FASHION FIX: Two Blind Whores -- See How They Dress

Jordan and Jodie Marsh are two of England’s sluttiest “glamour-models.” "Glamour model" is British for "whore." They are basically Paris Hilton with bigger, faker boobs and without the inheritance. They’re famous for dressing like whores, ‘writing’ books about their meaningless lives, staring in reality shows, appearing in tabloids, etc. Hopefully they never spark any fashion trends because they look like total prostitutes! Here's a little look at their (lack of) fashion sense at public events:

First up – Jodie Marsh. I can’t even imagine how long it took Jodie to put together this outfit for the London premier of “Just My Luck.” First she had to find a pair of black dress pants with a front zipper and Bedazzle that star on her right hip. It appears as if the pants are at least two sizes too small but she’ll try to us into thinking the zipper is open to look “sexy.” Unfortunately, that didn’t work. Then she had to order one of those thong body suit dress shirts from Victoria’s Secret. Since they only go up to a size L she had to wear it unbuttoned because it wouldn’t fit over her huge, fake tits. But wait, there’s a problem – when the shirt is unbuttoned you can see her nipples. How did she problem solve through this mess? Well instead of finding a shirt that fits or wearing a bra to cover her boobs like most people, she headed right over to Michael’s craft store and bought some ribbon, rhinestones and a hot glue gun. Nothing covers up 86 quadruple Zs like a piece of ribbon and some rhinestones. As accessories she added a silver necklace, a dog collar with her initials, a cowboy hat and a finger/mouth blowjob gesture. She topped it off with the typical whore makeup including my favorite: drawn-on eyebrows. Then she asked her blind friend if she looked ok to go to a movie premier. Of course the blind friend said yes because they’re blind--everything looks 'ready to go to a premier' to a blind person. I present to you… Miss Jodie Marsh:
Someone needs to take this chick to Lane Bryant or at least send her the catalog.

Next up – Jordan. Jordan has just written her eleventieth book called “angel.” It’s a fiction novel. She decided to be classy and show up to her book signing in a horse drawn carriage…dressed like an angel. Not just any angel though; a slutty angel. Complete with giant, feathery angel wings, a fur-trimmed off-the-shoulder mini dress and a wide, sparkly belt. This is honestly more fabric than I’m used to seeing on Jordan. Fortunately she wore a bra and panties. Unfortunately the bra and panties were white and they looks hideous under that white dress. Why do British girls have such a hard time comprehending white undergarments under white garments do not look good? Here are two lovely pictures of Jordan: I know it's just the angle of the picture but doesn't it look like she's trying to fly (above)? Nothing says "classy" like a "sexy"angel getting out of a horse-drawn carriage in broad daylight. I'm going to write a book called "Dick" and come to my book signing dressed like a giant penis.