Just because her name stars with “G-A-Y” doesn’t mean she’s gay.

Oprah is not gay. She's saying it again in the August issue of O, the Oprah Magazine for all of you who didn't hear the other 223,932.3 times she addressed this rumor. "I understand why people think we're gay," she says. "There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it -- how can you be this close without it being sexual?" In a long article, Winfrey, 52, and Gayle King converse about their 30 years of friendship and "four-times-a-day phone calls." The two friends say they would have no problem telling the public if they were in a sexual relationship. "The truth is, if we were gay, we would tell you, because there's nothing wrong with being gay," says King. Says Winfrey: "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it's been a very fun ride."

So the relationship may be indefinable in our culture, it's otherworldly but it's definitely not gay. They don't know what it is but they one thing they can rule out in the spectrum of things is gay. They can’t find a label to fit but they can rule out gay because that’s the only label that doesn’t fit. They’re beyond straight but they’re not gay or they’re like the gayest straight people ever. It's as close to as you can get to being gay without actually being gay. It's basically long-term lesbian but without the lesbian sex. Oprah does not want to kiss the girl. The carpet is inedible at Oprah’s. Close but no cigar. They’re definitely breeders. Oprah and Gayle like the baloney pony. Straight as an arrow. Gay: Denied. The verdict is in and the jury votes "not gay." They’re just not gay, k?

Sorry but I can't believe that after 30 years of being THAT close with someone you don't slip up every now and again after a few too many cocktails at Oprah’s Legend’s Ball or something. [source]