Two Old-School Blind Vices
Dear Readers,
I'm on a little hiatus from the blog while I deal with the sudden loss of a family member. I'll be back soon! Thanks to Dino and Julia for keeping the blog going -- you two are fabulous! I'm a little behind on the Blind Vices - here's the latest Blind Vice from Ted. - xine
I swear, I'd love to tell you all the one about the reality-TV dude who's diddling other guys in the pools of Hollywood boy-boy shindigs, but that one's just as tired (ultimately) as the one I'm about to spill. I mean, come on. Okay, okay, so I will do--so to speak--the guy dish first: See, there's this boob-tube celeb who's, like, rather good-looking. Meatless Member has a nice face. Decent arms 'n' legs, sweet smile--but not exactly a whole lotta sausage cookin' in the kitchen down below. I mean, it was very nervy of M.M. to start having sex with other guys in the pool, what with every bitchy fag around, just waiting to spill the beans with no frank, as it were. But M. was horny, so he did anyway--so there. I'm hardly surprised Mr. Member was there at the posh address, frolicking at a homo-happening soiree in the first place, but most of (naïve) America will be startled, fer sure. It's all very snore-pie predictable. As is Shellack Attack's latest man-romping move. I mean, many folks know Shellack's got a thing for the showier, naughtier boys--despite S.A.'s heart o' gold appeal. And this latest romance Ms. A.'s so very visibly involved in is hardly the surprise in that regard. But it should be. That's because sexy Shellack has finally found herself a man who has a bigger appetite for sno-cones, powder-style, than she does. And that's sayin' somethin'!
Oy. Can't you infamous types out there please come up with some new Vices, besides drugs and dalliances? Can't somebody steal a script that results in an Academy Award from their best friend anymore? I mean, that's, like, what, a hundred years ago already, isn't it?
Ted has also ruled out: Mandy Moore (SA is older), Denise Richards (wrong person, right neighborhood -- could it be Heather) and Meatless Member is NOT Ty Pennington (MM is less visable, less vampy and less handsome). Oh, he's also ruled out Lance Bass as Toothy Tile (duh) and Lindsay Lohan as Slurpa Pop-Off. Lance was Chump Dump (another duh) and Ted gives us a clue that Slurpa is in fact the much less talented Paris.I love how Ted takes every opportunity possible to out Ryan Seacrest -- that's how I interpret the first sentence or so of this BV! As for MM and SA...I'll leave the guessing to you this week!
Oh, and speaking of every opportunity to talk shit -- did anyone catch Perez Hilton and Trent (from Pink Is The New Blog) on TV the other night? It was some news show. Their interviews should come with a FDA warning that viewers may contract neurological damage. Perez was trying to sound intelligent and articulate but he failed miserably. My 86 year-old grandmother looked at the TV and said something to the effect of "Now who's that guy? He looks dirty and sloppy. This interview is terrible" (of course Perez had some ugly suit thing on) Trent was sweet but was basically devoid of personality. The media needs to understand that just because individuals write blogs, they’re not necessarily qualified to speak extemporaneously. Writing about celebrity gossip and publicly speaking about celebrity gossip require two different skill sets. Although I don’t regularly read any blogs except ours, I’ve read a few from time to time. I don’t think Perez has the skills to write or talk. Once Trent realizes “irregardless” isn’t a real word and most computers have a grammar/spell check button, he’ll be ok with the writing part. Leave the news interview to experienced speakers!
7 comments:
Wow this blog is educational and entertaining! Irregardless isn't a real word? Who knew?
I agree with you about the tv interview business. Being a crafty and / or clever writer does not make a person a good live interview. I've never seen Trent, but have had the misfortune of witnessing Perez speak on my television several times. That guy has a face made for radio, and he is too slow-witted to be amusing in an interview situation.
Sorry to hear of your loss. Be well.
irregardless is a real word, just not in common usage. I wish people would stop this tiring snideness about it not being a real word and check a dictionary once in a while.
um if you check the dictionary, this is what is says.... SMAHTASS!
"Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead."
SO SUCK IT!
...talk about tiring snideness...I wish people would study grammar on their free time and read the blog for fun.
Dialectal = regional variations in language (generally based on location and social class). Just because people in PA say "ain't,” and the word is defined in some dictionaries, does not mean it is proper. Technically, any nonstandard word in the English language is “real.” Next time I will better articulate my intentions for those occasional readers who would like to quit their day job to work in the Celebrity Hijinx editing department. If I want to sound like I earned the advanced degrees I hold, I don’t use words like “irregardless.” So now that we’re finished with the impromptu linguistics lesson for the day, can we please get back to celebrity gossip and humor? Thanks. :)
PS Thanks to LRM216 for your kind words during this difficult time.
i bet shinyfluff says strange things that make no sense to educated people all the time.
Post a Comment