Questionable Quotes: Larry Birkhead

Larry Birkhead does well with many things: photographing celebrities, getting his little white peeps between Anna Nicole's legs, pursuing paternity lawsuits, testifying in court, garnering public support, maintaining his blonde highlights....but eulogizing the woman he "loved"...not so much. Here's an excerpt about what Larry had to say:

"Sometimes, when she was perceived to be the worst, she was actually the best. ... She was misunderstood in what she was in life and what she needed. I'll never forget one time, I saw her put something in her bag -- it was a ketchup packet. ... It's not because she couldn't afford it, [but] when I looked into the kitchen and saw all those ketchup packets, [I realized that they] represented security."

What the fuck? Security... like security that she'll never have a french fry without ketchup or security that she'll always have a ketchup packet to love her? This is just one of many reasons why ex-boyfriends shouldn't be allowed to speak at funerals. Ketchup packet talk has no place at a funeral...except for mine because I have a undying love for ketchup. Heinz only. I carry it with me at all times. When my sad day comes, Dino will give a eulogy about my love for ketchup, tell all of my ketchup stories, there will be a 57 gun salute and the guns will shoot Heinz ketchup into the air.