YOUR 15 MINUTES: Help, My Penis is Erect and It Won't Go Down

I always laugh when I hear those Cialias/Viagra disclaimers that say "seek medical attention if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours." I think if my boyfriend had an erection that lasted longer than four hours he'd call all of his guy friends to tell them...since talking about extended erections is a totally straight thing to do. Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, of Providence, Rhode Island didn't just have a 4 hour erection, he had a 10 year erection due to a faulty penile implant. He got the steel and plastic implant, called the Dura-II, in 1996, about two years before Viagra went on the market. Two years to early. The Dura-II is designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it. Chick got it up but then he couldn't get it back down. Oh, the irony.

He could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment. He has become a recluse and is uncomfortable being around his grandchildren, his lawyer said. Yeah, um, if I had a constant erection I'd be uncomfortable around more than just my grandchildren. In fact, I think I'd only be comfortable around strippers and whores.

In 2004, a jury awarded him $750,000. A judge called that excessive and reduced it to $400,000. On Friday, the Rhode Island Supreme Court affirmed that award in a ruling that turned on a procedural matter. The implant consists of a series of plastic plates strung together with steel surgical wire, almost like a roll of wrapped coins. Springs press against the plates, creating enough surface tension to simulate an erection. See, you learn something new every day. So why doesn't he just get the implant removed?

Lennon cannot get the implant removed because of health problems, including open-heart surgery, his lawyer said. Impotence drugs could not help Lennon even if he were able to have the device taken out, because tissue had be to removed for it to be implanted. The dude is screwed and probably can't screw. I'm sorry, a 10 year erection deserves more than $400,000. He deserves like $4 million and a trophy. Ten years is pretty impressive. A 4 hour erection sounds fun. A 10 year erection sounds annoying...like a good reason to slash some wrists. Do you think he could some sort of world record for this? A nice picture of his fake hard-on in the Guinness book? [source]