Lance Armstrong is a Bionic Retard

Lance Armstrong cracked risque jokes as the first athlete to host the ESPY Awards on ESPN, then picked up his fourth consecutive male athlete of the year trophy last night.

"It wasn't rigged, I promise," he told the audience after receiving his silver trophy from Mariah tig-ol-bitties Carey. You know this is only slightly funny cause the french questioned his ass, saying he was using foreign substances... and they weren't talking about deoderant or soap either.

Comedian Will Ferrell interrupted Lance's acceptance speech to sing the 1970s song "Times of Your Life" with lyrics rewritten for Armstrong.

"You've beat the best, let's not forget every urine test," Will sang after introducing a white-suited astronaut the comic insisted was Armstrong's long-lost father, Neil Armstrong.

"Neil Armstrong is not my dad and I don't even think that's Neil Armstrong," the cyclist said.

"Well said," Ferrell replied before plowing on with the musical parody.

HAHHAHA.

[source]