Do You Take This Man To Be Your Lawfully Wedded Nutjob?

Since nothing in Tom Cruise's life has been normal lately, so it's safe to assume the most normal thing at his upcoming Scientology wedding to Katie Holmes will be her custom Armani gown. Below is a excerpt from “The Background Ministry, Ceremonies & Sermons of the Scientology Religion,” quoting vows from a Scientology wedding:

The minister asks the bride: “And do you take/His fortune/At its prime and ebb/And seek/With him best fortune/For us all?/Do you?”

The minister then tells the groom: “Now, (groom's name),/girls need clothes/And food and/Tender happiness and frills/A pan, a comb,/perhaps a cat/All caprice if you will/But still/They need them./Do you then/Provide?/Do you?”

How romantic. I'm sure it will be the Scientology wedding ceremony of the year. They should really adjust these vows. In this marriage, I think Tom Cruise is the one in need of tender happiness, girls clothes, frills and a goddamn comb. [source]