My Eyes Are Burning

I'm pretty much all set with seeing Janet Jackson's boobs and spray-on abs.

It's like, dude, we know you were fat a couple months ago - all wearing baseball caps and sweatshirts trying to hide your face and shit. And we all know you're 40 now, and you've been dating what's-his-name... um, Jermaine I'm-shorter-than-my-girlfriend Dupri for a long time, and the two of you love having sex. AWESOME. Thing is, your new song sucks, your albums will most likely flop, and you look more and more like a photoshopped version of Michael + Latoya. Moving on.

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