FASHION FIX: The Big Pink Elephant in the Room

Somebody has got to talk about it and I have a little bit of time this afternoon. Problem is, I don’t know what to say other than “no. no. absolutely not. bad. ugh. ew. who? what? why?” and then break into hysterical laughter. You can often times tell whether or not a person has true friends by the outfits they wear. It's a fun little fashion equation…the importance of the event multiplied by the craziness of the outfit plus or minus the level of social acceptability of the outfit equals the amount of true friendship in the outfit-wearer's life. It looks something like this:

IE x C ± SA = Perez Hilton Obviously Went to Cannes Alone.

I can overlook the fact that Paris Hilton, our favorite red carpet hoebot, ripped down a curtain in a child’s nursery and strategically tied it into a two-shouldered, belted toga when she has America’s greatest fashion monstrosity 2006 standing next to her.

It appears as if Perez couldn’t figure out if he wanted to be Madonna on her way to the 2001 LA opening of the movie Snatch, John Travolta during his overweight stage but in his Saturday Night Fever costume with a redesigned jacket inspired by the Pink Ladies or the Energizer Bunny minus the drum and sunglasses… and in a usual moment of sheer desperation, he just went for all of them at the same time.

Just as Perez was about to leave the room at his hostel, he realized someone stole his shoes. He beat down the first celebrity he saw for their celebrity footwear. Unfortunately that celebrity was Avril Lavigne. She just happened to be wearing her old, “comfortable” sneakers on her way to the Cannes festivities. It worked out well because she also had her new, fancy, 4 inch stilettos with her to put on before her arrival so she can continue to attempt to impress Karl Lagerfeld. Then, in an even more catastrophic turn of events, he forced his way in front of the paparazzi who weren’t trying to take pictures of him, the picture ended up on the internet because Paris Hilton is in it, I caught a glimpse of the picture and I now have some neurological damage and an appointment for a PET scan for tomorrow morning.

I have a burning question: Did Perez drop $19.99 for a bedazzler, take that hideous jacket to a monogram shop for embroidery or draw on the “Perez” with a black sharpie and a steady hand?

Thanks to oldwiseone for the heads up on the original Hilton picture from Socialite's Life!