Friday, March 30, 2007

Myspace Masterpieces: Memoirs of A Yeast Infection

Yesterday I wrote about the current Amber Alert for my missing creativity and its fraternal twin Ambition, and it spawned a little idea for the blog. Why not utilize other people’s creativity and/or stupidity for our own entertainment through the easily-accessible, public means of MySpace blogs? So, all you electronically networked readers, start forwarding the wild and crazy MySpace blogs you read while you’re bored at work. celebhijinx@gmail.com is always open for business.

Here’s the debut blog – not responsible for the continuous misspellings of prescription and hygiene as well as the chronic homophone misuse- isle instead of aisle.

Author's Vitals:
Gender
: Male
Status: Single
Age: 27
City: Los Angeles, CA

Title: I have a YEAST INFECTION

Confused about the subject title? Think it's for shock value? No . . . I really do have a yeast infection!

For the past 3 months or so, I've had a strange irritation on my chest below my right pectoral. I thought it was a rash, or an allergic reaction, so I applied steroid cream to it. After a few months of this, it only seemed to be making the condition worse. I went to the doctor today in fear that this growth might completely cover my body and eat me alive, and he stated that I have a skin fungus. I thought, "cool, it'll be easy to get rid of it. Thank God it's not some rare skin eating bacteria or ebola or something." He proceeded to write me a perscription for "Miconazole." (ladies, you already know where this is going).

Upon arriving to the pharmacy, I handed the woman behind the counter my perscription. She looks at me funny as if I was about to give her a punch line, then after an uncomfortable moment of silence, she says "I'll be right back." She goes over to what appears to be the "head pharmacist" and proceeds to point at me. She returns saying "it's an over the counter drug" and points in the general direction of all the over the counter drug isles. So, I head over to the isle with the cortizone and cortizade itching cream, but "miconazole" is nowhere to be found. I ask the pharmacist again, which isle? She says check in the foot section (makes sense, fungus and feet). So I check in the foot isle . . . no "miconazole." Upon returning the pharmacist one last time, she says "Check the feminine hygene section." I said, "feminine hygene?!?" So she escorts me over to the feminine hygene section and hands me a box of Monistat (or otherwise stated on the box:

"yeast infection relief
Miconazole
nitrate vaginal cream
Vaginal antifungal
cures most vaginal yeast infections
+ external vulvar cream")

I stared at her, then back at the box, and back at her. She shrugs her shoulders silently, smirks and walks away back to her pharmacist batcave. I stared at the box, then back at my percription. Miconazole. It says it both on the box and on my percription. After a few minutes of deciding whether or not the doctor was making a mockery of me for the delight of his coworkers, I got it just in case. Upon purchasing the "miconazole" the asian cashier at the front of the store seemed to be pretty confused and failed to look at me.

So, after talking to my doctor, it turns out my exgirlfriend gave me a yeast infection . . . ON MY CHEST!! How it's possible, I don't know. Just a lingering side effect of my ex girlfriend. A departing gift I suppose. So, I'm gunna go apply some monistat yeast infection relief vaginal antifungal cream on my CHEST! What did you guys do tonight? HA

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is the funniest shit i have heard in weeks.

Anonymous said...

I love this idea. Hilarious blog. I need to start loking for some. I bet you'd be really successful by reading profiles from West Virginia.

big gay neil said...

sheesh, talk about your vagina monologues !!!!!

ankur said...

Great blog. I really liked it. I have also created a lens in same niche. This is my first time, hope u guys like it. Here’s a brief intro: Yeast infections are uncomfortable and can become systemic. The use of antibiotics, steroids as well as certain birth control pills can lead to bacteria changes that in turn manifest as a yeast infection. Wearing wet clothing (ie staying in a bathing suit after swimming) as well as wearing tight pants can cause yeast to spread. Exercise clothing also gets damp often when we work out and perspire. We all know that mold loves moisture. http://www.squidoo.com/Home-Cure-for-Yeast-Infection1/

Dave said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Electro_Fox said...

Yeahhhh! Big Gay Neil, That's funny shit too... Heh :)
A "Herp-Chest", That's one hell of a dowry, hehehee...

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