with additional stories in the future. So..Ryan Seacrest is back on my list.

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