Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Paris Hilton Scandals: A Retrospective

Throughout the past year of writing for this blog, I’ve been consistently entertained by Paris Hilton’s Publicity Machine Elliot Mintz. Day or night, regardless of the scandal, a well-oiled Elliot has some embellished statement on hand that simultaneously denies Paris’ involvement in anything even remotely related to the scandal (in her entire life) while painting Paris as the modern day Virgin Mary. As this latest Paris scandal plays out on the internet, I’ve decided to take a look back at some of Elliot’s denials and provide new, shocking evidence that will discredit his well-paid lies and psychotic denial.

Scandal: Brian Quintana, some unknown party planner slapped Paris Hilton with a restraining order after she threatened him because he told Stavros Niarchos that Miss Paris has herpes. Quintana also says Paris has a drug and alcohol problem, some rather shady associates and is known for erratic behavior.
Elliot Mintz denied Quintana's allegations, telling Court TV: "She doesn't have herpes. She doesn't have a drug problem," and claiming Quintana was simply trying to humiliate his client in order to gain media attention.
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit A and B: Paris Hilton’s Valtrex Prescription. Thanks to those annoying commercials we all know this medication treats genital herpes. One of many pictures of Paris doing drugs.Verdict: Elliot lies.

Combined scandals: Over the course of the past few years, it has come to the attention of the media that Paris has been heard making racist remarks. In the previous herpes scandal Brian Quintana also claims Paris used racial slurs.
Statement: "I've known Paris and worked with her, and the kind of person that was described on the stand this afternoon doesn't resemble the woman that I know." In the past, Paris also responded to these accusations saying, “Anyone who knows me knows that this is not me. I am deeply hurt by recent reports. I am not a person who discriminates against anyone - ever." Nicole Richie added, "She doesn't have a prejudiced bone in her body."
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit C: A video of Paris singing about Jews, Japs and niggers. There are plenty more where this came from.
Verdict: Lies or denial?

Scandal: Photographers capture pics of the inside of Paris Hilton’s purse exposing what was possibly a bag of really cheap, seedy weed and a glass vial containing white powder.
Statement: "Things are not always as they appear. It would be unfair to draw any conclusions based solely on these photos."
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit D: So instead let’s draw conclusions based on these one of many photos of Paris smokin' and a drug kit Pete Doherty would envy.Verdict: I bet he’s tired.

Scandal: In a photo, Paris appeared to have white powder in her nostrils spawning rumors of cocaine use.
Statement: "They asked me if Paris was using cocaine. I explained that she does not use narcotics. They asked what the substance could have been. I explained that I was not there... so I offered some possible explanations."
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit E and F: A video of Paris, Nicole and a plate of cocaine.UPDATE: the video has been remove but here is a still photo of Nicole with the plate. In the video, Paris yelled "you don't eat it, you snort it." Rehab really works, kids! The next piece of evidence is a still photo taken from a video showing one of Paris’ friends with cocaine all over his body. Paris was present in the video and talking about doing cocaine.Oh, and here's a video of her asking for Ecstasy:
I’m tired.

Combined Scandal: Paris Hilton calls Lindsay Lohan a cunt.
Statement: "I've never heard her use that word."
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit G: I'm sick of watching the videos but out of like 10 hours she's said every word in the Urban Dictionary.
Verdict: Elliot is off the hook this time. While he denies never hearing her say it, he doesn’t deny she says it.

Related Scandal: Former beauty queen Shanna Moakler punched Paris in the face at Hollywood nightclub Hyde.
Statement: To try to soil Shanna’s reputation, Elliot said the estranged wife of rocker Travis Barker walked up to Paris at around 1am, "used the most vile of language" and then hit her in the jaw.
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit H: Refer to the previous video exhibits.
Verdict: Elliot's guilty of fighting fire with fire.

Scandal: Paris, Britney, Lindsay blah blah blah
Statement: Elliot says, "What I've observed is that we have three extraordinarily powerful women who generate a tremendous amount of attention, money and adulation and they're tired of other people trying to ride on their coattails and creating false drama."
Celebrity Hijinx Exhibit I - including all previous exhibits. At the end of this video she starts all kinds of drama about some "hoodlum, broke poor bitch from like, public school bitch. faggot." I guess she forgot that she dropped out of high school.
Verdict: There’s no false drama here – she creates this for herself. While I'm definitely not the moral fiber of my group of friends, I'm at least smart enough to keep our night-vision worthy shenanigans off video tape…or my friends are smart enough to take the video camera away from me. Whatever the case, I pay my bills. At this point, Paris’ belongings are is lowering my IQ by the second but it's like a morbid fascination.

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