Celebrity Deathmatch 1291: Spelling vs. Francis

Since Joe Francis is in jail and Candy Spelling is old, they couldn't battle through their myspace accounts. Instead they chose a letter-writing campaign via TMZ.com.

Dear Joe, As the headlines about you changed -- to scream "imprisoned" and "U.S. marshals" instead of "filmmaker" and "entrepreneur," you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today's headlines call you a "crybaby." You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you're being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you. The flatterers and entourages have moved on. They have short attention spans. They're hanging on to someone else and will take advantage of the new "temp celebrity" as long as it lasts. The only redeeming factor is reading that you have been calling home every day from prison. When things are looking bleak, it sounds like you've found that you can get some perspective from the reliable people at home. Maybe you're realizing these are the only people who really care about you. Your world has changed, and you're the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It's time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,
Candy Spelling

Dear Candy:
I don't know you, I have never met you and I don't know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let's say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces. I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it's sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

Candy, you don't know any of the facts concerning my situation. I am a hardworking, compassionate and honest person. I will prevail just as I have in the past because overcoming adversity is not only a part of the entrepreneurial experience but a part of life. You should appreciate this and know this more than anyone and I am ashamed of you for forgetting how hard it is to make it in this world and the people who would love to tear you down because you have. Sadly, it appears you have become one of those people.

Contrary to what you have said in your letter, my world has not changed. My business Girls Gone Wild is thriving and posted record sales last month. Most important, my friends and my family (I love you guys....) have stood by me. This whole situation will be over soon and I will be standing strong. I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,
Joe Francis