One Heaping Blind Vice with a Man on the Side AND One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice

Two for the price of one!

Reverential Ricardo is such a lucious emeritus hottie (no Clay Aiken he, promise), almost as much as Manfred He-Man (see next Vice below), but first, we're zeroing in on R2's once so taut bum—and what he's been doin' with it. See, I'm putting Revey before Manny in this too sex-ay Vice 'cause, well, ya see, Mr. R's been putting us (discreetly, mostly) homo types at the top 'o his list for aeons! So sweet of him to do so!

Not really. Because, as it is, when Ricardo sees fit to discuss homosexuals, he ain't exactly kind about it. Sort of the same way sanctimonious servants o' God spat as they declare diddling outside of marriage to be a sin, all the while they've often got a mistress or masseur on the side. Know what I mean, my money-siphoning jellybeans?Oh, hell, I'm getting off track, per usual. Sorry.

So, ain't it ironic—and such the man-to-man coinky-dink—that Reverential, so say some of his relatives, directly to moi, has a certain buddy living in his abode, expressly for the purpose of late-night nooky? Translation: When the fam's in bed, R.R. rendezvouses with his good-looking (but aging less gracefully than Revey, I might add) lad—kept on salary, by the by, just so R.R. can have discreet homo sex whenever he wants. Oh, and what's written on those pay stubs for the stud-service type, you ask? Anything but Best Boy, bien sûr! What the hell else did you expect in this town? Gosh, did Reverential get that idea from certain other male/male megastars, I wonder? Not that I'm implying anything, mind you...

It ain't:





Did you ever notice that Ted always rules out Eddie Murphy? Like everyone's immediate first guess for any freaky thing would be Eddie Murphy so he has to keep ruling him out so that we can move past the fact that Eddie Murphy is a freak and focus on the other not-so-obvious freaks. Like Mel Gibson. Although I guess it's pretty obvious that there's something wrong with him too. Anyway, he's my guess for this one.

NEXT VICE: One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice

Now, superfamous Manfred He-Man, I must tell you, is far more hopeful and genuine (for whatever that's worth) in his private homo life. Got a good man beside him, just like our fave closeted hunk, Toothy Tile. And even though Manfred does, just like Tooth, dream from time to time about the very real possibility of coming out and keeping his day job in homo-hating 'Merica—as Dubya says, so adoringly—he's trying to convince producers of one of his upcoming flicks to let him sorta do it...slowly.

In other words, via one of the characters Manfred's soon playing, who's even studlier than the reportedly wholly hetero He-Man. "He wants this character to have a scene where he tries gay sex," poops a source close to M.H.-M.'s production goings-on. "He thinks that might help pave the way for him, privately, later on." Whatever works for ya, boyfriend!

Gosh, I wonder if Toothy, the grande dame of on-the-verge fruits, has thought of such a calculating celluloid plan himself? Yeah, I think so. Think he quashed it, in the end. It ain't:





How the hell ain't it Matthew McConaughey? Ted even wrote in his accent. More importantly, is he trying to tell us that Toothy Tile might not be Jake "brokeback mountain" Gyllenhaal?