One Effed-Up Blind Vice

Pansy Press is one screwed-up dude. Let's see. Where shall we begin? P2's colleagues are not fond of him, as he's wont to do things such as hit, berate and hit on his myriad acting buds. Yum, such an assortment of naughtiness from which to choose! Not!

But if you're wondering why Pansy is almost always—both in public and private—on the verge of committing (if not already going ahead with) an Isaiah Washington—i.e., totally inappropriate public behavior—well, there's a reason. Yep, one that Anna Nicole just might have identified with. See, whether it involves punching guts, pinching asses or pissing all over—verbally speaking, mind you—Pansy's shocked costars, there's a reason Mr. Press is so damn unpredictable. "He's on every drug you can imagine," sniffed one of his hard-partying amigos. "And I don't mean the nonrecreational kind." Hmmm. Can hardly say I'm surprised. Makes perf sense. Par-tick regarding the notion that I've always suspected: P.P., famous for his hetero ways, is really a fruit at (non-nine-to-five) heart. But then I always think that, don't I?

It ain't:It could be:
Jeremy Piven. For some reason he drives me crazy and I don't see him being too stable. Who else is unpredictable? Um...well there are people like Andy Dick or Johnny Knocksville but they wouldn't need a blind item. When all else fails, go with Tom Cruise.