One Kids 'R' Us Blind Vice

Congrats are in order! Guess what? I hear our fave hubba-hubba, humpy homo in T-town, Toothy Tile, is seriously considering making things super-domesticated with his equally homosational b-f. And no, I don't mean the gorgeous closeted (albeit permanently, it seems) actor is getting a new puppy or Cuisinart. Hear ol' T2 is thinking about helping his man-friend adopt something, uh, more...complex. As in a human (aren't we all?). Meaning, a baby! Too sweet!

I could just cry (since Ellen D. left me on the verge yesterday, ya know) with happiness! Couldn't all you hard-asses at home weep with me, too? Yeah, right—wouldn't hurt for you malcontents to soften up a bit, but whatever. You all going for a boy or a girl, Mr. Tooth? And if he or she turns out to be gay, like you, and if he or she wants to become a mucho-talented performer, also like you, Daddy Toothy, I declare, I do wonder what advice you'd offer the kiddo? Hmmm. What could it be? Stay away from the Biz, altogether, I wonder?

It ain't:

I've said it over and over and over and over and over. Speculation says Jake Gyllenhaal is Toothy. Did Maggie's new bundle of joy bring out the father in him? Who's the boyfriend? From these clues, it sounds like the boyfriend was already planning to adopt and Toothy is just helping. Gay or not, he can help me adopt. By adopt I mean make a baby.