One Employee of the Month Blind Vice

Once upon a time, there was a talented young lass by the name of Morgan Mayhem. Oh, could she act! She was such a good performer that bitchy rivals simmered with green-eyed jealousy. But one day, a big bad she-wolf in Kitson duds named Coco Cocaine came along. She seduced Morgan with her overly vibrant, come-hither eyes--prettier than Wentworth Miller's, even--and then, suddenly, the big fat studio pigs were very, very sad.

Okay, hold on. This is Hell-Ay; the pigs aren't heartbroken exactly. They're just plain disgusted and scared for their precious beaucoup-bucks accounts.

Darlings, Ms. Mayhem has become the hottest li'l liability in Tinseltown.

"Studios were all but in love with her," blabs one über-connected Armani clad producer. "But she's so unstable that everyone's becoming afraid to hire her. Her behavior on the set of Jump, Jive and High Five! is still talked about. She was beyond "distracted," for myriad reasons. At this point, Armani wearer makes air quotes with his hands and rolls his eyes, sucking back the rest of an overpriced designer something or other. "And we all know what that means."

Oy, oy, boy. I wish there were something I could do to help ol' Morgan out. The problem is that she's about as solid and reliable as a sponge. Stick her with serious, stable, Oscar-hoarding types, and she'll transform into a Jodie Foster. But plop this babe in a Bel-Air frat-house crowd and, well, she'll be first in line for body shots.

The solution is obvious. Ya stick the sponge in the desert and let it dry out.

'Course, first, you'd have to convince her to go. Not an easy task.

And it's not:

Ok. I hate to do this but I'm going with Lindsay Lohan. During the last blind vice comments I told oldwiseone I was going to really think outside the box, but it doesn't help that Ted threw out Morgan Mayhem. I've though Morgan Mayhem was Lindsay for a while. I think Coco Cocaine is her stylist, Rachel Zoe. Lindsay is obviously a mess...her little performance with Matt Lauer the other day in her day-old outfit has me convinced. I believe Jump, Jive and High Five! is referring to Herbie Fully Loaded -- remember, she had that "exhaustion” episode? I also think Ted's talking about her recent work with Meryl Streep when he says Linds will turn into "Jodie Foster" around serious Oscar-hoarding types. To me this is all too transparent, or is it?

My second choice for Coco Cocaine is Kate Moss. I just think Lindsay's probelms started LONG before her "friendship" with Kate. ...or maybe Coco cocaine is exactly what it sounds like: one day she started doing coke and couldn't stop.