Top 5 Un-Funny Comediennes

My boyfriend and I have some of the most random conversations. Last weekend we went to see comedian Jim Gaffigan, (who I think is hysterical), perform live. Somehow, last night while talking about Jim Gaffigan, we changed the subject female comedians who are totally not funny. Then we decided to make a list. Then we decided that the list should go on the blog. Then we decided that there should be a recurring column on the blog that features a top five un-list. So like un-funny female comedians, unattractive male, unstable singers – you get the picture. It seemed like a much better idea last night when I was relatively drugged from my shoulder surgery and we were completely bored but here it goes anyway:

My top 5 list of un-funny comediennes - I'm not 100% stuck to the ranking:

1. Chelsea Handler – aside from the fact that she had to blow someone really important at E! just to get a show (I’m serious), she’s completely predictable and annoying. I can finish her jokes before she does. My #1 opinion about comedy is that truly funny people don’t have to fill their routine with swearing, self-deprecating slut material, molestation jokes and nastiness – which happens to be her whole shtick over and over and over. The novelty of the girl next door with the mouth of a trucker wears off in about 2.3 seconds and those 2.3 seconds occurred like 3 years ago.
2. Margaret Cho – we get it Margaret, you're Asian with self-esteem issues and you like the gays. Oh, and your mom doesn't speak English well.
3. Sarah Silverman – Seriously Sarah, Jews and Jesus just aren't funny anymore not even when you put them in blender with your dirty mouth, your semi-cute face and add a pinch of attempted shock value.
4. Lisa Lampanelli – She wouldn't be that bad if she didn't buy all of her jokes at Racial Sterotypes R’ Us. It doesn’t offend me, I just really don’t care why this fat bitch likes to sleep with black guys.
5. Joan Rivers – I’m sure she’s funny inside that drug-filled head of hers.

The Love to Hate Her Award:
Kathy Griffin – She’s bad but it’s good.

Honorable mentions for un-funny commedienne has-beens (Joan Rivers would be here if her stretched out, plastic face didn't keep popping up on my TV):

Sandra Bernhard – if physical repulsiveness was humor, she’d be the funniest lady around.
Paula Poundstone – the most hilarious thing she ever did was that DUI with her kids in the car.
Judy Tenuta – You might want to reevaluate your career path if an accordion is an essential part of your comedy routine.

So of course this is all personal opinion – kill me with comments if you want. Here's Chelsea being seriously un-funny - the old ladies are adorable though:

Here's Jim Gaffigan on holiday traditions: