Friday, October 27, 2006

One Masterfully Manipulative Blind Vice

Slurpa Pop-Off, you're such the hustlin' hussy! I dare say, I think this twisted gal gets off on stealing other people's men and watching them suffer. Sick, ain't it? (Yet so Hollywood—yech!)

Get a load of Slurpa's latest little pork-and-run plans: Slurpa recently had an altercation, of sorts, with a gal whose former guy Slurpa is currently suckin' face with all over town. Then, this past weekend, S.P.O. flew her Hell-Ay coop for a little fun 'n' sun away from home in another city known for its, uh, devilish diversions. And come Monday, after Slurp's supposedly wild weekend, pics were everywhere of her getting down and dirty with not one, but two questionably doable dudes. Looks like the media fell for her photo-op spit-swap sessions hook, line and deadline-prone sinker. 'Cause it turns out Pop-Off's canoodling for the cameras was planned and pretend. Why's that? Well, to distract from the drama surrounding her and her reported latest amigo, evidently. Are ya with me?

Doesn't matter, we're almost to the end here. A bathroom birdie in said city of delightful diversion overheard Slurpa yakking on her phone that she'd temporarily kicked her b-f to the curb 'cause he was too much trouble, but she might just take him back when he rekindles things with his former flame. Girlfriend, you are cold. In more ways than one, I hear...

Slurpa Pop-Off is not:

Slurpa Pop-Off is: Paris Hilton - we've seen Slurpa around before. What the hell happened to Ted that's caused these things to becoming as transparent as saran wrap? Ambiguity is half the fun of blind vices!


OldWiseOne said...

Exactly - could that be any easier? Sometimes I think Ted's column is being mostly written by the interns.

On another note, does Paris really think Shanna will take Travis back and then Paris can steal him away (or did I not read that correctly)?

xine said...

The internes are definitely practicing. Honestly, the two of us could write these things better with our eyes closed and one hand tied behind our backs! We could easily regurgitate some silly celebrity rumor into four paragraphs of Tedspeak like they are. The topics aren't as juicy as before.

Last I knew Paris had moved on to someone named James Neate (right after Travis). He's a model or something and he has a wonkier eye than Paris! Could she be talking about him or Travis/Shanna?

It was hard to find a link to his pic of the dude...

oldwiseone said...

Maybe you should give it a try xine. Make up a blind item and we can guess 1) who the answer is, and 2) who you stole it from.