One Fake Femme Blind Vice

Sorry, gals, another (hetero) celeb bites the dust.

‘Cause, according to one guy who’s done the biting on Tumescent Pickle’s privates, T.P. only allows da dudes down there for servicing. Oh, but there’s a catch—as is always the case in this never-as-it-seems enclave. Mr. Pickle, who has as healthy a media presence as he does body endowment, prefers to pretend his male sex providers look like girls. ¿Comprende? No? Well, just conjure up Sacha Baron Cohen’s BFF Dustin Hoffman during his Academy Award-winning Tootsie days, and you just might see the panties-wearing light.

"He’s totally into trannies,” gabbed one of same who said he’s done it with T.P. Oh, by the by, for all you sexually less enlightened folk out there who think "tranny” is short for prostitutes from Transylvania, or something, must tell you it’s slang for transsexual or transvestite. Ya know, like Felicity Huffman in TransAmerica? Good. Glad you all get it now.

Let’s move on: Sadly, just like last week’s Preen Pumper, I’m afraid this Mr. Pee also doesn’t like a lotta kissin’ or cuddlin’ along with the mostly one-way sex, just "wham-bam, thank you, man"! ‘Course, a lotta guys are like that with their gals in general—right, ladies? Uh-huh. I just wonder how long it’s going to be before Pickle’s conservative entertainment-conglomerate boss peeps find out the well-liked aw-shucks stud likes anything but born booby types in bed. Oh, who the hell am I kidding here? Half of Hollywood stars (and their employers) are into the kinkiest stuff around. It ain't: I hate to say this because I'm rather fond of Ted C. but he must be must be getting old and detached - NOBODY in 2007 thinks that "tranny” is short for prostitutes from Transylvania or transmissions in a car for that matter. At this point it doesn't even make for creative writing... I don't really care about the tranny-lovin' celeb, I just want to know when Sacha Baron Cohen and Dustin Hoffman became BFF and why.

Anyway, something tells me that this is a famous person personality not actor. "Conservative entertainment-conglomerate boss peeps" makes me think of FOX but Bill O'Reilly already paved the way for scandals there with his voicemails of phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation and his famous falafel fetish. Seriously though, it's Ann Coulter.